The Student Room Group

Family problems...

I'm a full-time university student, I've been attending counselling the university has given me to deal with my own issues. After attending for a while I had a break through and realised my family was dysfunctional. I hate the fact I finally realised through counselling, as I lost many friends over the years who kept telling me that my family was dysfunctional and I needed to cut contact for my own good.

Well, yesterday, it finally happened. My siblings and I got into a massvie argument over politics. I don't want to bring politics up but my sister's are labour supporters whereas I'm a conservative. You can tell we disagree on a lot of stuff. I personally don't care what political party you are from, I would love a civil debate with everybody and find some common ground. I won't call you names because you support a different political party.

My sister kept calling me pathetic and stupid for being a tory, I kept asking why, polietly. I always asked "why am I pathetic and stupid for being a tory?" My sister would never answer and continued to repeat it. It led to a full blown on argument. She said hurtful things that I can never forgive nor forget. She said I'm a danger to my nephew, She told me she wouldn't ever let me be alone with my nephew as I'm a tory. I finally cut them off.

I live alone and one of my sister's who's autistic has been trying to move back in with me and I won't allow it. They said hurtul things I can't forget or forgive, I don't hate them, I wish them well for the future.
But, again I cut of my entire family. I deleted all social media profiles and changed my phone number yesterday afternoon. I'm trying to search for a new place, I'm looking to move closer to university, it's still moving nearer to them as it's a 20-minute drive from their house, but they won't know where I live and I'll be avoiding entering their county.

However, I no longer feel safe. I had a nightmare last night. My family know the university I attend and the course I'm doing. I had a nightmare that my siblings showed up and waited for me outside my classroom, they also went to the library to find me and speak to and wouldn't stop following me about until I got security involved, I feel unsafe and scared right now. Although, this morning was the first time in a very long time where I woke up and finally felt happy for once and like a whole weight had been lifted of my shoulder.

I know it's not a great idea to post things on the internet and ask strangers for advice. I feel so free yet scared and alone, I have no idea what to do. If anyone has advice I'd be grateful.
Reply 1
Hey, can I just say I'm really glad you found a bit of peace by cutting off your family. You've 100% done the right thing as even your mind is settled. This fear seems really scary, I wonder how long you have left at university? If you feel really unsafe, maybe try walking in groups, or with other people, so if you do see your family, you have people around you, so they're unlikely to try anything. You've moved so that's a start as they don't know where you live, and they can't contact you. I wonder if they're the kind of people to grow fed up and leave you? If not, do you think, like really think, that they would go after you? If you're convinced that they will and would, be alert and keep safe, I hope that in a public place, they would be unlikely to throw an argument or kick up a fuss, so try to stay in public places. And if need be, know how to get security to help, and I'm not fully sure on laws or anything, but if something does happen and it gets out of hand, maybe see if there's anything you can do in terms of the law? But I'm assuming this is expensive and maybe a bit excessive.
I hope things go well with you and that your future is brighter
You could contact your student union and student support services for advice about moving, including the accommodation team or hardship funding if you are short of funds.

Universities, like all organisations, are obliged to follow data protection laws and cannot give out sensitive and personal information like your new address.

So for example, we had students estranged from their children where we refused to set up meetings with them at their parents request. It also meant, unfortunately, that an International student who fathered a child, hid from his responsibilities because we could not facilitate a meeting or discuss matters with the ex girlfriend.

That said, when I worked for a Uni and a college so we had a duty of care towards students which required us to undertake welfare checks at the request of families where we would confirm that the student is okay.

You could also look into the rules and policies around estranged students at your Uni.

I know that a petty argument around politics descended into hurtful accusations. Look into Grey Rocking as a way of dealing with negative communication.

"The grey rock method is where you deliberately act unresponsive or unengaged so that an abusive person will lose interest in you. Abusive people thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and don't show your emotions, they may lose interest and stop bothering you."

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