Could someone mark my english language creative writing please!!

it is out of 40:
24 for content
16 for SPAG
Today is the third day of 'shraad' (remembering the dead) for my grandfather's passing, and I hope to learn more about the man that I never got to meet. In the Hindu tradition, 'shraad' is a sixteen day period of the year, dependant on the lunar calendar, where we remember our loved ones who have passed by performing rituals to protect their precious souls and help them in their journey to reincarnation.
I trod carefully up the stairs to the attic, trying to avoid the stairs creaking with every step I took. I opened the rusty latch to the attic and was instantly hit with an uncanny smell. The dismal atmosphere, with a thick layer of dust in the air almost deterred me from wanting to uncover the past family stories. I began to sort through the stack of old, dusty boxes that were tucked away in every corner, looking at the relics passed down through my family. A battered box was hidden beneath a few others, and I attempted to move it to the side to see the label. Some of the label was ripped but I could just about make out the words: "dada 21.03.34 - 18.05.79".
I began to look through the contents of the box, and found some sun-faded photos. I then came across a leather album with an inscription in gold on the front of the date "17.05.79", which seemed to be an album from my 'dada's' (grandfather's) last full day on earth.
I took the album downstairs to show my 'foi' (aunt), dusting off the cover as I went, intrigued to see what photos filled the coffee stained pages of the album. We turned page after page of her wedding album and with each photo she would vividly explain to me the story behind it, recalling each small detail. I turned the next page and saw a picture of her with a deep 'saree' (Indian dress) laced in gold, intricate embroidery, with the most beautiful 'haar' (floral necklace) made from magnolias, carnations and peonies wrapped delicately around her and my uncle, uniting them in marriage, with my grandfather standing next to them with his hands behind his back.
"Your marriage with Dilesh 'foa' has been perfect from the beginning" I said, in awe of the beauty of her wedding.
She stopped.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked as she turned to face me with a wistful look in her eyes. "Dada looks proud", I added in admiration, before she could answer.
"Your 'dada' was a very special man, whose chance of seeing his family grow up was cut short. Dada's dream was always to see all of his children and grandchildren married one day. However, when we found out that he was very ill and didn't have long left, he realised his wish wouldn't become a reality. Since I was the oldest of four, the responsibility of getting married fell to me. At the time, I was in a relationship with someone outside of the 'Malaghat gham' (my caste), and in those times to marry outside our 'gham' (caste) was looked down upon, so, for 'dada' to be able to see one of his children get married to a man who would be accepted by the community, I had to end the relationship with my boyfriend, who I was infatuated with, despite the fact that he was willing to get married.
The word soon spread through our village that I was to get married, and with 'dada' being highly commended by the community, it didn't take long to find a man who could be accepted into our family. 'Dada' gave me some potential options of husbands and after meeting with them all I settled on Dilesh. I met your 'foa' (uncle) a few times before we got married, and although he was a good man, I knew it was going to take a while before I could accept and feel comfortable with the situation at hand.
The marriage was arranged within the same month with the guest list reaching 700 people, including our family, distant friends and the whole of the community. The wedding of the eldest daughter in the Indian culture is always a big deal and 'dada' made sure that he approved every part of the wedding, so that the fantasy that he envisaged was as meticulous as he has dreamed it to be. All of the 'shaak' (vegetable curry), 'rotlis' (chapattis) and 'dhaal' (lentils) was cooked by Kamu, Lily and Priya, in large steel bowls to feed all 700 guests.
Looking back on the wedding, I now realise that it was one of the happiest days of my life but at the time the thought of 'dada's' imminent passing was all that I could focus on. However, the following day, which should have been filled with love, endearment and intimacy, was instead full of grief, loss and anguish at the passing of a man who was admired by all. Although I wished I could have spent more time with 'dada', he was finally at peace, so to hope he could have stayed longer whilst being in indescribable pain almost seems like a selfish thing to wish for.
As much as I love Dilesh, I'll never be able to shake the thought of what life would have been like had 'dada' never been ill and I had had the chance to marry the man who made me truly happy."