wow.. this is my love life??
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months, and I know we just started dating, but we used to tell each other it felt like years. We are so close, really close, doing everything just like other couples do.
Then one day, I asked her if she really loved me. She said, "Oh, I like you a lot, but love is a big word." What is this? What were the "I love u" that you always told me for? Why is this happening?
I asked her what should I do now, she said “ just keep doing the things you always do, keep it that way, maybe like a year or more and I’ll be able to LOVE you..? “ oh gosh what is this? I got crushed inside …
I gave everything for her, put in a lot of effort, and this is what I got? She treated me so badly, but I lowered myself, tried to fix the relationship, and communicated with her. In the end, I just noticed that she wasn’t really paying attention to anything I said, no efforts…. Wow great love this.. I hate my self … ****
What should I do next? Idk what to do .. I’m lost, I’m stucking here..
Then one day, I asked her if she really loved me. She said, "Oh, I like you a lot, but love is a big word." What is this? What were the "I love u" that you always told me for? Why is this happening?
I asked her what should I do now, she said “ just keep doing the things you always do, keep it that way, maybe like a year or more and I’ll be able to LOVE you..? “ oh gosh what is this? I got crushed inside …
I gave everything for her, put in a lot of effort, and this is what I got? She treated me so badly, but I lowered myself, tried to fix the relationship, and communicated with her. In the end, I just noticed that she wasn’t really paying attention to anything I said, no efforts…. Wow great love this.. I hate my self … ****
What should I do next? Idk what to do .. I’m lost, I’m stucking here..
Honestly man, relationships can come and go. I personally had the same issue with you with my first girlfriend. Dated for a year or slightly more, and she refused to say I love you, even telling me 'Don't do that' the first time I told her I did. In the end, we decided we were not right for each other, and we broke up. I am now in a happy relationship where we both constantly say 'I love you' to each other. What I'm trying to say is this: don't beat yourself up because of what your girlfriend-now-ex did or said. What's done is done. You have to be aware that people have different styles of attachment and loving. You'll eventually find someone who has the same one as you, but for now I can heavily advise towards looking and loving yourself first, then if you decide later on to get back to dating, explicitly state early on how you feel. Tell your partner that you say it early, and that you'd want the feeling to be reciprocated. What you have to remember is that your partner has every right to say they're not like that, or say that they are.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months, and I know we just started dating, but we used to tell each other it felt like years. We are so close, really close, doing everything just like other couples do.
Then one day, I asked her if she really loved me. She said, "Oh, I like you a lot, but love is a big word." What is this? What were the "I love u" that you always told me for? Why is this happening?
I asked her what should I do now, she said “ just keep doing the things you always do, keep it that way, maybe like a year or more and I’ll be able to LOVE you..? “ oh gosh what is this? I got crushed inside …
I gave everything for her, put in a lot of effort, and this is what I got? She treated me so badly, but I lowered myself, tried to fix the relationship, and communicated with her. In the end, I just noticed that she wasn’t really paying attention to anything I said, no efforts…. Wow great love this.. I hate my self … ****
What should I do next? Idk what to do .. I’m lost, I’m stucking here..
Then one day, I asked her if she really loved me. She said, "Oh, I like you a lot, but love is a big word." What is this? What were the "I love u" that you always told me for? Why is this happening?
I asked her what should I do now, she said “ just keep doing the things you always do, keep it that way, maybe like a year or more and I’ll be able to LOVE you..? “ oh gosh what is this? I got crushed inside …
I gave everything for her, put in a lot of effort, and this is what I got? She treated me so badly, but I lowered myself, tried to fix the relationship, and communicated with her. In the end, I just noticed that she wasn’t really paying attention to anything I said, no efforts…. Wow great love this.. I hate my self … ****
What should I do next? Idk what to do .. I’m lost, I’m stucking here..
Don't feel too bad about it. These things take time. While the way she said it probably wasn't that great, I still believe it'll work out allowing for time.
"I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months, and I know we just started dating, but we used to tell each other it felt like years. We are so close, really close, doing everything just like other couples do."
