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can someone mark my english lit essay

i am in year 10 and just did this essay as a practice. could someone mark it and give me a grade. its on romeo and Juliet. the extract is act 3 scene 1 from line 120 to line 135:
Shakespeare presents ideas about conflict and the effects of conflict on emotions when romeo has killed Tybalt and regrets his decision, which beats down on the idea of a patriarchal mans behaviour. this is best shown after romeo has come back to his senses after acting impulsively and says 'O, i am fortunes fool'. the use of personification highlights how he is helpless and how now after thinking,he laments his actions. it further shows his subversion from being impulsive to rational- where he tries to de-escalate the situation- and going to evil and emotionally controlled, which indicates that he is a weak man who is influenced easily by his surroundings. the noun 'fire' and adjective 'fury' is a reference to biblical imagery and hell. Shakespeare was a religious protestant christian and expresses his views on impulsive actions as those from the likes of hell. the phrase 'fire eyed fury' also connotes to wrath and punishment, further emphasising the effect of impulsive conflict.

Furthermore the effects of conflict and impulsive love/actions is foreshadowed earlier in the play, this is best shown in 'violent delights have violent ends'. this quote foreshadows the downfall of Romeo and Juliet in reference to violence and love. the oxymoron of 'delights' and 'violent' further emphasises the effects of impulsive love and how actions controlled by emotions lead to conflict and unrest. Shakespeare also uses the comparison of 'violent' with another 'violent'. in this context the first 'violent' refers to impulsive love/actions controlled by emotion. the second 'violent' refers to the aftermath of these 'violent delights' which indicates death and destruction. this, again, alludes to religious imagery and also makes the reader question romeos behaviour as it was far from patriarchal. in veronian society, patriarchal men were valiant and unchanged by emotion whereas romeo possesses feminine qualities of being influenced by love. through the use of an oxymoron, foreshadowing and the comparison of impulsive actions to death, Shakespeare presents ideas of conflict and destruction as a result of love.
moreover, Shakespeare also uses structure and form to expose how veronian society relies on patriarchy and expresses how conflict is derived from impulse. from line 5-9, romeo expresses his fury to tybalt and uses long sentences. these expose his vehement attitude and how he is completely under the influence of his own emotions. this also proves his subversion of peace to evil/fury to be dictated by impulse and love as his love for mercutio had forced him to kill tybalt. long sentences also express his discontent with tybalts patriarchal behaviour which could influence him to behave like that. Shakespeare also uses form to express the reasoning behind the conflict. the play is a Shakespearean tragedy meaning both of the protagonists are destined to die. this is used to prove how impulsive love affects patriarchal society as well as sparking conflict. he uses this idea to show that through romeos feminine qualities, he effectively kills patriarchy with impulsive behaviour and his inability to control his emotions. also the play was initially meant to be performed, and when performed would highlight the consequences of impulsivity and femininity towards patriarchy. this can be linked to Freud and id where the impulsive actions are in the part of the brain called the 'id'. this has actions such as survival but is where you are mostly controlled by emotion, therefore through the use of form and structure, Shakespeare has successfully presented ideas of conflict, patriarchy and impulsivity comparing romeos behaviour towards stimuli around him and how he reacted in reference to his emotions.

Reply 1

CurlyNerd

Original post by sammi rehman

i am in year 10 and just did this essay as a practice. could someone mark it and give me a grade. its on romeo and Juliet. the extract is act 3 scene 1 from line 120 to line 135:
Shakespeare presents ideas about conflict and the effects of conflict on emotions when romeo has killed Tybalt and regrets his decision, which beats down on the idea of a patriarchal mans behaviour. this is best shown after romeo has come back to his senses after acting impulsively and says 'O, i am fortunes fool'. the use of personification highlights how he is helpless and how now after thinking,he laments his actions. it further shows his subversion from being impulsive to rational- where he tries to de-escalate the situation- and going to evil and emotionally controlled, which indicates that he is a weak man who is influenced easily by his surroundings. the noun 'fire' and adjective 'fury' is a reference to biblical imagery and hell. Shakespeare was a religious protestant christian and expresses his views on impulsive actions as those from the likes of hell. the phrase 'fire eyed fury' also connotes to wrath and punishment, further emphasising the effect of impulsive conflict.
Furthermore the effects of conflict and impulsive love/actions is foreshadowed earlier in the play, this is best shown in 'violent delights have violent ends'. this quote foreshadows the downfall of Romeo and Juliet in reference to violence and love. the oxymoron of 'delights' and 'violent' further emphasises the effects of impulsive love and how actions controlled by emotions lead to conflict and unrest. Shakespeare also uses the comparison of 'violent' with another 'violent'. in this context the first 'violent' refers to impulsive love/actions controlled by emotion. the second 'violent' refers to the aftermath of these 'violent delights' which indicates death and destruction. this, again, alludes to religious imagery and also makes the reader question romeos behaviour as it was far from patriarchal. in veronian society, patriarchal men were valiant and unchanged by emotion whereas romeo possesses feminine qualities of being influenced by love. through the use of an oxymoron, foreshadowing and the comparison of impulsive actions to death, Shakespeare presents ideas of conflict and destruction as a result of love.
moreover, Shakespeare also uses structure and form to expose how veronian society relies on patriarchy and expresses how conflict is derived from impulse. from line 5-9, romeo expresses his fury to tybalt and uses long sentences. these expose his vehement attitude and how he is completely under the influence of his own emotions. this also proves his subversion of peace to evil/fury to be dictated by impulse and love as his love for mercutio had forced him to kill tybalt. long sentences also express his discontent with tybalts patriarchal behaviour which could influence him to behave like that. Shakespeare also uses form to express the reasoning behind the conflict. the play is a Shakespearean tragedy meaning both of the protagonists are destined to die. this is used to prove how impulsive love affects patriarchal society as well as sparking conflict. he uses this idea to show that through romeos feminine qualities, he effectively kills patriarchy with impulsive behaviour and his inability to control his emotions. also the play was initially meant to be performed, and when performed would highlight the consequences of impulsivity and femininity towards patriarchy. this can be linked to Freud and id where the impulsive actions are in the part of the brain called the 'id'. this has actions such as survival but is where you are mostly controlled by emotion, therefore through the use of form and structure, Shakespeare has successfully presented ideas of conflict, patriarchy and impulsivity comparing romeos behaviour towards stimuli around him and how he reacted in reference to his emotions.