The Student Room Group

How do I cope with being alone at school?

Hello, im coming on here because I want to see if anyone has advice on my situation and how to cope because it is honestly getting to me.

I stopped having friends at the beginning of yr12 and i have been alone ever since, i do have people around me during my subject lessons that i can talk to but they aren’t the type of people to go and get lunch with yk? (All of our convos are usually based on the work we do in class)

Almost everyday I get scared about even thinking about break and lunch because i know ill be alone sitting in a corner scrolling on my phone/just staring at the time hoping for the bell to ring, the embarrassment of passing by people with a big, or even small, group of friends is almost killing me inside because i really wish i could just have one genuine friend that can talk to me at school. For the past few months I have tried almost every way on making friends, I sometimes listen to people’s convos about their interests and learn about what they like so i can bring it up in a convo and hope that they will like me enough that they’ll ask to hangout someday.

I’ve spent money on people so i can buy them food, i dont even mind even if they use me to buy them food. I just want a friend to hangout with me. I’ve bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes and started waking up 2 hours earlier to make myself look pretty so people can feel comfortable enough to come up to me if i look nice idk

I cry to my parents about this almost everyday about this and they say this is a perfect time to be alone since i can revise. They are right, my grades have went from a grade C to an A* and of course I am very grateful for that, but it’s honestly not worth it, if i must be honest. I would rather have bad grades and be happy at school than literally hate break and lunch??? My parents obviously don’t understand since they were quite social and popular when they were at school, but they do understand at the same time.

My teacher said something along the words like; “Yes grades in sixth form are important, but so is socialising”. I wish he could say that to my parents. But hearing that from him while i was in his office just made me want to rip my skin off tbh, I have been trying so hard why wont anyone appreciate that i have being doing almost everything in my power to be friends with them? Do they even know how tired i am getting ready for 2 hours to look nice and no one even bothers to even LOOK AT ME>?W??!?!? I honestly don’t understand what’s so bad about me, I promise i am a good person. My sixth form has a high school, which I attended throughout y7 until y11 - so i know everyone, but clearly not enough because no one even notices that i am alone. Everyone has been sticking with their group since high school and i must admit, so have i. But they are gone now so i have no one. I have tried forcing myself into every friendship group in my year, but you can tell by their body language that I shouldn’t be here (they are so nice, but i needed to be in the group for wayyy longer to understand a lot of the inside jokes and even their general humour and interests idk). I joined a lot of lunch clubs, they’re called committees which only sixth formers can join. They were full of year 13s tho and barely any year 12s because they get lunch lol, I joined 3 so i can spend my lunch in there just talking to people. But now they have exams so i am completely all alone again

I am really sorry for my grammar hahaha but i feel like im going crazy, sometimes i talk to myself in front of my mirror thats in my room to make sure I remember how to socialise and just practice how to talk with people. If you ever see anyone alone on their phone, please go sit next to them ik you may not fully know them but thats how every friendship starts. Some people may be genuinely struggling, even those with a lot of friends! Check on everyone you love, please

Please, I am so desperate for advice on my situation. Someone please help me on what to do next. I will list down on what i have already done, let me know on stuff I haven’t done so i can try them next!!

- New wardrobe of clothes/new style
- Started to listen to more popular music that everyone knows so we can relate to them
- Handed people my notes to create a convo
- let people copy off me in exams
- bought people food
- gave people my data when i probably needed it more hahhaa
- learnt how people genuinely interact with each other so i can practice at home
- I learnt how to keep my replies short so they can talk over me, just so people can have a convo with me
- Offered to carry people’s stuff
- forced myself into different friendship groups
- Practiced fake stories just so i can have a convo and make people laugh, ik lying is horrible but they are only funny ones so they can think im funny and i should hangout with them
- spoke to my teachers about my situation: Honestly, they are no help
- purposely got in trouble so people can notice me - i just ended up embarrassing myself HAHAHA
- Faking that i hated a certain teacher so i can relate with people (this was so random idk why i did this, i never even saw that teacher in my life until a week later after this convo HAHA)
- still doing ongoing school volunteering with the younger students, i do this to make sure i can still properly socialise with people

I would do afterschool clubs but i have tuition every skl day unfortunatelyyyy

Again, please talk to people who are alone at break and lunch!! Thank you :-D

Reply 1

You seem like a kind and wonderful person, there’s nothing wrong with how you are and you shouldn’t need to go down the people pleaser route to make friends. Take it from me who did that most of my secondary years, I get how you feel but as much counselling as someone can give the only actual advice there is is to put yourself out there but not sell yourself out there. Regardless even though I don’t feel like I’m in a position to help I’ll try.

I came up with multiple conclusions when making friends with people, most of my secondary life I had a friend group who I still talk to occasionally but never really connected, the bond was over mutual stuff that most boys would enjoy, the ones who really stuck in my life were the ones I had interacted with and shared interests with the longest, I think you should try to find people who play the same game or do the same stuff as you and occasionally talk with them!

