Hello, im coming on here because I want to see if anyone has advice on my situation and how to cope because it is honestly getting to me.
I stopped having friends at the beginning of yr12 and i have been alone ever since, i do have people around me during my subject lessons that i can talk to but they aren’t the type of people to go and get lunch with yk? (All of our convos are usually based on the work we do in class)
Almost everyday I get scared about even thinking about break and lunch because i know ill be alone sitting in a corner scrolling on my phone/just staring at the time hoping for the bell to ring, the embarrassment of passing by people with a big, or even small, group of friends is almost killing me inside because i really wish i could just have one genuine friend that can talk to me at school. For the past few months I have tried almost every way on making friends, I sometimes listen to people’s convos about their interests and learn about what they like so i can bring it up in a convo and hope that they will like me enough that they’ll ask to hangout someday.
I’ve spent money on people so i can buy them food, i dont even mind even if they use me to buy them food. I just want a friend to hangout with me. I’ve bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes and started waking up 2 hours earlier to make myself look pretty so people can feel comfortable enough to come up to me if i look nice idk
I cry to my parents about this almost everyday about this and they say this is a perfect time to be alone since i can revise. They are right, my grades have went from a grade C to an A* and of course I am very grateful for that, but it’s honestly not worth it, if i must be honest. I would rather have bad grades and be happy at school than literally hate break and lunch??? My parents obviously don’t understand since they were quite social and popular when they were at school, but they do understand at the same time.
My teacher said something along the words like; “Yes grades in sixth form are important, but so is socialising”. I wish he could say that to my parents. But hearing that from him while i was in his office just made me want to rip my skin off tbh, I have been trying so hard why wont anyone appreciate that i have being doing almost everything in my power to be friends with them? Do they even know how tired i am getting ready for 2 hours to look nice and no one even bothers to even LOOK AT ME>?W??!?!? I honestly don’t understand what’s so bad about me, I promise i am a good person. My sixth form has a high school, which I attended throughout y7 until y11 - so i know everyone, but clearly not enough because no one even notices that i am alone. Everyone has been sticking with their group since high school and i must admit, so have i. But they are gone now so i have no one. I have tried forcing myself into every friendship group in my year, but you can tell by their body language that I shouldn’t be here (they are so nice, but i needed to be in the group for wayyy longer to understand a lot of the inside jokes and even their general humour and interests idk). I joined a lot of lunch clubs, they’re called committees which only sixth formers can join. They were full of year 13s tho and barely any year 12s because they get lunch lol, I joined 3 so i can spend my lunch in there just talking to people. But now they have exams so i am completely all alone again
I am really sorry for my grammar hahaha but i feel like im going crazy, sometimes i talk to myself in front of my mirror thats in my room to make sure I remember how to socialise and just practice how to talk with people. If you ever see anyone alone on their phone, please go sit next to them ik you may not fully know them but thats how every friendship starts. Some people may be genuinely struggling, even those with a lot of friends! Check on everyone you love, please
Please, I am so desperate for advice on my situation. Someone please help me on what to do next. I will list down on what i have already done, let me know on stuff I haven’t done so i can try them next!!
- New wardrobe of clothes/new style
- Started to listen to more popular music that everyone knows so we can relate to them
- Handed people my notes to create a convo
- let people copy off me in exams
- bought people food
- gave people my data when i probably needed it more hahhaa
- learnt how people genuinely interact with each other so i can practice at home
- I learnt how to keep my replies short so they can talk over me, just so people can have a convo with me
- Offered to carry people’s stuff
- forced myself into different friendship groups
- Practiced fake stories just so i can have a convo and make people laugh, ik lying is horrible but they are only funny ones so they can think im funny and i should hangout with them
- spoke to my teachers about my situation: Honestly, they are no help
- purposely got in trouble so people can notice me - i just ended up embarrassing myself HAHAHA
- Faking that i hated a certain teacher so i can relate with people (this was so random idk why i did this, i never even saw that teacher in my life until a week later after this convo HAHA)
- still doing ongoing school volunteering with the younger students, i do this to make sure i can still properly socialise with people
I would do afterschool clubs but i have tuition every skl day unfortunatelyyyy
Again, please talk to people who are alone at break and lunch!! Thank you :-D