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GCSE creative writing description

Hi guys, my english language exam is tomorrow and was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to improve, as I understand it may be hard to give an exact mark. The prompt was a picture of a sunset in a city of which we had to describe. This was done timed, I just typed it up from my piece of paper.

Its gloriously glowing beams engulfed the optics of my eyes, piercing my peripheries with its amber ambience. My supple ski, wincing at its attack, wrinkled its surface to narrow my view. My coarse hands, almost levitating to its strange invitation, welcomed its rays as I accepted its strike on my skin. The sun’s final attempt at lighting this part of the world. It was as if it sought its last opportunity to break the barriers between my skin and flesh. My eyes; my soul. Its fighting force against me may have continued and succeeded if it weren’t for the overbearing blocks of buildings that interrupted its wishes. They too, sought for their own control on nature. Barbarically, they battled for their spotlight amongst the trees as if they somehow had swords that could slash and slice through the fragile flesh of trees, as they fought back to survive.

Yet, below on the ground, my shadow fought for freedom too. It grew with courage and malice, as it dominated the earth before my feet. It too, like the sun, engulfed the pitiful pavement in its path. Like the void of a blackhole, it warped and stretched like a celestial vacuum to suck up the last bits of light into its inescapable being.

It vanished.

Soon, the dirt of the clouds covered the somber skies with its sickly soot; the ashes of a battle. A battle between the shadow and the sun, that both seemed to have vanished in a furious flash of fire.

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GCSE creative writing description

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