The Student Room Group

Frustrated with my wealthy (and unemployed) boyfriend!!

I want to start off by saying I love and care for my boyfriend a lot, and I know he loves and cares about me too. We are both 18 and have been dating for almost two years now. Mostly, we have a very strong and good relationship. But at the same time, when I’m by myself and start thinking about thing, I have this extreme frustration and anger towards him and his lifestyle - I don’t think it’s jealously, more just frustration as to how disconnected he is from what it’s like not to have a super wealthy family who can provide absolutely everything for their children. To put into context, I’m not from a particularly wealthy family, so I’ve been working part time since I was 13 on top of full time school. I also participate in, and pay for, my own figure skating lessons which takes up a lot of time. I took driving lessons for six months and worked to help my mum pay for my lessons and driving test. I struggle with the fact that I have to work to help pay for all of these things and all the while my boyfriend has every opportunity to do things like learning to drive, participating in extracurricular activities etc all of which his parents would pay for, but yet he chooses not to. I often finding myself thinking he’s just lazy, though I never would say that to him. We’ve both left school now and have many months before college starts, so I am using this time to work a lot and my boyfriend is doing absolutely nothing with his time. I suggested maybe he could learn to drive since his parents would pay for all of the costs but he dismissed this idea quickly. This frustrates me especially since I have passed my driving test but cannot afford to insure a car, and my boyfriend always gets on at me that I should pay for insurance so I can drive us both places. And he won’t even learn to drive, even though his parents would cover his lessons AND insurance! He has no desire to learn. For me it was a privilege to be able to afford and to pass my test and I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to learn if it won’t cost him anything. He has been unemployed for almost a year. He had one job which lasted a couple of months a long time ago. He’s been saying he will look for a new job for MONTHS. And he has done nothing about it despite me nagging him and offering to help him with a CV and to look for jobs. What really irritates me is that almost every day he complains that he ‘can’t’ get a CV written, he just simply can’t for no identifiable reason. I’m trying so hard to stay patient, but while I’m working my ass off to save for college, he’s complaining every day that he’s just unable to complete a CV. I get really angry at this since for me working is not a choice - it is something I do so I can financially support myself. Meanwhile he’s moaning about the difficulties of simply writing a CV, which has been going on for several months which to be honest I find pathetic. It would take twenty minutes to throw one together. I’m embarrassed when people ask what my boyfriend does, and I have to tell them he’s unemployed for no reason. And on top of that he can’t drive, and isn’t even planning on learning. His parents pay for everything he needs and to be honest I think this might just be a result of him being spoiled. I cringe at the things I’ve heard his mum say to him. When we go out, his mum always asks him if he needs more money. She buys him designed branded clothes because he’s ’worth all the money in the world’ and to be honest I find it quite sickening while I have to work for most of what I have. I have so much anger surrounding this and it’s driving me insane and I wish I didn’t feel this way. Can anyone help? What should I do? Is this a me problem?
Original post by Anonymous
I want to start off by saying I love and care for my boyfriend a lot, and I know he loves and cares about me too. We are both 18 and have been dating for almost two years now. Mostly, we have a very strong and good relationship. But at the same time, when I’m by myself and start thinking about thing, I have this extreme frustration and anger towards him and his lifestyle - I don’t think it’s jealously, more just frustration as to how disconnected he is from what it’s like not to have a super wealthy family who can provide absolutely everything for their children. To put into context, I’m not from a particularly wealthy family, so I’ve been working part time since I was 13 on top of full time school. I also participate in, and pay for, my own figure skating lessons which takes up a lot of time. I took driving lessons for six months and worked to help my mum pay for my lessons and driving test. I struggle with the fact that I have to work to help pay for all of these things and all the while my boyfriend has every opportunity to do things like learning to drive, participating in extracurricular activities etc all of which his parents would pay for, but yet he chooses not to. I often finding myself thinking he’s just lazy, though I never would say that to him. We’ve both left school now and have many months before college starts, so I am using this time to work a lot and my boyfriend is doing absolutely nothing with his time. I suggested maybe he could learn to drive since his parents would pay for all of the costs but he dismissed this idea quickly. This frustrates me especially since I have passed my driving test but cannot afford to insure a car, and my boyfriend always gets on at me that I should pay for insurance so I can drive us both places. And he won’t even learn to drive, even though his parents would cover his lessons AND insurance! He has no desire to learn. For me it was a privilege to be able to afford and to pass my test and I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to learn if it won’t cost him anything. He has been unemployed for almost a year. He had one job which lasted a couple of months a long time ago. He’s been saying he will look for a new job for MONTHS. And he has done nothing about it despite me nagging him and offering to help him with a CV and to look for jobs. What really irritates me is that almost every day he complains that he ‘can’t’ get a CV written, he just simply can’t for no identifiable reason. I’m trying so hard to stay patient, but while I’m working my ass off to save for college, he’s complaining every day that he’s just unable to complete a CV. I get really angry at this since for me working is not a choice - it is something I do so I can financially support myself. Meanwhile he’s moaning about the difficulties of simply writing a CV, which has been going on for several months which to be honest I find pathetic. It would take twenty minutes to throw one together. I’m embarrassed when people ask what my boyfriend does, and I have to tell them he’s unemployed for no reason. And on top of that he can’t drive, and isn’t even planning on learning. His parents pay for everything he needs and to be honest I think this might just be a result of him being spoiled. I cringe at the things I’ve heard his mum say to him. When we go out, his mum always asks him if he needs more money. She buys him designed branded clothes because he’s ’worth all the money in the world’ and to be honest I find it quite sickening while I have to work for most of what I have. I have so much anger surrounding this and it’s driving me insane and I wish I didn’t feel this way. Can anyone help? What should I do? Is this a me problem?