Even in sixth form, I’m casual with many but don’t try and please anyone in my life anymore, lo and behold I had made 1-2 friends that shared the same interests as me, and it all started with simple gestures and hello, and in my opinion that’s all you need, take care of yourself and you will see those who share the same ideals as you naturally gravitate, or maybe not and I’m just talking like a self-rightous idiot who got lucky (and if I am, sorry) You’re only in sixth form for around 1-2, so as much as I know you want to make friends, don’t feel disheartened that you’re doing something wrong, from what I can tell you’re not. If anything you’re selling yourself too short trying to be around those who don’t have the same likes as you. Do take my advice as to not let other people step on you though, you got more worth than you’d think. You could always watch videos on charisma or how to speak in general online (which is what I did for a period, but ehhh they never really helped much for me, might be a diff story for you) if you really are that devoted, don’t find it weird since you’re literally doing it so that you can understand and interact more socially.

If you plan on going university, you could aim for a really good one if you carry on with those grades (and let’s be honest, 3-4 years to make connections is better than 1-2), Uni is all about making connections also with likeminded people.

I hope i could’ve given a little solace, take care and don’t lose hope!
Sorry to hear that :console:
Does your sixth form offer any clubs or activities where you could meet other people? Your sixth form might even let your start your own club if there's enough interest. If there is a library that could be an option too.

The other option is to try making friends outside of sixth form by joining activities or clubs in your local area (I know this probably won't help socialising in sixth form but it might help if you're feeling lonely.
(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 3

Original post by Anonymous
Hello, im coming on here because I want to see if anyone has advice on my situation and how to cope because it is honestly getting to me.
I stopped having friends at the beginning of yr12 and i have been alone ever since, i do have people around me during my subject lessons that i can talk to but they aren’t the type of people to go and get lunch with yk? (All of our convos are usually based on the work we do in class)
Almost everyday I get scared about even thinking about break and lunch because i know ill be alone sitting in a corner scrolling on my phone/just staring at the time hoping for the bell to ring, the embarrassment of passing by people with a big, or even small, group of friends is almost killing me inside because i really wish i could just have one genuine friend that can talk to me at school. For the past few months I have tried almost every way on making friends, I sometimes listen to people’s convos about their interests and learn about what they like so i can bring it up in a convo and hope that they will like me enough that they’ll ask to hangout someday.
I’ve spent money on people so i can buy them food, i dont even mind even if they use me to buy them food. I just want a friend to hangout with me. I’ve bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes and started waking up 2 hours earlier to make myself look pretty so people can feel comfortable enough to come up to me if i look nice idk
I cry to my parents about this almost everyday about this and they say this is a perfect time to be alone since i can revise. They are right, my grades have went from a grade C to an A* and of course I am very grateful for that, but it’s honestly not worth it, if i must be honest. I would rather have bad grades and be happy at school than literally hate break and lunch??? My parents obviously don’t understand since they were quite social and popular when they were at school, but they do understand at the same time.
My teacher said something along the words like; “Yes grades in sixth form are important, but so is socialising”. I wish he could say that to my parents. But hearing that from him while i was in his office just made me want to rip my skin off tbh, I have been trying so hard why wont anyone appreciate that i have being doing almost everything in my power to be friends with them? Do they even know how tired i am getting ready for 2 hours to look nice and no one even bothers to even LOOK AT ME>?W??!?!? I honestly don’t understand what’s so bad about me, I promise i am a good person. My sixth form has a high school, which I attended throughout y7 until y11 - so i know everyone, but clearly not enough because no one even notices that i am alone. Everyone has been sticking with their group since high school and i must admit, so have i. But they are gone now so i have no one. I have tried forcing myself into every friendship group in my year, but you can tell by their body language that I shouldn’t be here (they are so nice, but i needed to be in the group for wayyy longer to understand a lot of the inside jokes and even their general humour and interests idk). I joined a lot of lunch clubs, they’re called committees which only sixth formers can join. They were full of year 13s tho and barely any year 12s because they get lunch lol, I joined 3 so i can spend my lunch in there just talking to people. But now they have exams so i am completely all alone again
I am really sorry for my grammar hahaha but i feel like im going crazy, sometimes i talk to myself in front of my mirror thats in my room to make sure I remember how to socialise and just practice how to talk with people. If you ever see anyone alone on their phone, please go sit next to them ik you may not fully know them but thats how every friendship starts. Some people may be genuinely struggling, even those with a lot of friends! Check on everyone you love, please
Please, I am so desperate for advice on my situation. Someone please help me on what to do next. I will list down on what i have already done, let me know on stuff I haven’t done so i can try them next!!
- New wardrobe of clothes/new style
- Started to listen to more popular music that everyone knows so we can relate to them
- Handed people my notes to create a convo
- let people copy off me in exams
- bought people food
- gave people my data when i probably needed it more hahhaa
- learnt how people genuinely interact with each other so i can practice at home
- I learnt how to keep my replies short so they can talk over me, just so people can have a convo with me
- Offered to carry people’s stuff
- forced myself into different friendship groups
- Practiced fake stories just so i can have a convo and make people laugh, ik lying is horrible but they are only funny ones so they can think im funny and i should hangout with them
- spoke to my teachers about my situation: Honestly, they are no help
- purposely got in trouble so people can notice me - i just ended up embarrassing myself HAHAHA
- Faking that i hated a certain teacher so i can relate with people (this was so random idk why i did this, i never even saw that teacher in my life until a week later after this convo HAHA)
- still doing ongoing school volunteering with the younger students, i do this to make sure i can still properly socialise with people
I would do afterschool clubs but i have tuition every skl day unfortunatelyyyy
Again, please talk to people who are alone at break and lunch!! Thank you :-D

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about this. As you've said, there is nothing wrong with you and it's everything to do with the fact that you have all been together as a year group for several years now, and the friendship groups are totally fixed and ingrained. Though I had a few friends, I was pretty much an outsider all throughout secondary school and sixth form. People were sometimes explicitly mean to me, but it's not like I was being actively bullied. I just felt completely invisible and the loneliness was absolutely crushing. I know it can have such a negative effect on your self-esteem, but please know that it is not your fault.

My advice to you, counterintuitively, would actually be to stop trying as hard as you are. I don't know what your plans are after school - maybe you'll go to university or get a job. But you only have one year left and I promise you, there is a whole world outside of school and it will get so much better for you. It feels like your school years matter so much now - and they do, your feelings are completely valid - but in a few years, life will be very different and you will never look back.

You say you'd rather have a good social life than get good grades at school. Yes, I believe if I'd had happier school years, I wouldn't have to have spent so many years rebuilding my confidence and dealing with the insecurities I do now. But I would genuinely do it all again for the sake of the education I got and my grades. It may seem boring but those are the things that got me into a good university and will allow me to get the career/life that I want. The university where, incidentally, I have made great friends and have had an amazing time.

It is good that you have put yourself out there and tried so much, but reading through your list, it sounds like you are trying to change yourself to a pretty extreme extent and please others for the sake of making friends. Ultimately, this seems to only be making you more unhappy. You could also easily lose your identity and the qualities that make YOU unique, interesting, and that people will love about you in the future. People can recognise fakeness from a mile away and will like and respect you a lot more if they can see that you have your own personality and opinions.

Also, you admit yourself that people are just using your generosity to get free food/to cheat on exams. A friend that only talks to you to see if they can get something from you is not a friend at all. I would say it's better to ride it out alone than to purposefully try to attract people like that. Personally, rather than have no friends during secondary school, I made friends with everyone I possibly could, which mostly consisted of toxic people who treated me like a doormat and who I eventually had explosive break-ups with. Those experiences still affect me today. Seriously, being alone is much better than the mental consequences that come with friendships like that.

From my personal experience, people can also tell if you're really desperately trying hard to make friends with them and this can put them off. I know how hard it is, but I would take a step back and start focusing on yourself a bit more rather than pleasing others. It's good that you're joining clubs and working on your social skills, but you need to try to find happiness within yourself, your interests and hobbies rather than placing all your hopes on other people. Even when you do make friends, no one is perfect and people can hurt and disappoint you all the time without even realising it! Friendships are important, but ultimately you have to rely on yourself in this life and recognise that your self-worth is not inherently linked to other people's approval.

Feeling like you are the only one who is lonely when everyone else has these massive friend groups is absolutely horrible. But especially at this age, people can be generally careless, thoughtless and quite happy to remain within their entrenched friend groups rather than spending a second of their time to give you a chance. Again, it's not you!

I also appreciate how difficult it is with limited support from parents and teachers. I was also venting all the time to my mum throughout secondary school and while she tried to help, I could tell she was getting frustrated and thought that I wasn't trying hard enough. For this reason, I felt as if I basically had to deal with everything alone. This was a very difficult experience but I believe it has made me a generally stronger, more empathetic and open person as an adult. I know what it's like to feel that lonely and try to extend kindness to others, because you truly never know what they might be going through.

My advice to you would be to try and take some of that constant pressure off of yourself to make friends. Sometimes that can be the thing that makes you the most unhappy, rather than simply having a lack of friends. Continue doing clubs and volunteering because YOU like it and you want to go, rather than simply because you badly want people to be friends with you.

If you have time, perhaps try seeing if there are any activities you can participate in in your community outside of school, maybe even during the summer. I got a part time job during summer and weekends, and the way that people treat you outside of the school bubble is so different that it made me aware that there is a whole life outside of school and I would not be stuck with those dynamics forever.

I can't stress enough that THIS WON'T BE FOREVER! It may suck for a while longer, but remember that you are an amazing person and your life will be completely different in a few years' time. Don't try to change yourself for other people's benefit.

Reply 4

Original post by Anonymous
You seem like a kind and wonderful person, there’s nothing wrong with how you are and you shouldn’t need to go down the people pleaser route to make friends. Take it from me who did that most of my secondary years, I get how you feel but as much counselling as someone can give the only actual advice there is is to put yourself out there but not sell yourself out there. Regardless even though I don’t feel like I’m in a position to help I’ll try.
I came up with multiple conclusions when making friends with people, most of my secondary life I had a friend group who I still talk to occasionally but never really connected, the bond was over mutual stuff that most boys would enjoy, the ones who really stuck in my life were the ones I had interacted with and shared interests with the longest, I think you should try to find people who play the same game or do the same stuff as you and occasionally talk with them!
Even in sixth form, I’m casual with many but don’t try and please anyone in my life anymore, lo and behold I had made 1-2 friends that shared the same interests as me, and it all started with simple gestures and hello, and in my opinion that’s all you need, take care of yourself and you will see those who share the same ideals as you naturally gravitate, or maybe not and I’m just talking like a self-rightous idiot who got lucky (and if I am, sorry) You’re only in sixth form for around 1-2, so as much as I know you want to make friends, don’t feel disheartened that you’re doing something wrong, from what I can tell you’re not. If anything you’re selling yourself too short trying to be around those who don’t have the same likes as you. Do take my advice as to not let other people step on you though, you got more worth than you’d think. You could always watch videos on charisma or how to speak in general online (which is what I did for a period, but ehhh they never really helped much for me, might be a diff story for you) if you really are that devoted, don’t find it weird since you’re literally doing it so that you can understand and interact more socially.
If you plan on going university, you could aim for a really good one if you carry on with those grades (and let’s be honest, 3-4 years to make connections is better than 1-2), Uni is all about making connections also with likeminded people.
I hope i could’ve given a little solace, take care and don’t lose hope!

Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out, I am planning on going to a good university that is slightly far away from where I am currently living - I plan on finding friends then. Thank you again for taking your time for reading my vent hahaha!! You’re amazing, i will not lose hope

Reply 5

Original post by Chronoscope
Sorry to hear that :console:
Does your sixth form offer any clubs or activities where you could meet other people? Your sixth form might even let your start your own club if there's enough interest. If there is a library that could be an option too.
The other option is to try making friends outside of sixth form by joining activities or clubs in your local area (I know this probably won't help socialising in sixth form but it might help if you're feeling lonely.
No need to be sorry! I would love to go to clubs but they’re usually afterschool, and my parents are quite strict with joining clubs in my area which are afterschool as well since they want me to focus revising at home ahhaha!! But i have tried making friends outside of school - i usually text them first and they do reply a few days later though lol but i am getting there! Thank you so much for your help

Reply 6

Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about this. As you've said, there is nothing wrong with you and it's everything to do with the fact that you have all been together as a year group for several years now, and the friendship groups are totally fixed and ingrained. Though I had a few friends, I was pretty much an outsider all throughout secondary school and sixth form. People were sometimes explicitly mean to me, but it's not like I was being actively bullied. I just felt completely invisible and the loneliness was absolutely crushing. I know it can have such a negative effect on your self-esteem, but please know that it is not your fault.
My advice to you, counterintuitively, would actually be to stop trying as hard as you are. I don't know what your plans are after school - maybe you'll go to university or get a job. But you only have one year left and I promise you, there is a whole world outside of school and it will get so much better for you. It feels like your school years matter so much now - and they do, your feelings are completely valid - but in a few years, life will be very different and you will never look back.
You say you'd rather have a good social life than get good grades at school. Yes, I believe if I'd had happier school years, I wouldn't have to have spent so many years rebuilding my confidence and dealing with the insecurities I do now. But I would genuinely do it all again for the sake of the education I got and my grades. It may seem boring but those are the things that got me into a good university and will allow me to get the career/life that I want. The university where, incidentally, I have made great friends and have had an amazing time.
It is good that you have put yourself out there and tried so much, but reading through your list, it sounds like you are trying to change yourself to a pretty extreme extent and please others for the sake of making friends. Ultimately, this seems to only be making you more unhappy. You could also easily lose your identity and the qualities that make YOU unique, interesting, and that people will love about you in the future. People can recognise fakeness from a mile away and will like and respect you a lot more if they can see that you have your own personality and opinions.
Also, you admit yourself that people are just using your generosity to get free food/to cheat on exams. A friend that only talks to you to see if they can get something from you is not a friend at all. I would say it's better to ride it out alone than to purposefully try to attract people like that. Personally, rather than have no friends during secondary school, I made friends with everyone I possibly could, which mostly consisted of toxic people who treated me like a doormat and who I eventually had explosive break-ups with. Those experiences still affect me today. Seriously, being alone is much better than the mental consequences that come with friendships like that.
From my personal experience, people can also tell if you're really desperately trying hard to make friends with them and this can put them off. I know how hard it is, but I would take a step back and start focusing on yourself a bit more rather than pleasing others. It's good that you're joining clubs and working on your social skills, but you need to try to find happiness within yourself, your interests and hobbies rather than placing all your hopes on other people. Even when you do make friends, no one is perfect and people can hurt and disappoint you all the time without even realising it! Friendships are important, but ultimately you have to rely on yourself in this life and recognise that your self-worth is not inherently linked to other people's approval.
Feeling like you are the only one who is lonely when everyone else has these massive friend groups is absolutely horrible. But especially at this age, people can be generally careless, thoughtless and quite happy to remain within their entrenched friend groups rather than spending a second of their time to give you a chance. Again, it's not you!
I also appreciate how difficult it is with limited support from parents and teachers. I was also venting all the time to my mum throughout secondary school and while she tried to help, I could tell she was getting frustrated and thought that I wasn't trying hard enough. For this reason, I felt as if I basically had to deal with everything alone. This was a very difficult experience but I believe it has made me a generally stronger, more empathetic and open person as an adult. I know what it's like to feel that lonely and try to extend kindness to others, because you truly never know what they might be going through.
My advice to you would be to try and take some of that constant pressure off of yourself to make friends. Sometimes that can be the thing that makes you the most unhappy, rather than simply having a lack of friends. Continue doing clubs and volunteering because YOU like it and you want to go, rather than simply because you badly want people to be friends with you.
If you have time, perhaps try seeing if there are any activities you can participate in in your community outside of school, maybe even during the summer. I got a part time job during summer and weekends, and the way that people treat you outside of the school bubble is so different that it made me aware that there is a whole life outside of school and I would not be stuck with those dynamics forever.
I can't stress enough that THIS WON'T BE FOREVER! It may suck for a while longer, but remember that you are an amazing person and your life will be completely different in a few years' time. Don't try to change yourself for other people's benefit.

