i like my friend's ex

i like my friend's ex boyfriend and i'm probably going to ask him out in july but i will ask for her permission a week or so before i do it

they dated for 71 days (around 2 months) so i don't know if it was serious or not because i only know how their relationship started and ended, not what happened during it

i need to know if i should do it or not. on one hand, this could be a relationship that makes me really happy. however, on the other hand, i could be losing someone i've been friends with for so long. please help me decide what to do

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

please talk to your friend!! I personally think this breaks girl code/boy code and is quite disrespectful if you date a friends ex boyfriend/girlfriend no matter how long they were together. But this depends on how your friend feels about it. Discuss it properly and if they say they are uncomfortable do not go ahead unless you wanna sacrifice your friendship over a boy.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

thank you for your advice

i obviously wouldn’t ask him out if my friend shows even the slighest amount of discomfort with it, friendships are worth so much more than relationships

Reply 3

Wired_1800

Original post by Anonymous

i like my friend's ex boyfriend and i'm probably going to ask him out in july but i will ask for her permission a week or so before i do it
they dated for 71 days (around 2 months) so i don't know if it was serious or not because i only know how their relationship started and ended, not what happened during it
i need to know if i should do it or not. on one hand, this could be a relationship that makes me really happy. however, on the other hand, i could be losing someone i've been friends with for so long. please help me decide what to do

Yes, but talk to your friend first.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Wired_1800

Yes, but talk to your friend first.

i will. the main thing i’m worried about is her telling people that i’m going to ask him out before i get the chance to do it (even if i explicitly ask her to not tell anyone else). this is because things spread really fast in our school and he might hear about it on the same day i talk to her about it

Reply 5

Wired_1800

Original post by Anonymous

Do it on the same day and close together. For example, speak to her at 11:30 am and speak to him at 12.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Wired_1800

Do it on the same day and close together. For example, speak to her at 11:30 am and speak to him at 12.

i don't know how i never thought of that, thank you

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

It’s a bit risky.. there’s a chance he may not have feelings for you and then you’ll end up ruining your friendship with her, and still not get
the guy in the end. Even if she says it’s fine, I’m pretty sure a small part of her will see you in a different light. How long ago did they break up? Maybe you even making her aware of your feelings for him could make her suspicious. She might think you secretly liked him throughout their relationship, or that you’re happy they broke up.

Do you know if he hurt her in any way? Not only that, but if you start dating, it might negatively impact your friend in the long run because people will notice that her own friend is dating her ex. Which could be embarrassing for her, eventually weakening your bond.

Do your friend and her ex still speak? If not, how has she reacted to you speaking to him or speaking about him? Are you certain that she no longer has feelings for him? Before you ask her for permission, are you absolutely positive that the guy likes you too? Maybe before you do anything, test the waters and see how your friend reacts to you speaking about her ex in a casual way. And also try to see whether he might like you. There’s also the possibility that he might still have feelings for her, or another girl, so try and do some research (in your own ethical way lol)

I’m sorry for all the pressing questions but it’s better to be safe and consider different factors & possible scenarios instead of taking the risk