As your just 18, I think you can relax. You should be proud of yourself and know, what you achieve by yourself, but not spend too much energy on your boyfriend. He is probably stuck in puberty and still has to grow up, and that sometimes just happens later. Showing him with your example, that not everyone is spoiled and that yeah, insurance is just not a possibility for you at the moment, is I guess, as much as you can do. So maybe just see your relationship at one side and your future on the other side and do not consider it necessarily connected. Give time for your two to grow up at different speed, BUT articulate your expectations, discuss the future and work proactively together, so that it works and then, when it does not work, you know, it actually does not. But I do not know your plans, but 18 is still quite young, when you would be 25 upwards, I would be more worried...
I would guess, his parents do want to support him, probably give him some slack, but they probably do not envision a 28 year old mama boy without job ... so he will probably get some pressure from other sides as well, ...

For your own sake: Yes, it is annoying, but there will be always someone richer and always someone, who has it easier around you. But do not limit yourself by getting jealous of him, some kids have it all, yes, but others, brand cloth / public school /etc. .... but the father might be an alcoholic... so it is not allways as bright as it seems. Shape the life you like and you can be proud what you make out of your own possibilities. You can walk with a high head, the poshest roads, because they are just people, in more expensive clothes, that is all. And from what I see, it is you who has the driver's license or? Not him?
Reply 2
I like to read and hear other people's struggle stories, because I like to study human behaviour in my free time, as a hobby, what I'm about to say might sound harsh but I see a pattern here, and if it makes you feel better I went through a similar situation as you, except it was with emotional needs and strugles. My significant other at that time told me that I'm fullfilled emotionally, and I'm searching for others to spend my time with, meanwhile my SO hasn't fullfiled it's emotional needs for quite a while now, and that's why they broke up with me.

The similarity is there, but instead of emotional needs, there are finnancial needs that aren't fullfiled for you and are overflowing for him, that is something that you cannot connect together with, and I'm sorry if I'm too direct, but one of you will eventually break up with the other for some given reason, but the actual psychological reason will be that you aren't on the same level of needs as eachother.
He needs another designer brand in his closet, You need to find a way to make more money to survive.

The only way you can avoid that is for their family to accept you in their family and basically marry a rich man and let them fullfill your finnancial needs, then you can maybe feel good about your boyfriend / husband to be

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