The Student Room Group

Babymum heard me sneeze? Not serious for 7 years

Hi guys I been dating my boyf for 2 years he has 3 kids with one woman. I’ve never met the kids and I realised why he’s never asked me to because the mum is quite bitter towards him (they broke up 8 years ago) he cheated on her and other things happened in the relationship which she stills hold anger towards and takes it out on the children a lot of the time. On the weekend she didn’t let them come over to stay for no reason what’s so ever. My bf and babymum do not speak at all haven’t for years. She refuses to communicate with him so they community through the oldest (11) I sneezed in the background of the sons phonecall which she makes him put it on loudspeaker everytime he speaks to the dad and listens. When I sneezed she told the son to ask who it was then said they aren’t allowed to leave the house and stay over his for the bank holiday weekend. I believe he hasn’t asked me to meet his kids and keeps us very seperate as he probably thinks the babymum will stop him from seeing his kids or make his life hard.

Tbh I’m a young girl and I don’t mind not meeting them until me and him are planning to get married and get to that level of seriousness.

Isit a red flag to keep children seperate to who you’re dating.

Can I get some advice or tips on how to stay in my place and benefit the role of a girlfriend without settling for less?

Everyone tells me I shouldn’t date a man with 3 kids but it doesn’t bother me and cause ME any drama. Yes I have to share some of my time with my bf as he sees his kids but I’d rather that than him be a bad dad.
Also people say once I live with him then I will see the problems it will cause me. His kids are 11,9,8.
I’m not planning to have kids or be married for another 7 years which means all the kids will be an adult or almost an adult ( adult as in 18) so they will be able to travel to their dad on their own and I’m sure the babymum can’t stop the kids from seeing their dad at that age. Also he won’t be giving the babymum £600 a month in which he does ( she doesn’t use it on things they need, she doesn’t work so I believe she’s saving the money for herself or spending it on her car.. because in this economy how can you not work with 3 kids, who pays the rent and bills) the babymum has no friends or people she is close to her mum told my bf the babymum cut off all the people around her , maybe she’s in a depression?


Anyways guys, if you have any stories of something similar let me know💕
Original post by Anonymous
Hi guys I been dating my boyf for 2 years he has 3 kids with one woman. I’ve never met the kids and I realised why he’s never asked me to because the mum is quite bitter towards him (they broke up 8 years ago) he cheated on her and other things happened in the relationship which she stills hold anger towards and takes it out on the children a lot of the time. On the weekend she didn’t let them come over to stay for no reason what’s so ever. My bf and babymum do not speak at all haven’t for years. She refuses to communicate with him so they community through the oldest (11) I sneezed in the background of the sons phonecall which she makes him put it on loudspeaker everytime he speaks to the dad and listens. When I sneezed she told the son to ask who it was then said they aren’t allowed to leave the house and stay over his for the bank holiday weekend. I believe he hasn’t asked me to meet his kids and keeps us very seperate as he probably thinks the babymum will stop him from seeing his kids or make his life hard.
Tbh I’m a young girl and I don’t mind not meeting them until me and him are planning to get married and get to that level of seriousness.
Isit a red flag to keep children seperate to who you’re dating.
Can I get some advice or tips on how to stay in my place and benefit the role of a girlfriend without settling for less?
Everyone tells me I shouldn’t date a man with 3 kids but it doesn’t bother me and cause ME any drama. Yes I have to share some of my time with my bf as he sees his kids but I’d rather that than him be a bad dad.
Also people say once I live with him then I will see the problems it will cause me. His kids are 11,9,8.
I’m not planning to have kids or be married for another 7 years which means all the kids will be an adult or almost an adult ( adult as in 18) so they will be able to travel to their dad on their own and I’m sure the babymum can’t stop the kids from seeing their dad at that age. Also he won’t be giving the babymum £600 a month in which he does ( she doesn’t use it on things they need, she doesn’t work so I believe she’s saving the money for herself or spending it on her car.. because in this economy how can you not work with 3 kids, who pays the rent and bills) the babymum has no friends or people she is close to her mum told my bf the babymum cut off all the people around her , maybe she’s in a depression?
Anyways guys, if you have any stories of something similar let me know💕

The baby mum might make things more difficult for him if she got to know he has another person. Your bf understand more why he made the distance from you and the kids. But once he loves you he will make it up to you as time goes on he will know what to do about that, Just give him time.
Reply 2
Original post by isabellabert358
The baby mum might make things more difficult for him if she got to know he has another person. Your bf understand more why he made the distance from you and the kids. But once he loves you he will make it up to you as time goes on he will know what to do about that, Just give him time.
Honestly I’m not fussed. I prefer it the way it is because I don’t need to take responsibility as I’m not a wife yet. Hope you understand.

