My bf found out about my past

Me and my bf have been together for over an year now and he recently went through old texts with my friends and found out about my "hoe phase" lets just say. And even though we talked things out ( when we talked it he was shouting at me "YOU ARE A HOE" ," only hoes do THINGS LIKE THAT", " ******* hoe, omg i have been dating a hoe", i was silent the whole time) . Now even though ig we talked things out he keeps calling me names and saying disgusting things about it. I understood, i am not proud of what i did but he doesnt have to continue calling me names , my heart is in pieces. I dont understand, did i do something wrong? I thought past is past.. what should i do...

Reply 1

Scientist66

4

what did he mean by 'things like that' if its not rude to ask, but fr he sounds lowkey mean as hell if you as a person i dont see why how you have acted in the past should affect your relationship if he liked who you are, but i would say a good way to avoid people with such archaic world views is to be more open about your sexual history maybe earlier than a year into your relationship.

Reply 2

Mohammed_2000

18

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my bf have been together for over an year now and he recently went through old texts with my friends and found out about my "hoe phase" lets just say. And even though we talked things out ( when we talked it he was shouting at me "YOU ARE A HOE" ," only hoes do THINGS LIKE THAT", " ******* hoe, omg i have been dating a hoe", i was silent the whole time) . Now even though ig we talked things out he keeps calling me names and saying disgusting things about it. I understood, i am not proud of what i did but he doesnt have to continue calling me names , my heart is in pieces. I dont understand, did i do something wrong? I thought past is past.. what should i do...

Lol. Be honest about these things don’t keep things a secret.

Reply 3

Zarek

21

The past in this regard is none of his business unless you choose to share it. Tell him to cut it out if he cares for you and otherwise blow him out

Reply 4

Joe312

17

It's probably that he's jealous since he never had a hoe phase. He's expressing this jealousy through the cultural language traditionally used to shame women's sexual behaviour by those who wanted to control it. Sadly, he's likely not mature enough to recognise or deal with that. Nor is our culture in general, so it's not his fault really. Life = hard.

Reply 5

mathperson

20

You can't keep being punished for mistakes that you may have made. You're not the same person now as you were X number of years ago.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Ik you won’t like this but break up with him. If he can’t accept that you have a different lifestyle now, and his first reaction is to lash out at you, I’d say get out the situation. From what I see, he could possibly hold this against you for the rest of your relationship since he’s so insecure and may be unable to view you in a different way, regardless of how much he may apologise in future for his speech. What you did or who you did before your relationship with him is none of his business, he seems to have an issue with coming to terms with that

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my bf have been together for over an year now and he recently went through old texts with my friends and found out about my "hoe phase" lets just say. And even though we talked things out ( when we talked it he was shouting at me "YOU ARE A HOE" ," only hoes do THINGS LIKE THAT", " ******* hoe, omg i have been dating a hoe", i was silent the whole time) . Now even though ig we talked things out he keeps calling me names and saying disgusting things about it. I understood, i am not proud of what i did but he doesnt have to continue calling me names , my heart is in pieces. I dont understand, did i do something wrong? I thought past is past.. what should i do...

This is quite sad. I can understand why your boyfriend seems mad about it but he really can't treat someone like that especially if he loves them (I mean this because he is calling you really humiliating things). I am a firm believer that people can change, and everyone goes through all sorts of phases and thats okay because it makes it who you are today! Lets say you didnt have that phase... maybe you wouldnt put as much emphasis to a loving relationship like you have today. I hope everything turns out okay, and he can accept you for who you are :smile:

Reply 8

StriderHort

21

I don't think I'd tolerate or value anyone who spoke to me in such a way.

Reply 9

ageshallnot

21

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my bf have been together for over an year now and he recently went through old texts with my friends and found out about my "hoe phase" lets just say. And even though we talked things out ( when we talked it he was shouting at me "YOU ARE A HOE" ," only hoes do THINGS LIKE THAT", " ******* hoe, omg i have been dating a hoe", i was silent the whole time) . Now even though ig we talked things out he keeps calling me names and saying disgusting things about it. I understood, i am not proud of what i did but he doesnt have to continue calling me names , my heart is in pieces. I dont understand, did i do something wrong? I thought past is past.. what should i do...

You should perhaps point out that your past has made you the person you are today.

Reply 10

Casualobserver58

4

Original post by Joe312

It's probably that he's jealous since he never had a hoe phase. He's expressing this jealousy through the cultural language traditionally used to shame women's sexual behaviour by those who wanted to control it. Sadly, he's likely not mature enough to recognise or deal with that. Nor is our culture in general, so it's not his fault really. Life = hard.

Damn…l

Reply 11

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my bf have been together for over an year now and he recently went through old texts with my friends and found out about my "hoe phase" lets just say. And even though we talked things out ( when we talked it he was shouting at me "YOU ARE A HOE" ," only hoes do THINGS LIKE THAT", " ******* hoe, omg i have been dating a hoe", i was silent the whole time) . Now even though ig we talked things out he keeps calling me names and saying disgusting things about it. I understood, i am not proud of what i did but he doesnt have to continue calling me names , my heart is in pieces. I dont understand, did i do something wrong? I thought past is past.. what should i do...

First, come to terms with the fact that he is normal to be angry about it, this is because the fact is that most men want a girl who doesn't sleep about so that she is only theirs, talk to him about it and if you have a good reason then tell him and say that there isn't anything you can do to change your past. Also, your best bet here is to swear on something that you won't engage in this activity again or else he's likely not going to believe you if he's already angry about it.

Reply 12

Anonymous #6

Original post by Joe312

It's probably that he's jealous since he never had a hoe phase. He's expressing this jealousy through the cultural language traditionally used to shame women's sexual behaviour by those who wanted to control it. Sadly, he's likely not mature enough to recognise or deal with that. Nor is our culture in general, so it's not his fault really. Life = hard.

Why is he jealous of a hoe phase lmao

Reply 13

Anonymous #7

When you find the right person they will respect you and respect your past!!

Reply 14

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Late to the party but the issue isn’t your past, it’s your BF invading your privacy and then verbally abusing you. Get rid.

Reply 15

Doomotron

18

Original post by Anonymous

Why is he jealous of a hoe phase lmao

Because I'm told that sex is fun.

Reply 16

Rakas21

21

Your boyfriend has the right to full and honest disclosure about your past and who you are/have been. The past being the past is also a nonsense statement made to comfort you, people judge each other and prior actions can inform future actions.

With that being said, his reaction to this is questionable and you have the right to break up with him for it. He is clearly immature.

(edited 10 months ago)

Reply 17

Joe312

17

Original post by Anonymous

Why is he jealous of a hoe phase lmao

Cause he wishes he had one and feels insecure about not having had one. Sounds like you might be the same.

Reply 18

Anonymous #6

Original post by Doomotron

Because I'm told that sex is fun.

Bro it is but hasn’t he had sex before? And I thought a hoe phase is like super high body count. Why would he want a really high body count

Reply 19

Rakas21

21

Original post by Joe312

Cause he wishes he had one and feels insecure about not having had one. Sounds like you might be the same.

Generally speaking I get the impression that men are more concerned with the results of such behaviour than the behaviour itself.

I've rarely seen a man have a strongly jealous reaction like 'oh man, why can women sleep around but I can't' as opposed to being concerned about the fact that such behaviour may correlate with a higher number of exes around, sexual standards on the woman's part creating sexual insecurity and general social stigma (wrong or right). In short, generating an insecure environment for said man (justified or not).

(edited 10 months ago)

My bf found out about my past

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