First, if you've just started dating why do you call her your girlfriend? You're still getting to know each other, and that's why you'll have unexpected things said and done, for better or worse. Second, no, other couples don't do everything together; they have their own friends and interests and aren't co-dependent.
It sounds like you've got a romanticised vision of what a relationship is; people aren't going to live up to those expectations so don't rush into girlfriend/boyfriend, love, blah until things are on a proper foundation.
First, if you've just started dating why do you call her your girlfriend? You're still getting to know each other, and that's why you'll have unexpected things said and done, for better or worse. Second, no, other couples don't do everything together; they have their own friends and interests and aren't co-dependent.
It sounds like you've got a romanticised vision of what a relationship is; people aren't going to live up to those expectations so don't rush into girlfriend/boyfriend, love, blah until things are on a proper foundation.
Original post by Surnia
"I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months, and I know we just started dating, but we used to tell each other it felt like years. We are so close, really close, doing everything just like other couples do."
First, if you've just started dating why do you call her your girlfriend? You're still getting to know each other, and that's why you'll have unexpected things said and done, for better or worse. Second, no, other couples don't do everything together; they have their own friends and interests and aren't co-dependent.
It sounds like you've got a romanticised vision of what a relationship is; people aren't going to live up to those expectations so don't rush into girlfriend/boyfriend, love, blah until things are on a proper foundation.
First, if you've just started dating why do you call her your girlfriend? You're still getting to know each other, and that's why you'll have unexpected things said and done, for better or worse. Second, no, other couples don't do everything together; they have their own friends and interests and aren't co-dependent.
It sounds like you've got a romanticised vision of what a relationship is; people aren't going to live up to those expectations so don't rush into girlfriend/boyfriend, love, blah until things are on a proper foundation.
Aren't you meant to call the person you're going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner if you say you're dating them?
Personally, I would say I'm almost, almost, inclined to agree with her. It's only been 3 months, and you can't really judge if you love someone that fast. Love takes a lot of time, it's not like movies where you see each other and you're instantly soulmates. And if she's treating you that badly and you're unhappy, is it really love? I think you need to step back and see the bigger picture. It's been 3 months and you said you had to 'lower yourself' for her, so in my opinion, that's not love. Maybe, if you're really unhappy, a breakup might be what's coming. You will obviously eventually find someone who loves you, but maybe it's not her
I love you is often said long before it’s long enough to know if it’s true, in the heady early days of romance. And there’s always a risk with being the first to say it. Quite likely she has a different philosophy on how long to wait. Just stay cool, revert to how you were, and hopefully in due course she’ll be ready to say it
Original post by Anonymous
Personally, I would say I'm almost, almost, inclined to agree with her. It's only been 3 months, and you can't really judge if you love someone that fast. Love takes a lot of time, it's not like movies where you see each other and you're instantly soulmates. And if she's treating you that badly and you're unhappy, is it really love? I think you need to step back and see the bigger picture. It's been 3 months and you said you had to 'lower yourself' for her, so in my opinion, that's not love. Maybe, if you're really unhappy, a breakup might be what's coming. You will obviously eventually find someone who loves you, but maybe it's not her
She shouldve told me how she actually feel about the relationship in the beginning.. but she somehow decided to play a little game and told me that after 3 months tgt.. yk all my efforts and everything I gave her are for nth… im dead inside
To be blunt you’re being a bit overdramatic.
There’s a big difference between saying that you love one another in and outside of a relationship.
She’s been very clear that she just wants you to continue and then she can see where her feelings lay.
You’re official. You enjoy each others company. Don’t get hung up over swapping platitudes. Concentrate on actions and behaviour.
There’s a big difference between saying that you love one another in and outside of a relationship.
She’s been very clear that she just wants you to continue and then she can see where her feelings lay.
You’re official. You enjoy each others company. Don’t get hung up over swapping platitudes. Concentrate on actions and behaviour.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months, and I know we just started dating, but we used to tell each other it felt like years. We are so close, really close, doing everything just like other couples do.
Then one day, I asked her if she really loved me. She said, "Oh, I like you a lot, but love is a big word." What is this? What were the "I love u" that you always told me for? Why is this happening?