Thank you so much! This past week I have been trying to figure out my true genuine self, without forcing myself to act like other people, I hope my parents will let me get a job this summer or at some point in my life because i could find a friend there. I am so sorry with what you had to go through, it is actually really similar with my situation! I only have a few weeks left since i have exams so i was thinking if i should possibly just only focus on myself and see if anyone is brave enough to come up to me hahah!! Again, thank you so much for your advice. You’re awesome, take care!

Reply 7

Hi, I'm in the same position in yr 12 right now, I also have no friends either and I sit by myself lunch and break. I understand it is hard, but this won't last forever. Try find happiness in yourself and don't rely on people to be happy. When I get sad sometimes, by seeing others having their own friends, and having a good time, I just remind myself It's only one more year then it's over. There is no point in being negative. I would rather be happy, enjoy and learn new hobbies, and just live my life. Remember your amazing, you are enough so don't change yourself for others. Love yourself and be your biggest fan

Reply 8

Original post by Anonymous
Hello, im coming on here because I want to see if anyone has advice on my situation and how to cope because it is honestly getting to me.
I stopped having friends at the beginning of yr12 and i have been alone ever since, i do have people around me during my subject lessons that i can talk to but they aren’t the type of people to go and get lunch with yk? (All of our convos are usually based on the work we do in class)
Almost everyday I get scared about even thinking about break and lunch because i know ill be alone sitting in a corner scrolling on my phone/just staring at the time hoping for the bell to ring, the embarrassment of passing by people with a big, or even small, group of friends is almost killing me inside because i really wish i could just have one genuine friend that can talk to me at school. For the past few months I have tried almost every way on making friends, I sometimes listen to people’s convos about their interests and learn about what they like so i can bring it up in a convo and hope that they will like me enough that they’ll ask to hangout someday.
I’ve spent money on people so i can buy them food, i dont even mind even if they use me to buy them food. I just want a friend to hangout with me. I’ve bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes and started waking up 2 hours earlier to make myself look pretty so people can feel comfortable enough to come up to me if i look nice idk
I cry to my parents about this almost everyday about this and they say this is a perfect time to be alone since i can revise. They are right, my grades have went from a grade C to an A* and of course I am very grateful for that, but it’s honestly not worth it, if i must be honest. I would rather have bad grades and be happy at school than literally hate break and lunch??? My parents obviously don’t understand since they were quite social and popular when they were at school, but they do understand at the same time.
My teacher said something along the words like; “Yes grades in sixth form are important, but so is socialising”. I wish he could say that to my parents. But hearing that from him while i was in his office just made me want to rip my skin off tbh, I have been trying so hard why wont anyone appreciate that i have being doing almost everything in my power to be friends with them? Do they even know how tired i am getting ready for 2 hours to look nice and no one even bothers to even LOOK AT ME>?W??!?!? I honestly don’t understand what’s so bad about me, I promise i am a good person. My sixth form has a high school, which I attended throughout y7 until y11 - so i know everyone, but clearly not enough because no one even notices that i am alone. Everyone has been sticking with their group since high school and i must admit, so have i. But they are gone now so i have no one. I have tried forcing myself into every friendship group in my year, but you can tell by their body language that I shouldn’t be here (they are so nice, but i needed to be in the group for wayyy longer to understand a lot of the inside jokes and even their general humour and interests idk). I joined a lot of lunch clubs, they’re called committees which only sixth formers can join. They were full of year 13s tho and barely any year 12s because they get lunch lol, I joined 3 so i can spend my lunch in there just talking to people. But now they have exams so i am completely all alone again
I am really sorry for my grammar hahaha but i feel like im going crazy, sometimes i talk to myself in front of my mirror thats in my room to make sure I remember how to socialise and just practice how to talk with people. If you ever see anyone alone on their phone, please go sit next to them ik you may not fully know them but thats how every friendship starts. Some people may be genuinely struggling, even those with a lot of friends! Check on everyone you love, please
Please, I am so desperate for advice on my situation. Someone please help me on what to do next. I will list down on what i have already done, let me know on stuff I haven’t done so i can try them next!!
- New wardrobe of clothes/new style
- Started to listen to more popular music that everyone knows so we can relate to them
- Handed people my notes to create a convo
- let people copy off me in exams
- bought people food
- gave people my data when i probably needed it more hahhaa
- learnt how people genuinely interact with each other so i can practice at home
- I learnt how to keep my replies short so they can talk over me, just so people can have a convo with me
- Offered to carry people’s stuff
- forced myself into different friendship groups
- Practiced fake stories just so i can have a convo and make people laugh, ik lying is horrible but they are only funny ones so they can think im funny and i should hangout with them
- spoke to my teachers about my situation: Honestly, they are no help
- purposely got in trouble so people can notice me - i just ended up embarrassing myself HAHAHA
- Faking that i hated a certain teacher so i can relate with people (this was so random idk why i did this, i never even saw that teacher in my life until a week later after this convo HAHA)
- still doing ongoing school volunteering with the younger students, i do this to make sure i can still properly socialise with people
I would do afterschool clubs but i have tuition every skl day unfortunatelyyyy
Again, please talk to people who are alone at break and lunch!! Thank you :-D

I'm seriously urging you to not go down this people pleaser route!! Have your own opinions, don't buy people food if you can't afford it and don't let people copy off of you!! I know how hard it is to make friends, but if worst comes to worst, you'll be done with sixth form soon and will get the chance to make friends at university. I can assure you, most of the friend groups you see will NOT last. Love yourself first, and if other people want to love you too, then that's great and you find your people!!! Do not sabotage your grades for socialisation, it's not worth it.

Reply 9

Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much! This past week I have been trying to figure out my true genuine self, without forcing myself to act like other people, I hope my parents will let me get a job this summer or at some point in my life because i could find a friend there. I am so sorry with what you had to go through, it is actually really similar with my situation! I only have a few weeks left since i have exams so i was thinking if i should possibly just only focus on myself and see if anyone is brave enough to come up to me hahah!! Again, thank you so much for your advice. You’re awesome, take care!

I’m glad to hear that! I hope everything works out for you and good luck with your exams ❤️

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous
Hello, im coming on here because I want to see if anyone has advice on my situation and how to cope because it is honestly getting to me.
I stopped having friends at the beginning of yr12 and i have been alone ever since, i do have people around me during my subject lessons that i can talk to but they aren’t the type of people to go and get lunch with yk? (All of our convos are usually based on the work we do in class)
Almost everyday I get scared about even thinking about break and lunch because i know ill be alone sitting in a corner scrolling on my phone/just staring at the time hoping for the bell to ring, the embarrassment of passing by people with a big, or even small, group of friends is almost killing me inside because i really wish i could just have one genuine friend that can talk to me at school. For the past few months I have tried almost every way on making friends, I sometimes listen to people’s convos about their interests and learn about what they like so i can bring it up in a convo and hope that they will like me enough that they’ll ask to hangout someday.
I’ve spent money on people so i can buy them food, i dont even mind even if they use me to buy them food. I just want a friend to hangout with me. I’ve bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes and started waking up 2 hours earlier to make myself look pretty so people can feel comfortable enough to come up to me if i look nice idk
I cry to my parents about this almost everyday about this and they say this is a perfect time to be alone since i can revise. They are right, my grades have went from a grade C to an A* and of course I am very grateful for that, but it’s honestly not worth it, if i must be honest. I would rather have bad grades and be happy at school than literally hate break and lunch??? My parents obviously don’t understand since they were quite social and popular when they were at school, but they do understand at the same time.
My teacher said something along the words like; “Yes grades in sixth form are important, but so is socialising”. I wish he could say that to my parents. But hearing that from him while i was in his office just made me want to rip my skin off tbh, I have been trying so hard why wont anyone appreciate that i have being doing almost everything in my power to be friends with them? Do they even know how tired i am getting ready for 2 hours to look nice and no one even bothers to even LOOK AT ME>?W??!?!? I honestly don’t understand what’s so bad about me, I promise i am a good person. My sixth form has a high school, which I attended throughout y7 until y11 - so i know everyone, but clearly not enough because no one even notices that i am alone. Everyone has been sticking with their group since high school and i must admit, so have i. But they are gone now so i have no one. I have tried forcing myself into every friendship group in my year, but you can tell by their body language that I shouldn’t be here (they are so nice, but i needed to be in the group for wayyy longer to understand a lot of the inside jokes and even their general humour and interests idk). I joined a lot of lunch clubs, they’re called committees which only sixth formers can join. They were full of year 13s tho and barely any year 12s because they get lunch lol, I joined 3 so i can spend my lunch in there just talking to people. But now they have exams so i am completely all alone again
I am really sorry for my grammar hahaha but i feel like im going crazy, sometimes i talk to myself in front of my mirror thats in my room to make sure I remember how to socialise and just practice how to talk with people. If you ever see anyone alone on their phone, please go sit next to them ik you may not fully know them but thats how every friendship starts. Some people may be genuinely struggling, even those with a lot of friends! Check on everyone you love, please
Please, I am so desperate for advice on my situation. Someone please help me on what to do next. I will list down on what i have already done, let me know on stuff I haven’t done so i can try them next!!
- New wardrobe of clothes/new style
- Started to listen to more popular music that everyone knows so we can relate to them
- Handed people my notes to create a convo
- let people copy off me in exams
- bought people food
- gave people my data when i probably needed it more hahhaa
- learnt how people genuinely interact with each other so i can practice at home
- I learnt how to keep my replies short so they can talk over me, just so people can have a convo with me
- Offered to carry people’s stuff
- forced myself into different friendship groups
- Practiced fake stories just so i can have a convo and make people laugh, ik lying is horrible but they are only funny ones so they can think im funny and i should hangout with them
- spoke to my teachers about my situation: Honestly, they are no help
- purposely got in trouble so people can notice me - i just ended up embarrassing myself HAHAHA
- Faking that i hated a certain teacher so i can relate with people (this was so random idk why i did this, i never even saw that teacher in my life until a week later after this convo HAHA)
- still doing ongoing school volunteering with the younger students, i do this to make sure i can still properly socialise with people
I would do afterschool clubs but i have tuition every skl day unfortunatelyyyy
Again, please talk to people who are alone at break and lunch!! Thank you :-D

Hi, I'm finishing exams in yr 13 atm. I really do relate with a lot of the stuff you're saying. It's tough when you dread the lunch breaks. I've always been homeschooled but I used to go to groups where I didn't have any friends at all, some where I made friends, and some where people talked to me but left me to initiate conversation and never really became my friend. Atm I've not been around ppl my age for some time as I'm revising at home and my old friends have moved on. If you like you can PM me :smile:. Don't be a people-pleaser - be yourself!

