Advice about losing friends at uni

I'm in 2nd year at uni and I've just finished a year in a student house with 5 friends I met in 1st year. At first it was really fun and good and I thought I'd met friends for life. However, since January I've realised how much backstabbing is going on, how judgemental they are, and that they aren't considerate as housemates. I had enough of the childishness and decided I'm going to move out for 3rd year. This has obviously meant I don't speak to them much anymore as they're not happy with me (which I do understand because obviously they had to find a replacement for me for the contract so I put them in an awkward position).
Anywho, they were pretty much my only friends at uni and they all do the same course as me so I'll be forced to see them 3rd/4th year. I have really bad anxiety and my doctor thinks I might be autistic (waiting on assessment), so I'm really struggling with handling this at the moment. Every time I see them I feel like I'm being/have been talked about. I don't wanna be friends but I at least thought we could be civil, however they've been really cold with me for weeks.

I don't know how to deal with the anxiety and anger that comes with this, especially in exam season as well. I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice or any words of wisdom. TIA

Reply 1

Izzi2005

I also struggle with anxiety and have autism. I’ve had a similar experience in my first year, I had a group of friends who ended up being nasty and then ditched me around January. My best advice I can give is to maybe talk to others in your course, if you’re not confident in doing that in person maybe go onto social media and send them a message saying hello :smile:

, or what worked for me is downloading this app called Bumble for Friends. It helps you meet new people in your area under your set criteria’s (it’s like tinder but friends). I’m happy to give you my insta if you’re looking for any new friends in general? I’m at UCA in Canterbury.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

hey, although i havent been diagnosed with anything, i can empathise with you to an extent. i would say the one thing that helped me the most was realising that the best company you can have is yourself. The thoughts that are best for you will usually occur in your own mind, so I would say maybe it's nice to spend time on your own. Ive also dealt with the hate that comes after avoiding people- for this the only and best advice would be ignore unless they get physical because realistically they're not going to do anything crazy to you. otw report them, even though this might alienate you, there are always other people that you havent gotten to know. If they are being cold to you, don't respond to them and make sure you don't build up any emotion. for me the anger got pretty bad but i just tried to channel it into other things like working out etc. The only person who can truly get yourself out of any situation you are in will 99% of the time be you

Reply 3

kass03

i haven't been diagnosed but i too think im autistic, realizing this made me understand why i struggle to make friends. i always say i didn't really 'make' my friends in highschool, i feel like they just found me. idk. i didn't make any friends at college because i was too shy and nervous to speak to them. i didn't know what to say. but yeah, i understand a bit how you feel on that front.

your old friends/housemates, they do sound cold. you had every right to move out if you didn't like living with them. thats their fault, if they weren't as you described, you wouldnt have moved out leaving them without another roommate. i agree with the above reply, ignore them completely. if they wanna walk around being uncivil and possibly talking about you, let them! focus on yourself, your education, and anyhting else in your life! you can flourish and grow whilst they stay negative.

i understand, though, how hard it can be with anxiety, like no matter how much you want to think about anything else, you will still think about how they might react at your next class together.

as for making new friends, again it can be difficult, but i say go for it. talk to more people in your class or like the person above said, do it online.

i think overall though, first and foremost, take care of yourself. block anything out and focus on you, and then things hopefully get better for you. i hope everything starts to look up for you and get better.