The Student Room Group

My long distance boyfriend no longer travels for me, am I in the wrong here?

Im seeking advice as my boyfriend seems to think I’m being unreasonable. Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 months now, we live 3 hours away from each other and at the beginning of the relationship we would meet in the middle. However since he drives and I take the train, his car broke meaning he could no longer drive and I was very understanding of this and decided it would only be fair if I travelled to his city. This continued for months even after his car was fixed as it became a habit, now I’ve finally spoke up about it and asked if we can meet halfway again sometimes as I’m getting tired of always being the one travelling but don’t mind doing most of the travelling. He agreed then cancelled on me the night before saying he would be to tired to drive as he works early shifts meaning he was to wake up at 4am but finishes at 11.30 and has whole rest of the day off and that If I was truly an understanding girlfriend I should understand he works and travel to him since I am a student and I do not work or wait till a time where he is off work. But he rarely has time off work so this would mean I would barely see him and I’m hurt he would be fine with that. Am I wrong for feeling like he is no longer prioritising me? He never had an issue at the beginning of the relationship to travel but now I think he has became to comfortable with me travelling to him that he knows he no longer has to put in effort. It’s making me question if he cares about me as much as he used to and I have a feeling if I never travelled to his city he wouldn’t come to see me. All his friends have said I’m in the wrong and that I should understand since I don’t work that I shouldn’t expect him to drive long distances on barely any sleep but I feel like if he really loved me and wanted to spend time with me then him being tired wouldn’t stop him from putting in the effort. Thoughts on this?
"I shouldn’t expect him to drive long distances on barely any sleep". This. It's incredibly dangerous to him and other people.

Does he have the whole rest of the day off or does he have to do housework, laundry, shopping and get some sleep? But what is stopping him getting a train?
Reply 2
Original post by Eliseb567
Im seeking advice as my boyfriend seems to think I’m being unreasonable. Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 months now, we live 3 hours away from each other and at the beginning of the relationship we would meet in the middle. However since he drives and I take the train, his car broke meaning he could no longer drive and I was very understanding of this and decided it would only be fair if I travelled to his city. This continued for months even after his car was fixed as it became a habit, now I’ve finally spoke up about it and asked if we can meet halfway again sometimes as I’m getting tired of always being the one travelling but don’t mind doing most of the travelling. He agreed then cancelled on me the night before saying he would be to tired to drive as he works early shifts meaning he was to wake up at 4am but finishes at 11.30 and has whole rest of the day off and that If I was truly an understanding girlfriend I should understand he works and travel to him since I am a student and I do not work or wait till a time where he is off work. But he rarely has time off work so this would mean I would barely see him and I’m hurt he would be fine with that. Am I wrong for feeling like he is no longer prioritising me? He never had an issue at the beginning of the relationship to travel but now I think he has became to comfortable with me travelling to him that he knows he no longer has to put in effort. It’s making me question if he cares about me as much as he used to and I have a feeling if I never travelled to his city he wouldn’t come to see me. All his friends have said I’m in the wrong and that I should understand since I don’t work that I shouldn’t expect him to drive long distances on barely any sleep but I feel like if he really loved me and wanted to spend time with me then him being tired wouldn’t stop him from putting in the effort. Thoughts on this?

Can't he get a train to you? When I was a student my boyfirend used to visit me when he was working.
Reply 3
hey, i want you to take a breather. dude has to love you though you're not in the wrong (kinda) he does care however working and then driving long distances is somewhat hard for any person including you. how about you talk to him and tell him how you feel and talk it out together face to face not call not text. and you don't know maybe you coming over makes him feel like he is such a special guy and he will see you as someone who cares for him and loves him to go all the way over to him. All I'm saying is put your self in his shoes a little and don't let these awful thoughts get in your head. you seem like a great person.
Original post by Surnia
Original post by Muttley79
Can't he get a train to you? When I was a student my boyfirend used to visit me when he was working.

He refuses he says he doesn’t like trains I’m always the one putting myself out for him it’s getting draining but he can’t see this
Reply 6
I kinda get his situation tbh. He has to wake up early and then finishes at noon. So even though he has the rest of the day off, travelling 3 hrs in total to meet you, which I presume you're gonna spend several hours with each other, will be draining bcs he needs to sleep early to wake up really early for work.
Reply 7
Original post by Eliseb567
He refuses he says he doesn’t like trains I’m always the one putting myself out for him it’s getting draining but he can’t see this

Dump him - he expects you to use them!

Quick Reply