Reply 11

Hey, I seriously am sorry this is happening to you. I am not in year 12 so you might not be able to relate to me. I have been friendless since year 7. I told my family and they just make fun of me for it and bring it up in every argument we have. For example my mum says 'God stopped you from having friends because you talk back' or my siblings say 'this is why you have no friends'. Also I cry every time and I just feel super depressed because I always wonder what makes me different. I can't do what you did because I don't have the money. I can't even vent about it to my family because they make fun of me. One day I had enough and told my teachers. Well they made people on my class talk to me but they weren't interested and they just went away the next day. Then they assigned me appointments. I talked to this teacher but it was just stupid. She told me to join clubs which was no help because they ignored me there too and then she made me be with the school wellbeing dog 🙄 (feed it and pet it lol). Like what was a DOG going to do? Talk to me??? Then she tried to make me talk to a wellbeing monitor which was a CLASSMATE!!! What if she told her friends or if she made fun of me behind my back because people in my school are like that.
What I have written after this is based off of my options and experiences.

1) I think they like you if you are sporty because I have instances where they said some mean stuff to my face and behind my back when I was trash at sport:

I'm not a sporty person so I always was trash in sporty activities. The teacher would let us choose our groups and they would choose sporty kids while me and 2 others were alone and they would be reluctant. Once I was really slow and when I finally got to the starting line the girl who was my team mate said 'she soooo slow'. 🙄. Then once I was unable to bat the ball during table tennis and my partner physically touched me and moved me. She didn't ask permission if she could touch me! Then once I was playing bench ball and the same girl told me to move to the other side!

2) I think you also have to be energetic
I think this is what you have to do because once someone told me they thought I would great as a voice actor for a 'depressed' character because I had a monotonous voice!

3) I think you have to have a good resting face
So I went to speech and drama as a extra thing. Well the teacher started ranting at me that I had a depressing and monotonous face. Then she had the AUDACITY to ask if I even had friends. I was trying so hard not to cry and scream at her. I kept on pinching my hand so the pain would over ride my urgency to cry. This whole thing started over me wearing a face mask. It was after pandemic. I have 2 health implications so I NEEDED the mask and she knew! She knew I had those health problems!

That's it. I understand what your going through. I feel tired everyday because of this and I feel lonely. I feel angry and sad because I have no one to talk to. I also feel embarrassed as well because I feel like such a lame loser.

Reply 12

Original post by kavi34O
Hey, I seriously am sorry this is happening to you. I am not in year 12 so you might not be able to relate to me. I have been friendless since year 7. I told my family and they just make fun of me for it and bring it up in every argument we have. For example my mum says 'God stopped you from having friends because you talk back' or my siblings say 'this is why you have no friends'. Also I cry every time and I just feel super depressed because I always wonder what makes me different. I can't do what you did because I don't have the money. I can't even vent about it to my family because they make fun of me. One day I had enough and told my teachers. Well they made people on my class talk to me but they weren't interested and they just went away the next day. Then they assigned me appointments. I talked to this teacher but it was just stupid. She told me to join clubs which was no help because they ignored me there too and then she made me be with the school wellbeing dog 🙄 (feed it and pet it lol). Like what was a DOG going to do? Talk to me??? Then she tried to make me talk to a wellbeing monitor which was a CLASSMATE!!! What if she told her friends or if she made fun of me behind my back because people in my school are like that.
What I have written after this is based off of my options and experiences.
1) I think they like you if you are sporty because I have instances where they said some mean stuff to my face and behind my back when I was trash at sport:
I'm not a sporty person so I always was trash in sporty activities. The teacher would let us choose our groups and they would choose sporty kids while me and 2 others were alone and they would be reluctant. Once I was really slow and when I finally got to the starting line the girl who was my team mate said 'she soooo slow'. 🙄. Then once I was unable to bat the ball during table tennis and my partner physically touched me and moved me. She didn't ask permission if she could touch me! Then once I was playing bench ball and the same girl told me to move to the other side!
2) I think you also have to be energetic
I think this is what you have to do because once someone told me they thought I would great as a voice actor for a 'depressed' character because I had a monotonous voice!
3) I think you have to have a good resting face
So I went to speech and drama as a extra thing. Well the teacher started ranting at me that I had a depressing and monotonous face. Then she had the AUDACITY to ask if I even had friends. I was trying so hard not to cry and scream at her. I kept on pinching my hand so the pain would over ride my urgency to cry. This whole thing started over me wearing a face mask. It was after pandemic. I have 2 health implications so I NEEDED the mask and she knew! She knew I had those health problems!
That's it. I understand what your going through. I feel tired everyday because of this and I feel lonely. I feel angry and sad because I have no one to talk to. I also feel embarrassed as well because I feel like such a lame loser.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Same to the OP.