I asked her what should I do now, she said “ just keep doing the things you always do, keep it that way, maybe like a year or more and I’ll be able to LOVE you..? “ oh gosh what is this? I got crushed inside …
I gave everything for her, put in a lot of effort, and this is what I got? She treated me so badly, but I lowered myself, tried to fix the relationship, and communicated with her. In the end, I just noticed that she wasn’t really paying attention to anything I said, no efforts…. Wow great love this.. I hate my self … ****
What should I do next? Idk what to do .. I’m lost, I’m stucking here..
Then one day, I asked her if she really loved me. She said, "Oh, I like you a lot, but love is a big word." What is this? What were the "I love u" that you always told me for? Why is this happening?
I asked her what should I do now, she said “ just keep doing the things you always do, keep it that way, maybe like a year or more and I’ll be able to LOVE you..? “ oh gosh what is this? I got crushed inside …
I gave everything for her, put in a lot of effort, and this is what I got? She treated me so badly, but I lowered myself, tried to fix the relationship, and communicated with her. In the end, I just noticed that she wasn’t really paying attention to anything I said, no efforts…. Wow great love this.. I hate my self … ****
What should I do next? Idk what to do .. I’m lost, I’m stucking here..
From what you are saying, I would say she may have been badly let down in the past and she wants to learn to TRUST again, BEFORE she commits her heart. I have known girls who have been abused in past and have hard time trusting ,and so who knows reason but I think that may be why, past let's downs etc has made her very wary of putting herself 100% into you immediately. You should keep doing things the way you have been , keep doing it, win her trust by always doing right things so tshe will then think "her..I can actually trust this guy.."
Original post by Anonymous
From what you are saying, I would say she may have been badly let down in the past and she wants to learn to TRUST again, BEFORE she commits her heart. I have known girls who have been abused in past and have hard time trusting ,and so who knows reason but I think that may be why, past let's downs etc has made her very wary of putting herself 100% into you immediately. You should keep doing things the way you have been , keep doing it, win her trust by always doing right things so tshe will then think "her..I can actually trust this guy.."
Mhmm I’ll take your word for it!! This changed my perception .. ty matey
ADDITION: In short keep a cool head, keep doing things right, love her, look after her,treat her well, if love is meant to be she will at some point see you are someone she can trust and fall in love with.You know, you cannot control Love. If it is to be, she will fall "in love" whether she wants to or not, but you need to play cool game, not try and force/coerce her to "love" you. It will come if you play it cool.
Original post by Anonymous
ADDITION: In short keep a cool head, keep doing things right, love her, look after her,treat her well, if love is meant to be she will at some point see you are someone she can trust and fall in love with.You know, you cannot control Love. If it is to be, she will fall "in love" whether she wants to or not, but you need to play cool game, not try and force/coerce her to "love" you. It will come if you play it cool.
Right… but how about that she has been treated me so badly.. should I still tryna play it cool? 😢 she said she done with pleasing ppl..
Original post by Anonymous
Mhmm I’ll take your word for it!! This changed my perception .. ty matey
Play it all cool as I say ,treat her well, and if it works and you are together in 6 months or so let us all know !!
Original post by Anonymous
She shouldve told me how she actually feel about the relationship in the beginning.. but she somehow decided to play a little game and told me that after 3 months tgt.. yk all my efforts and everything I gave her are for nth… im dead inside
I understand where you are coming from, but people are allowed to change their views, She is not obligated to do or say anything. Your "efforts" if they were out of true love would not be conditional. You might need to revaluate how YOU really feel about her because it sound like Attachment more than real love. "yk all my efforts and everything I gave her are for nth" Of-course it is frustrating, but you and your partner need to grow together, and if you truly love someone no effort is for nothing. Also people have different views on love and 3 months is basically nothing if you look at the time that people who are in love usually spend together. Not to mention, people are incredibly flawed and it's up to you what bs you will put up with and what you won't. Your girlfriend isn't perfect and if you really don't like it it's up to you to set bounderies and break it off. Also remeber that you aren't really entilted to anything! No one HAS to do anything for you in a relationship. You set bounderies and if they don't want to follow them (This doesn't make them inherently bad) they can either leave or you adjust to them. If you respect my bounderies I will keep you around, if you don't I won't.
