The Student Room Group

Person I had a falling out with ages ago going to same uni as me

This is the predicament I've found myself in:

Basically, my firm choice is Manchester but recently I was told by my dad that a friend who I had a bit of a nasty falling out with a while ago (but we were in separate school on opposite ends of London then) was also considering Manchester as one of his choices. To add to that, we're also both doing undergraduate history.

Now obviously the chances of us being in the same accommodation are pretty slim (roughly 1/400 chance if my math is correct), but I am worried about bumping into him on my way to lectures and walking out and about. Also this guy is super obsessed with history, so I also feel like I wouldn't be able to join the history society (or the historical re-enactment society 🤓) because he'd probably be there.

Admittedly, this is making me a bit anxious and is definitely mitigating my excitement for uni. Now technically there is a chance that he chooses a different uni as his firm, and apparently his dad wasn't confident that he would get the required grades, but assuming that he does get in, is that a cause for concern? Am I likely to bump into him a lot?
Yes if you are both taking History and the intake is small - 50-60 then you will end up in lectures together and possibly tutorials. If the intake is 100+ then the chances are slim. Manchester is a huge uni with over 20k students so no need to worry about bumping into him socially.
Original post by Anonymous
This is the predicament I've found myself in:
Basically, my firm choice is Manchester but recently I was told by my dad that a friend who I had a bit of a nasty falling out with a while ago (but we were in separate school on opposite ends of London then) was also considering Manchester as one of his choices. To add to that, we're also both doing undergraduate history.
Now obviously the chances of us being in the same accommodation are pretty slim (roughly 1/400 chance if my math is correct), but I am worried about bumping into him on my way to lectures and walking out and about. Also this guy is super obsessed with history, so I also feel like I wouldn't be able to join the history society (or the historical re-enactment society 🤓) because he'd probably be there.
Admittedly, this is making me a bit anxious and is definitely mitigating my excitement for uni. Now technically there is a chance that he chooses a different uni as his firm, and apparently his dad wasn't confident that he would get the required grades, but assuming that he does get in, is that a cause for concern? Am I likely to bump into him a lot?
Are you a lad? If so, not sure you should be worrying yourself about another lad. Just my opinion.
Reply 3
Don't change the university you're going to because of that. Unless you genuinely equally preferred another university anyway. Although if it's a redbrick university you're looking for, Manchester is rated the best for this subject and in general as a university. Birmingham is not that far behind though.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Anonymous
This is the predicament I've found myself in:
Basically, my firm choice is Manchester but recently I was told by my dad that a friend who I had a bit of a nasty falling out with a while ago (but we were in separate school on opposite ends of London then) was also considering Manchester as one of his choices. To add to that, we're also both doing undergraduate history.
Now obviously the chances of us being in the same accommodation are pretty slim (roughly 1/400 chance if my math is correct), but I am worried about bumping into him on my way to lectures and walking out and about. Also this guy is super obsessed with history, so I also feel like I wouldn't be able to join the history society (or the historical re-enactment society 🤓) because he'd probably be there.
Admittedly, this is making me a bit anxious and is definitely mitigating my excitement for uni. Now technically there is a chance that he chooses a different uni as his firm, and apparently his dad wasn't confident that he would get the required grades, but assuming that he does get in, is that a cause for concern? Am I likely to bump into him a lot?

Anon,

You say that you had this falling out a while ago, so maybe this person has moved on. They might not want to be close friends with you, but there might be no reason to think that they will give you grief/problems at uni. It is likely they will be hoping that you don’t bad mouth them to your new fellow peers and that you let bygones be bygones, as they do the same for you.

Changing your plans now could you make you bitter, resentful or angry and may even backfire. If you ended up changing your plans and he didn’t end up going to Manchester, you would feel so annoyed! You could also change your plans and by doing so end not going to Manchester but still end up going to the same university as them (Great minds think alike!). What will be, will be. At present you need to focus on getting into Manchester, rather than worrying if he will be there you want to make sure you’ll be there!!!

Also, at present, it might seem as if you could never be friends with this person again, but in new surroundings, meeting lots of new people and trying to get used to university life, it might be easier to gravitate towards a person you already know than a complete stranger. Who knows, you might strike up a friendship again!

Stay focused on your exams,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous
This is the predicament I've found myself in:
Basically, my firm choice is Manchester but recently I was told by my dad that a friend who I had a bit of a nasty falling out with a while ago (but we were in separate school on opposite ends of London then) was also considering Manchester as one of his choices. To add to that, we're also both doing undergraduate history.
Now obviously the chances of us being in the same accommodation are pretty slim (roughly 1/400 chance if my math is correct), but I am worried about bumping into him on my way to lectures and walking out and about. Also this guy is super obsessed with history, so I also feel like I wouldn't be able to join the history society (or the historical re-enactment society 🤓) because he'd probably be there.
Admittedly, this is making me a bit anxious and is definitely mitigating my excitement for uni. Now technically there is a chance that he chooses a different uni as his firm, and apparently his dad wasn't confident that he would get the required grades, but assuming that he does get in, is that a cause for concern? Am I likely to bump into him a lot?

Hi there,

This sounds like a stressful situation so I understand where you are coming from.

I would say to try not to worry too much about it as you can't let someone you had a falling out with potentially ruin your uni experience! Manchester is a massive uni with loads of students so it's unlikely you will bump into them around uni and at social events etc as there are so many students. However, if you do the same course you might bump into them as you may have the same lectures and even seminars, depending on how many students are on your course. Lecture halls are massive and you don't tend to talk to many people so I wouldn't worry too much about that and in seminars there will be plenty of other people to talk to and make friends with .

With the societies, don't stop doing something that you really want to do because you are worried they might be there. Even if they are, there will be plenty of other people there too so try not to worry too much about it. Like you said, they may not even go to that uni so don't let it stress you out or make you less excited to go to uni.

You never know, you may end up becoming friends again (or even just civil with each other) so it might be fine even if you do see them and join the same societies as them.

I hope this helps and try not to worry too much :smile:

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 6
It is also possible that he now knows that you might be going to Manchester (if the dads shared info both ways).
Without knowing any of the details of the falling-out, I don't think you should actively avoid being in the same uni as him. Even if you think you could make that happen, as others have pointed out you still might end up at the same uni by some twist of fate. You simply cannot control things to that degree.
Now that you know it is a possibility, you should focus instread on managing your reactions. Try to work out what it is that is worrying you about bumping into him again. A few sessions of CBT could help you to work through some of the negative thinking you are experiencing.

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