I struggle making friends as well. A lot of people like me, but not enough to want to be around me I find, but there will always be someone who you will get along with, even if you haven't met them yet.

Reply 13

Original post by Anonymous
Hello, im coming on here because I want to see if anyone has advice on my situation and how to cope because it is honestly getting to me.
I stopped having friends at the beginning of yr12 and i have been alone ever since, i do have people around me during my subject lessons that i can talk to but they aren’t the type of people to go and get lunch with yk? (All of our convos are usually based on the work we do in class)
Almost everyday I get scared about even thinking about break and lunch because i know ill be alone sitting in a corner scrolling on my phone/just staring at the time hoping for the bell to ring, the embarrassment of passing by people with a big, or even small, group of friends is almost killing me inside because i really wish i could just have one genuine friend that can talk to me at school. For the past few months I have tried almost every way on making friends, I sometimes listen to people’s convos about their interests and learn about what they like so i can bring it up in a convo and hope that they will like me enough that they’ll ask to hangout someday.
I’ve spent money on people so i can buy them food, i dont even mind even if they use me to buy them food. I just want a friend to hangout with me. I’ve bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes and started waking up 2 hours earlier to make myself look pretty so people can feel comfortable enough to come up to me if i look nice idk
I cry to my parents about this almost everyday about this and they say this is a perfect time to be alone since i can revise. They are right, my grades have went from a grade C to an A* and of course I am very grateful for that, but it’s honestly not worth it, if i must be honest. I would rather have bad grades and be happy at school than literally hate break and lunch??? My parents obviously don’t understand since they were quite social and popular when they were at school, but they do understand at the same time.
My teacher said something along the words like; “Yes grades in sixth form are important, but so is socialising”. I wish he could say that to my parents. But hearing that from him while i was in his office just made me want to rip my skin off tbh, I have been trying so hard why wont anyone appreciate that i have being doing almost everything in my power to be friends with them? Do they even know how tired i am getting ready for 2 hours to look nice and no one even bothers to even LOOK AT ME>?W??!?!? I honestly don’t understand what’s so bad about me, I promise i am a good person. My sixth form has a high school, which I attended throughout y7 until y11 - so i know everyone, but clearly not enough because no one even notices that i am alone. Everyone has been sticking with their group since high school and i must admit, so have i. But they are gone now so i have no one. I have tried forcing myself into every friendship group in my year, but you can tell by their body language that I shouldn’t be here (they are so nice, but i needed to be in the group for wayyy longer to understand a lot of the inside jokes and even their general humour and interests idk). I joined a lot of lunch clubs, they’re called committees which only sixth formers can join. They were full of year 13s tho and barely any year 12s because they get lunch lol, I joined 3 so i can spend my lunch in there just talking to people. But now they have exams so i am completely all alone again
I am really sorry for my grammar hahaha but i feel like im going crazy, sometimes i talk to myself in front of my mirror thats in my room to make sure I remember how to socialise and just practice how to talk with people. If you ever see anyone alone on their phone, please go sit next to them ik you may not fully know them but thats how every friendship starts. Some people may be genuinely struggling, even those with a lot of friends! Check on everyone you love, please
Please, I am so desperate for advice on my situation. Someone please help me on what to do next. I will list down on what i have already done, let me know on stuff I haven’t done so i can try them next!!
- New wardrobe of clothes/new style
- Started to listen to more popular music that everyone knows so we can relate to them
- Handed people my notes to create a convo
- let people copy off me in exams
- bought people food
- gave people my data when i probably needed it more hahhaa
- learnt how people genuinely interact with each other so i can practice at home
- I learnt how to keep my replies short so they can talk over me, just so people can have a convo with me
- Offered to carry people’s stuff
- forced myself into different friendship groups
- Practiced fake stories just so i can have a convo and make people laugh, ik lying is horrible but they are only funny ones so they can think im funny and i should hangout with them
- spoke to my teachers about my situation: Honestly, they are no help
- purposely got in trouble so people can notice me - i just ended up embarrassing myself HAHAHA
- Faking that i hated a certain teacher so i can relate with people (this was so random idk why i did this, i never even saw that teacher in my life until a week later after this convo HAHA)
- still doing ongoing school volunteering with the younger students, i do this to make sure i can still properly socialise with people
I would do afterschool clubs but i have tuition every skl day unfortunatelyyyy
Again, please talk to people who are alone at break and lunch!! Thank you :-D

im sorry to hear that mate- from my experience you need to learn to enjoy your own company first, you need to then focus on improving yourself. I don't want to make assumptions about your appearance, but perhaps start working out or boxing. You'll find over time as you become more of a dark horse-ppl will gravitate towards you. DONT CHASE PPL- trust me, they'll subconsciously belittle you and ignore u

Reply 14

Original post by Anonymous
Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out, I am planning on going to a good university that is slightly far away from where I am currently living - I plan on finding friends then. Thank you again for taking your time for reading my vent hahaha!! You’re amazing, i will not lose hope

heyy , i hope your okay. im currently going through something similar, does life get any better?