My mum thinks I’m unable to be compassionate

Hi I’m 14, recently I found out one of my family members has a really bad illness, and my mum has been really upset recently. She thinks I don’t know what it is but I do because I overheard her talking to my dad about it. I’m really awkward, and that’s not an excuse, but I hate talking to anyone 1 to 1, I feel so uncomfortable. I definitely should have just asked ‘are you okay?’ But it’s so out of character for me I bet she would have kept saying: oh wow this isn’t like you and things like that, which make me feel worse. This is not an excuse I’m literally the problem. Today she sat down with me and shouted at me for not being compassionate and caring, saying I’m cold and that she didn’t want to birth a child like me. I feel sick. Why couldn’t I literally have just asked ‘are you okay?’ Instead I wanted to escape as fast as possible and walked away. She followed me and kept saying that everything is always about me and how I live in my own dreamland world where I only matter, and that my sister was better than me, at least she would ask how she is, etc. I want to ask these kind of things, but it’s just so unnatural for me and idk why, I wish I was more like my sister. What do I do? She keeps saying: you don’t even know what’s going on and things, when in reality I do. Honestly at the moment I just want to get my exams over and done with and get away. I don’t want to think about anything, which I know, is so selfish. I want to be better but I literally can’t bring myself to.

Reply 1

SedraS

If you find it hard to talk one to one in person, perhaps you could start by writing a letter to your mum explaining all the things like how you do care but just find it difficult to express yourself.