The Student Room Group

My (25f) girlfriend (26f) drunkenly kissed another woman

For context my partner and I have been together for 4 years with no issues whatsoever. We’ve lived together we’ve traveled together and we’ve spent almost a year now doing long distance. It also turns out that we were both planning on proposing this year. However yesterday I got a phone call from her telling me that she kissed another girl on a drunken night out. Now my partner has always been a ******* ******** when drunk it’s like she becomes another person. She isn’t an alcoholic and doesn’t drink often at all but when she does drink she has a really bad reaction to it and doesn’t know when to stop. I asked how this kiss came about and she doesn’t really remember all she can tell me is that one minute she was talking to this girl who was a friend of a friend about how happy they were in their relationships (the other girl is dating a man) and the next thing she remembers is them kissing and she doesn’t remember anything after the kiss to give me context. When she called she was sobbing and devastated that she’d behaved that way, she’s told me she’s giving up drinking and will do anything to gain my trust back. Obviously I’m pretty upset by this as our perfect relationship has been forever ruined, there will now always be before the kiss and after the kiss. I just want to know what other people would do in my situation, would this be something you could get over? We are normally so so perfect for each other and I love her with my whole heart I’m just really sad that her issues with drinking have gotten to this point. Please help!
Original post by Anonymous
For context my partner and I have been together for 4 years with no issues whatsoever. We’ve lived together we’ve traveled together and we’ve spent almost a year now doing long distance. It also turns out that we were both planning on proposing this year. However yesterday I got a phone call from her telling me that she kissed another girl on a drunken night out. Now my partner has always been a ******* ******** when drunk it’s like she becomes another person. She isn’t an alcoholic and doesn’t drink often at all but when she does drink she has a really bad reaction to it and doesn’t know when to stop. I asked how this kiss came about and she doesn’t really remember all she can tell me is that one minute she was talking to this girl who was a friend of a friend about how happy they were in their relationships (the other girl is dating a man) and the next thing she remembers is them kissing and she doesn’t remember anything after the kiss to give me context. When she called she was sobbing and devastated that she’d behaved that way, she’s told me she’s giving up drinking and will do anything to gain my trust back. Obviously I’m pretty upset by this as our perfect relationship has been forever ruined, there will now always be before the kiss and after the kiss. I just want to know what other people would do in my situation, would this be something you could get over? We are normally so so perfect for each other and I love her with my whole heart I’m just really sad that her issues with drinking have gotten to this point. Please help!
I mean if she was making out with someone while drunk that is not normal at all. I've seen people be black out drunk and still not kiss others like that. If she really gives up drinking and does what she says, I don't see why you can't try to work through it. I also know that when my boyfriend cheated on me, I continued to be with him but I felt like I wasn't as into him anymore and it was kind of permanent. It will definitely change how you feel, and I know in my case it didn't stress me out, but I definitely thought he was cheating on me whenever we were long distance or whenever he didn't tell me what he was doing lol. I just stopped caring about him. I think it is a bit different in your case though because she seems like she is regretful and really wants to make your relationship work, so I think it is definitely worth really talking through everything with each other and being extra communicative to make sure you can feel like you can trust her again
Reply 2
It’s only a crazy drunken kiss, not premeditated or sustained cheating. I wouldn’t blow it out of proportion.
Original post by Anonymous
For context my partner and I have been together for 4 years with no issues whatsoever. We’ve lived together we’ve traveled together and we’ve spent almost a year now doing long distance. It also turns out that we were both planning on proposing this year. However yesterday I got a phone call from her telling me that she kissed another girl on a drunken night out. Now my partner has always been a ******* ******** when drunk it’s like she becomes another person. She isn’t an alcoholic and doesn’t drink often at all but when she does drink she has a really bad reaction to it and doesn’t know when to stop. I asked how this kiss came about and she doesn’t really remember all she can tell me is that one minute she was talking to this girl who was a friend of a friend about how happy they were in their relationships (the other girl is dating a man) and the next thing she remembers is them kissing and she doesn’t remember anything after the kiss to give me context. When she called she was sobbing and devastated that she’d behaved that way, she’s told me she’s giving up drinking and will do anything to gain my trust back. Obviously I’m pretty upset by this as our perfect relationship has been forever ruined, there will now always be before the kiss and after the kiss. I just want to know what other people would do in my situation, would this be something you could get over? We are normally so so perfect for each other and I love her with my whole heart I’m just really sad that her issues with drinking have gotten to this point. Please help!

She didn’t kiss a guy and okay she got high and drunk and kissed accidentally too perhaps what’s the big deal. She’s no cheat.
Reply 4
For me, it's your penultimate sentence that is significant: 'her issues with drinking'. Whilst not an alcoholic if she's not drinking every day and dependent on it, there's people that would say she suffers from alcoholism or alcohol misuse for the fact that she is binge-drinking and out of control when doing so.

Why has it taken a drunken kiss for your girlfriend to say she'll give up alcohol? If it affects her so badly, why hasn't she learnt to moderate her consumption before, then this wouldn't have happened? How does she intend to sort herself out? The latter is incredibly important; I would suggest she shows her commitment to you by getting help, as something is driving her to behave this way and there could be deeper issues that need addressing. Don't rush into any decisions either way; it's going to take time for you both to deal with this.

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