Original post by Anonymous
Right… but how about that she has been treated me so badly.. should I still tryna play it cool? 😢 she said she done with pleasing ppl..
Treat her how you want to be treated, and if she treats you badly. Communicate, explain what she can do better and if she wants to she will and if she doesn't then don't date her. Also, just because you two have different Ideas of love doesn't make one inherently better or worse, just different and incompatible
Original post by Surnia
"I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months, and I know we just started dating, but we used to tell each other it felt like years. We are so close, really close, doing everything just like other couples do."
First, if you've just started dating why do you call her your girlfriend? You're still getting to know each other, and that's why you'll have unexpected things said and done, for better or worse. Second, no, other couples don't do everything together; they have their own friends and interests and aren't co-dependent.
It sounds like you've got a romanticised vision of what a relationship is; people aren't going to live up to those expectations so don't rush into girlfriend/boyfriend, love, blah until things are on a proper foundation.
First, if you've just started dating why do you call her your girlfriend? You're still getting to know each other, and that's why you'll have unexpected things said and done, for better or worse. Second, no, other couples don't do everything together; they have their own friends and interests and aren't co-dependent.
It sounds like you've got a romanticised vision of what a relationship is; people aren't going to live up to those expectations so don't rush into girlfriend/boyfriend, love, blah until things are on a proper foundation.
i am genuinely asking
It's only been three months. Of course she doesn't love you yet - honestly it would be a red flag if she said she did! It takes a long time to properly fall in love with someone. The infatuation you feel in the early stages of a relationship isn't the same thing as love.
Saying she doesn't love you yet isn't "treating you badly". It's honesty and she's being level-headed and realistic. Don't take it personally or throw away your relationship over it.
Saying she doesn't love you yet isn't "treating you badly". It's honesty and she's being level-headed and realistic. Don't take it personally or throw away your relationship over it.
(edited 5 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Right… but how about that she has been treated me so badly.. should I still tryna play it cool? 😢 she said she done with pleasing ppl..
No, no, no, no; no!
What you should be doing is that you should be aiming to behave in the way that's likely to be most attractive to her.
Whilst perpetually deciding whether YOU want to spend more time with her or not. As long as you want to spend more time with her, you should try to behave as attractively as possible.
When you decide that you should leave her, you should dump her, in a diplomatic way and move on with your life.
When unsure what to do, in order to be attractive, think to yourself "What's the more emotionally and mentally strong route?" And then take that strong route.
What's emotionally stronger, for you to play the "tough guy" now by being cool to her, or for you to act as if what she said hasn't affected you nor your good mood at all?
If you were to play it cool, she's too likely to see that as you being butt hurt and lacking the strength / maturity to handle what she said.
By being unaffected, it gives the impression to her that you'll be able to cope with negative comments from other people, such as clients, bosses too.
You should avoid asking girlfriends if they love you. Because that comes over as insecure and needy.
Better to not ask it.
Better to say things like "Aww. That's so sweet / kind / caring" when she says or does something nice to you.
Words are cheap when it comes to love. They mean almost nothing. Actions and her behaviour and her attitude means far more.
It's better to be with a woman that says she doesn't love you, and may even think that in her own head. And who - as an ongoing thing - treats you right inside and outside the bedroom.
Than to be with a woman that keeps saying how much she loves you, whilst disrespecting you.
Or one that falls deeply in love with and says so, and then has a Reticular Activation Flip and starts resenting you overnight.
And there's semantics.
Her definition of love may be so narrow that it involves frequent butterflies in the stomach feelings.
If she's having exclusive sex with you, then by my definition, she loves you enough for it to be worth you sticking with her.
Don't ask her what you should do now. She doesn't want to be your mother. She wants you to be a good leader. A good leaser. In that you lead yourself. And tolerate her faults. With you supporting and encouraging her, but not getting controlling.
You seem to be taking the relationship too seriously and in a too heavy way.
Love - at its' best - is light and fun and includes shared adventures and mini-adventures.
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