I’m just thinking will this cause my life to have drama ? Surely not if I don’t involve myself or conversate with the woman in the future
Reply 3
If there's a formal/legal agreement about seeing the children it will be problematic if it broken. The fact that he is in a serious relationship shouldn't stop him from seeing them, nor should it stop him from introducing them to you and spending time with them; after 2 years, why don't you know the reason from not meeting the children?

Child Maintenance payments may not be stopped in 7 years either: the Government website says "You must have a child maintenance arrangement if your child is under 16 (or under 20 if they are still in full-time education)."

Why do you pick out the fact that the boys can travel to their dad when older, and why should they? He could still want to pick them up and they could still be very involved in each other's lives.
Reply 4
Original post by Surnia
If there's a formal/legal agreement about seeing the children it will be problematic if it broken. The fact that he is in a serious relationship shouldn't stop him from seeing them, nor should it stop him from introducing them to you and spending time with them; after 2 years, why don't you know the reason from not meeting the children?
Child Maintenance payments may not be stopped in 7 years either: the Government website says "You must have a child maintenance arrangement if your child is under 16 (or under 20 if they are still in full-time education)."
Why do you pick out the fact that the boys can travel to their dad when older, and why should they? He could still want to pick them up and they could still be very involved in each other's lives.
No so there’s no legal agreement in place also he isn’t on child maintance he pays her directly.

The last bit you said it’s just one of the things I thought about nothing specific. Because I say to people who judge me for being with a guy with 3 kids that I don’t have drama as I’m not involved and it doesn’t cause me an inconvenience much but some people say it’s because I’m not married to him or live with him where I’d be around the kids but I say that by the time I want to settle down the kids will be older and have a right to things such as the mum can’t stop them from going to their dads on the weekends etc so it wouldn’t cause that much drama in my life. Or am I being naive.

Pls let me know , I appreciate everything you said.

I mean we’ve both said in a passing comment children shouldn’t be involved until marraige as it can confuse kids. I’m happy with that because I’m young right now and having kids around that aren’t mine would cause a huge inconvenience to me so I’m happy he hasn’t pushed for this. What I’m saying is what happened over the weekend has proved to me he probably doesn’t want to jepodise seeing the kids if he’s dating a woman. I mean I go over on the weekends it’s not like we live together. He doesn’t have his kids overnight only on bank holidays in which the bank holiday just passed the woman didn’t allow it.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
No so there’s no legal agreement in place also he isn’t on child maintance he pays her directly.
The last bit you said it’s just one of the things I thought about nothing specific. Because I say to people who judge me for being with a guy with 3 kids that I don’t have drama as I’m not involved and it doesn’t cause me an inconvenience much but some people say it’s because I’m not married to him or live with him where I’d be around the kids but I say that by the time I want to settle down the kids will be older and have a right to things such as the mum can’t stop them from going to their dads on the weekends etc so it wouldn’t cause that much drama in my life. Or am I being naive.
Pls let me know , I appreciate everything you said.
I mean we’ve both said in a passing comment children shouldn’t be involved until marraige as it can confuse kids. I’m happy with that because I’m young right now and having kids around that aren’t mine would cause a huge inconvenience to me so I’m happy he hasn’t pushed for this. What I’m saying is what happened over the weekend has proved to me he probably doesn’t want to jepodise seeing the kids if he’s dating a woman. I mean I go over on the weekends it’s not like we live together. He doesn’t have his kids overnight only on bank holidays in which the bank holiday just passed the woman didn’t allow it.

He does pay child maintenance, even if it's a private arrangement.

You are being naive if you think the children will only want to be around on weekends. What if they want to visit during the week or stay a few days? What if something happened to their mum and they needed care? Are you ready for the drama of exams, dating, driving lessons, sorting finances that come with teens?

I also think it would be unfair on the children at any age for the dad to suddenly go "here's this woman I've been dating for x years and we're getting married." They might not appreciate the fact that they've been shut out of a major part of their dad's life.

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