Dreading my 2nd year uni living situation

So I initially signed to live in a group of 8 in second year, but the group kicked me and my friend out because my friend was being problematic and they didn't want to live with her. She and I signed for a two-bedroom house because we were running out of time to find a house and we didn't have many other options at that point.

Over the last 3 or 4 months, I've started to understand why the initial group didn't want to live with this person in the first place. She is *****y, gossips about people, causes drama, and treats her friends poorly. I'm sad that I didn't realise this earlier and was forced into the position of signing for a house with her. She ditched me for a boyfriend and barely makes an effort to ask me how I am anymore, mostly only speaking to me when she has a problem. She always tries to one-up me in the sense of putting a dampener on me when I'm in a good mood; for example, if I've been out with another group, she'd say 'Oh, I'd hate going there', or if I've started a new activity that I enjoy, she'd say 'I wouldn't like that, it's boring'. She always draws the conversation back to herself.

She and I joined a new friend group after the previous group kicked her out. I love them and I think they're great people. However, they've noticed the difficult parts of her personality, particularly her tendency to gossip, and don't want to see her anymore. She has no idea. I'm still friends with them and they've said I'm welcome to come to their house whenever and go out with them in second year. I'm happy about that.

The tricky thing is the living situation with this girl next year. I really can't see myself being happy living with her, particularly because it's just me and her. I just don't have any other options.

I'm thinking of giving her a call over the summer to speak about her behaviour, in the hope that she'll reflect upon it and behave better in second year. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?

Reply 1

Rachel_ysj

Original post by Anonymous

So I initially signed to live in a group of 8 in second year, but the group kicked me and my friend out because my friend was being problematic and they didn't want to live with her. She and I signed for a two-bedroom house because we were running out of time to find a house and we didn't have many other options at that point.
Over the last 3 or 4 months, I've started to understand why the initial group didn't want to live with this person in the first place. She is *****y, gossips about people, causes drama, and treats her friends poorly. I'm sad that I didn't realise this earlier and was forced into the position of signing for a house with her. She ditched me for a boyfriend and barely makes an effort to ask me how I am anymore, mostly only speaking to me when she has a problem. She always tries to one-up me in the sense of putting a dampener on me when I'm in a good mood; for example, if I've been out with another group, she'd say 'Oh, I'd hate going there', or if I've started a new activity that I enjoy, she'd say 'I wouldn't like that, it's boring'. She always draws the conversation back to herself.
She and I joined a new friend group after the previous group kicked her out. I love them and I think they're great people. However, they've noticed the difficult parts of her personality, particularly her tendency to gossip, and don't want to see her anymore. She has no idea. I'm still friends with them and they've said I'm welcome to come to their house whenever and go out with them in second year. I'm happy about that.
The tricky thing is the living situation with this girl next year. I really can't see myself being happy living with her, particularly because it's just me and her. I just don't have any other options.
I'm thinking of giving her a call over the summer to speak about her behaviour, in the hope that she'll reflect upon it and behave better in second year. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?

Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're in a difficult situation with your accommodation next year, I understand the predicament you're in currently. I think that it is definitely important for you to find hobbies and activities that you enjoy outside of the house to ensure you get time to yourself where you can relax from the possible uncomfort at home. It is also great that your friends are so willing to have you visit them whenever you need as this will be helpful if you ever need a break from this person and to spend time with people who you a comfortable with.

I guess a conversation with this person could potentially reduce the likelihood of experiencing issues next year, although the way you approach this would definitely influence how your experience is when moving in. Maybe if they exhibited any of this behaviour which you mentioned could be a good introduction to the conversation as it would seem less confrontational, but it is also important that you speak about their behaviour in a way which is friendly and not one where they feel attacked, although this is a difficult thing to achieve. Hopefully, you approach the situation in a way which you feel is right at the time and this works out for you, however, be prepared for the consequences and unfortunately this may mean either dealing with their behaviour in silence or an uncomfortable living situation post-confrontation.

Wishing you the best of luck with the rest of your studies and hopefully whatever you decide to do is mindful of their feelings but also of your own.

Rachel- York St John Student Rep