Older men

Ive gotta tell you this. I was walking through the town square one sunny day. There were 3 girls about your age and one said "nice arse" about me, and then 2 secs later I was totally deflated when the other one said "but he's old" LOL. Grr.

Do not be stupid. "basically paedophilia" lol. Really, my god, what planet do you come from ?

How old were they? They might have thought you were older than you look? How old are you

75

Please don't be rude to other people on my thread. Thanks

Wtf please get off this thread 😂

I totally get this because I feel the same. I find myself being attracted to business professionals and investment bankers with their brief cases and ties. It’s just so attractive to me.
I think the age thing isn’t a problem - it’s more so a power imbalance issue. Ultimately, being 18 means that I am a legal adult, but I still would be hesitant in dating a man in his 30s because of the imbalance in power and the unhealthy dynamic that it can create. Also, one must ask oneself - why is this 35 year old man interested in a freshly turned 18 year old doing her a levels? The more I ponder on that question the more grossed out I get about it.
As I grow older and go to uni and figure myself out, I think I’d be more comfortable in seeking out my particular type irrespective of the age gap. What I’d recommend now though is steering clear of older men.

I totally get this because I feel the same. I find myself being attracted to business professionals and investment bankers with their brief cases and ties. It’s just so attractive to me.
I think the age thing isn’t a problem - it’s more so a power imbalance issue. Ultimately, being 18 means that I am a legal adult, but I still would be hesitant in dating a man in his 30s because of the imbalance in power and the unhealthy dynamic that it can create. Also, one must ask oneself - why is this 35 year old man interested in a freshly turned 18 year old doing her a levels? The more I ponder on that question the more grossed out I get about it.
As I grow older and go to uni and figure myself out, I think I’d be more comfortable in seeking out my particular type irrespective of the age gap. What I’d recommend now though is steering clear of older men.

I totally get this because I feel the same. I find myself being attracted to business professionals and investment bankers with their brief cases and ties. It’s just so attractive to me.
I think the age thing isn’t a problem - it’s more so a power imbalance issue. Ultimately, being 18 means that I am a legal adult, but I still would be hesitant in dating a man in his 30s because of the imbalance in power and the unhealthy dynamic that it can create. Also, one must ask oneself - why is this 35 year old man interested in a freshly turned 18 year old doing her a levels? The more I ponder on that question the more grossed out I get about it.
As I grow older and go to uni and figure myself out, I think I’d be more comfortable in seeking out my particular type irrespective of the age gap. What I’d recommend now though is steering clear of older men.

Yeah I agree with you. I find men who are professionals/ inner city workers very attractive. I think this is because I've started going out a lot more and I see the ways the men carry themselves.
Yes, I agree. I think the impower balance is a big problem because there's a lot of unpredictability regarding the power that the man could have over woman. However, I was thinking that if the woman is self assured and knows what she wants out of life then maybe there would be less opportunity for an imbalance of power.
Yeah that is so true although lost of people say men are naturally attracted to younger women and they might not know we are 18? Another question I've been asking myself is why are some women attracted to older men and others aren't. Is it because we have been grown up in environments where we have had to look after others? (I myself am the oldest out of my 2 siblings). It could also be for cultural reasons as I know some of my Indian friends have been set up in arranged marriages with guys 5+ years older than them.
I also think on social media there's so much backlash against age gaps. Like for example people were wondering why Kiera Walkers boyfriend looked so much older than her on Tiktok but maybe that's just her preference (She is 16)
I do also think that in this modern day there's an increase in the demands and expectations of young people so I think a lot of teenagers probably feel like they are made to grow up faster. I'm going to be studying to be a primary teacher this September but when I thought about it last year it seemed so far fetched and Impossible for a 16 year old. Sorry for the waffle lol. I guess what I'm trying to say is older might not be that bad but as long as its in reasonable perspective

I feel like men are usually attracted to younger women but I think that’s tied to an evolutionary cue that basically equates health and vitality with youthfulness (both of which are key for procreation of course).
I’ve actually tried digging deep into my subconscious mind and my tendencies of being attracted to older men and I don’t really understand it. It’s more of a concept to me - a romanticised version of something I look up to. It’s kind of immature. The well-dressed, eloquent and intelligent man who commands respect by virtue of his mere presence is attractive to me. A slightly feminine composure paired with that is also attractive to me. I suppose pop culture has also fostered this kind of reverence for ‘hot investment banker’ types - e.g Lana Del Rey’s music and her idolisation of such dynamics.
It could also come down to women being inherently hypergamous due to evolutionary factors and historical disadvantages that women have faced, meaning that they would’ve had to actively seek out financially successful men in the upper echelons of society. I’m hesitant in making this point because I feel like it’s slightly misogynistic but I don’t think it can be ruled out.
On another note, my personal interest in the brief case man trope can also be attributed to the fact that I see a part of myself in them. That is, I aspire to be meaningfully successful in the corporate world - not to sell my soul and not to sacrifice my integrity for money but to contribute to the economy in ways that are ethical.

Also has anyone had any experience talking men who are older than them on dating apps? What has your experience been like?

Yes, I had tinder for a period of time last year in December during winter break. I had to delete it shortly after because of pressure from my parents and also because it was very distracting.
I talked to a few men (in their early 20s - at university) and went on one date from it. It was an overall good experience and we got very drunk but it left me feeling quite empty and weird after. I turned 18 like two months prior to it but it still felt weird. I deleted it after that and I haven’t been in the dating scene for MONTHS because of exams. I personally wouldn’t redownload tinder because I’m the type of person to get attached very quick but yeah, that was my experience and it wasn’t necessarily terrible although I did feel slightly powerless especially because I got very drunk. It felt a little weird given that he drank a lot too but seemed more sober in retrospect so idk if the consent was all there. That’s why I probably wouldn’t date casually again. I feel like I need to drink on casual dates with people I don’t know or nerves will get the better of me.

I've been thinking about downloading Tinder in the summer after exams but I'm just worried the men there will either be creeps or just looking for someone easy to sleep with.
I think early to mid 20s is a good place to start because I won't lie there's a part of me would be too scared to jump in the deep end and meet a man in his late 20s/ early 30s. Do you mind me asking, did you guys meet at a restaurant or did you go to his house? I've been told by friends that on the first date its best to meet in a public place.
Oh I also have gotten attached to guys really quickly before. Especially back in secondary school when I used to use Snapchat a lot.
I think he just probably had a lower tolerance to alcohol. Or maybe he pretended to be not as drunk as he was. I suggest pre-drinking about half an hour before you meet then when you meet up just ask for water or soft drinks. That way you would know how much you've had to drink and it would take about an hour or so for the alcohol to kick in properly.

We hadn’t really planned out our ‘date’ but he was at a pub quiz with his friends in central London and managed to delay our meeting up until 11:30pm at night (we had planned on meeting at 9pm maximum so I would have time to catch the latest train home). I was really frustrated and honestly thought he wouldn’t turn up. In retrospect it was so utterly irresponsible meeting some random dude on tinder at 11:30pm for my first date on a dating app EVER. I wasn’t even serious about installation of the app and only did it because I was bored so actually planning out the date was really strange to me. We eventually met up outside the station because he made me wait an hour and then went bar hopping which I think is why I got so drunk - now looking back on this I think it was deliberate as this was most definitely NOT his first date and he had a way with his words (probably a serial dater to be honest).
At this point in the first date story if you’re thinking ‘where the hell were your parents?’ - well I asked my childhood friend to cover for me as we used to have sleepovers all the time.
Our bar hopping continued until 3am and then he suggested that we rent bikes and cycle around London and that’s where I sobered up and said absolutely not because 1) I was super hammered and 2) I had never cycled on actual roads so it would’ve been VERY dangerous. He continued being coercive but I just dismissed it and he eventually acquiesced and we got a bus to his home. I was naively under the impression that I would get an Uber home from his place because it would be more convenient than waiting for an Uber in central London. Also it seemed very unsafe (I disregarded the fact that it’s super dangerous going to some random dudes house anyways). I ended up going to his, he gave me wine (I offered some to him from my cup and he didn’t drink more which makes me think that he was just trying to get me more drunk) and then I slept at his and then left at 11. I’m not going to lie and say that it was all non consensual but the lines were blurred and I felt like I was put at a disadvantage. I blacked out and I don’t quite know what happened afterwards from a certain point up until I woke up and he didn’t seem at all remorseful about it. Now looking back at it I feel like all the evidence points towards him being pretty sobered up.
In any case, I left feeling pretty bad afterwards. He begged to meet up for months afterwards and I kept stringing him on. I strangely felt good about it because I felt like I was asserting dominance but it was all just a waste of time so I blocked him.
All in all I won’t be redownloading tinder or dating apps again. It was a pretty cool experience that could’ve ended badly and was very dangerous. I have regrets about it but I generally try thinking positively about it - it was a new experience and was exciting at the time. I just get too attached when people give me words of affirmation and find it hard to discern whether someone is being genuine or is just trying to sleep with me (mind you, I have only ever dated 3 people so I don’t have the experience required to read between the lines).