Living together? Is this normal

Ok guys I usually see my bf every weekend but all my family are away for 8 weeks so I’m staying with my bf. It’s been about 3 weeks. He (37) works everyday 6am-5pm goes gym then comes home then sleeps at 10. I (25) don’t work or study so I have a lot of spare time. Anyways when he comes home I know he’s tired etc but he never initiates s e x. I’m starting to think something wrong with him. In the past 5 days we’ve slept together 3 times ,in which one of those times he initiated on the Sunday , but I feel like it should be everyday. I’ve spoke to him bout this multiple times he says if he’s not in the mood he won’t force it ( cus then it’ll take him forever to get erect) I stay awake till 2am watching tv then get into bed but he’s fast asleep turned the other way. I hate sharing a bed with anyone hence why I come to bed late so he goes to work couple hours later.

On the weekend I realised he’s more up for it. But is this normal? Isit the age gap? Is something wrong with him. I’ve gained a lot of weight and feel insecure and him not putting effort to have s e x. I need to loose 25kg but I have PCOS so it’s hard as I’ve become 100kg which is unattractive and bad for my health.

Anyways someone pls help this is scarring me to think is this what married life will be or worse

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

going to be so honest. what do you do all day if you don’t work or study? also why the need for sex everyday? if he doesn’t want it he doesn’t want it end of. if you didn’t want it you’d expect the same. grow up

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

How long have you guys been together? I don’t think it would necessarily be an age gap thing however that would be something you’d have to talk to him about I guess?

I would assume that after a long day at work he’d feel drained and just not what the intimate act of sex until the weekend when he’s less tired and has more time. Since you don’t work or study you have so much time on your hands that you probably look forward to spending time with him as it’s the only thing you have on? I’m not sure but I feel like hulu are both valid. You should definitely sit him down and outright ask him, no answer you already know what to do I guess.

Is it really necessary to want/need sex constantly if you know he can get tired?

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

You're discovering the realities of living with a 37 year old man that is sharing, to some extent, the same eating, drinking and lifestyle habits that have resulted in you getting to 100kgs.

Your weight and the PCOS are signs that you have had sub-optimum eating and drinking habits.
Him taking forever to get erect when he's not in the mood is the canary in the coalmine. It's the early warning signs of heart disease. The number 1 killer in the UK.

In a long term relationship, sex twice to three times a week is relatively good. If the quality is good for both people.
Sex is the joint most pleasurable thing that we do as adults. However it is fine if it's in the context of loads of other stuff going on in your life.

Sex every day is likely to happen during the initial stages of a relationship with an 18 year old lad. In a long term living together relationship with a 37 year old, it's a different kettle of fish.

What should be scaring you is the prospect of an expected 15 years shorter life-span due to eating and drinking habits. For you and your boyfriend.

Read How Not To Die, How Not to Diet and How Not To Age (from your local library) for an introduction to nutrition.
And then it's up to you what changes you make to your eating and drinking habits. Your body, your life, your choice.

Reply 4

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

Alright, a few things. First, there is nothing wrong at all with the frequency that you're having sex. The majority of those in long term relationships at your boyfriend's age have sex less than that. For those couples around about once a week is decent enough, though that's often with children which obviously makes sex more difficult. But that aside, there is no issue with the frequency. Obviously you have a higher sex drive than him, which is fine and something you can talk about. But it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with him. From a sex drive perspective, there doesn't seem to be.

If you want him to have sex more, I think the obvious thing to do is to fall in line with his routine. You say when you get into bed he's fast asleep turned the other way. Well, yeah. What do you expect? He is fast asleep, and needs to be up in a few hours. As much as being woken up for sex can be a thrill, it needs to be at the right time, and the middle of the night when you need sleep in order to get up to work is not the right time. You say that you don't like sleeping in the same bed as other people, but that is legitimately a pretty awkward thing to do when you're going to bed several hours after him. This would all be so much better if you went to bed and got up when he did, or perhaps stayed in bed for an hour or so if you want a bit more sleep. It would give you a better routine, it would allow you to interact more with him, and for my money it would make it significantly more likely that he'd be up for sex when you go to bed at the same time. I would also hope that it would help you with your anxiety around sleeping together in the same bed if you go to bed together, either have sex or at least spend time talking, cuddling, reading etc, and then go to sleep together.

You obviously need to address your lifestyle and lose weight. You know that. But routine, particularly going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, has a huge impact on that alone. I also expect it will have a good impact on your relationship in terms of sex and other things too, so that is the obvious first thing I would try to do.

Reply 5

Zarek

Sex drive mismatch rears its head in many long term relationships. There not much to be done other than reach a compromise that can work for both of you. To be honest three times a week doesn’t seem too bad, although differences in enthusiasm level can also lead to discontent