The Student Room Group

Friendship or love?

My question is - how do you know when you've found love, for example if you are queer? How can you tell the difference between really liking someone as a great BFF, or being in love with them?
I made a new friend about a year ago. We really clicked. We instantly had so much in common - from our eating habits to our interests. I found our conversations so interesting, far more interesting than any of my other peers. I wanted and still want to spend as much time with them as possible. To sum it up, as soon as i met this person i knew i wanted them in my life forever. But as a friend or a partner? How do i know if they are just the most amazing friend ever or if im in love?
Reply 1
That was… deep. It’s a hard question. I think anyone would struggle to explain it because no one fully understands themselves, but I’ll try.

I met my childhood BFF when I was three and we spent every living moment together. She moved away when we were ten, and Covid finished off our slowly dying relationship. Her eighteenth birthday was the first time I’d seen her since 2020, and I’m glad I went because I never forgot about her. When I was younger, I expected her to be by my side forever. I thought that she would come back, or would favour me and her old life to her new one. I was never in love with her, but I still care about her deeply, and we’re bonded for life.

On the other hand, I have another friend, who I liked when I was thirteen. Compared to all the boys I had “crushes” on, my feelings for her felt so much more genuine. I thought I was over it, but we still talk, and sometimes, the same feelings resurface. All I know is that she makes me feel good about myself and the world when I talk to her, and that I like having her presence in my life.

I guess the difference is ‘what role do you want someone to have in your life’? There are so many different types of attraction physical, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, romantic, emotional, platonic etc. You can like someone aesthetically and be their friend without wanting to get with them physically, but you may also like someone in a romantic way without particularly wanting to be with them sexually.
Reply 2
Original post by sppm726
That was… deep. It’s a hard question. I think anyone would struggle to explain it because no one fully understands themselves, but I’ll try.
I met my childhood BFF when I was three and we spent every living moment together. She moved away when we were ten, and Covid finished off our slowly dying relationship. Her eighteenth birthday was the first time I’d seen her since 2020, and I’m glad I went because I never forgot about her. When I was younger, I expected her to be by my side forever. I thought that she would come back, or would favour me and her old life to her new one. I was never in love with her, but I still care about her deeply, and we’re bonded for life.
On the other hand, I have another friend, who I liked when I was thirteen. Compared to all the boys I had “crushes” on, my feelings for her felt so much more genuine. I thought I was over it, but we still talk, and sometimes, the same feelings resurface. All I know is that she makes me feel good about myself and the world when I talk to her, and that I like having her presence in my life.
I guess the difference is ‘what role do you want someone to have in your life’? There are so many different types of attraction physical, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, romantic, emotional, platonic etc. You can like someone aesthetically and be their friend without wanting to get with them physically, but you may also like someone in a romantic way without particularly wanting to be with them sexually.

Thanks. I can relate with you and your other friend, feeling like your feelings felt much more genuine than with boy crushes - that's exactly how I feel! And I agree that she makes me feel good about myself and I like having her presence in my life. Maybe I want her romantically but not sexually. I understand that it's quite a complex topic and everyone is different, so there is no straight answer. I really hope she is present in my life forever, and I think I will need some time to think about what role I want her to play in my life. Thankyou for your quick response, I feel like you understand what I mean. 🙂
Reply 3
Original post by Lilacfern
Thanks. I can relate with you and your other friend, feeling like your feelings felt much more genuine than with boy crushes - that's exactly how I feel! And I agree that she makes me feel good about myself and I like having her presence in my life. Maybe I want her romantically but not sexually. I understand that it's quite a complex topic and everyone is different, so there is no straight answer. I really hope she is present in my life forever, and I think I will need some time to think about what role I want her to play in my life. Thankyou for your quick response, I feel like you understand what I mean. 🙂
I saw ‘queer’ and instantly thought ‘oh - I can probably help with that’! If she has been on your mind a lot, it shows that you care for her. Whatever happens, I’m glad you have her in your life :smile:
Reply 4
Original post by sppm726
I saw ‘queer’ and instantly thought ‘oh - I can probably help with that’! If she has been on your mind a lot, it shows that you care for her. Whatever happens, I’m glad you have her in your life :smile:

Thanks! 🙂

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