Relationship

I have been with my boyfriend for a few years, and he has cheated on me in the past, we are working together to build trust, and he has been good to me past few months.

He’s tried to not trigger me, talks me through my fears, and has given me transparency with his social media.

He has done freelance modelling over the years but wants to get to know models that are signed to agencies to try break into the industry in that way himself.

Anyway, there’s this female model he’s been following for some time- he’s liked most of her posts, including bikini and revealing photos, which made me uncomfortable but I didn’t say much at the time.

Recently, her and her model boyfriend did a thrift sale of some of their stuff, and my boyfriend met them and a couple other models at the sale.

Ever since this, him liking her posts has bugged me again, and I’ve spoken on it. Because to me, it doesn’t matter if they’re celebrities, models, people he’d never meet, because they’re all people, and no one is too out of reach, like this model here, who is pretty big in the industry, but lives in our area.

Today he responded to one of her stories she put up with two other female model and my boyfriend responded to it saying, “the ultimate links up”, and she replied back with “😂❤️”.

This has really triggered me. He’s trying hard to get to know her because she’s in the industry, but I’m uncomfortable.

I’ve been in a situation where he has befriended a married female model in the past, she then went through a divorce a few months later and he cheated on me with her.

I am bothered, but part of me is unsure if I’m being unreasonable, as he’s just trying to network, and I’m stopping him from achieving something he wants. I don’t want him to resent me, and I don’t want to be unfair.

But I can’t shake how trigerred I am today.

Any opinions? Do I seem to be unreasonable? Any suggestions on how we can work around this?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

you are not unreasonable. Once trust is broken in that way, like broken ceramic, it can be reattached but the crack will always show. I am not saying this is the end of the relationship or that you cannot work through this, but the triggered response you are having is a result of the break of trust and he needs to understand this. I would say talk with him and calmly explain how you feel - don’t apologise or minimise your feelings as it is completely understandable and in your right to feel this way. If he cares for you, he will act in a way that makes you comfortable, if he would rather prioritise his personal ambitions then that is his choice, but in return you should prioritise your mental wellbeing and consider how happy you will be if this continues further into your relationship. Don’t just put this aside or let him gaslight you into it ‘not being a big deal’ it needs to be discussed in a mature way and he must understand that this is hard for you. Try and reach a compromise in which you are comfortable and he can progress his career. Theo spoke to me as my partner is a model and we are engaged, when he does shoots with female models but will invite me there, when he takes pictures for social media he puts his arms infront of himself not them, they often tell me he will talk fondly of me and bring our relationship up in conversation. None of this I asked him to do but he does it to ensure I’m comfortable with the nature of his work. That shows someone who can appreciate their partners feelings whilst maintaining their career. I hope all works out :smile: