Friendship exclusion

I was hanging out with my friends the other day and they were talking about memories they all had from last week. I didn't know what that gathering from last week was and I realised I had no clue what they were talking about because they had met up without me. I felt left out and I went silent for the rest of the day, quiet because it was too much pain to realise they had made plans without me and made fun memories that I was included in and they didn't even bother to tell me about it earlier. I wanted to ask what I should do in other situations like this? Should I have just asked them to tell me about it then so I wouldn't feel left out and I could maybe join in on laughing at the memories they made? Or was it right to just stay quiet? Should I have just left? I hope nothing like this happens again but if it does, I don't want to feel quiet and alone again. What do I do socially in these situations to rise above the fact that my friends left me out?

Reply 1

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

Should have discussed it with them at the time and you should still do so now, but gently, as there may have been a genuine reason you weren't invited.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

Should have discussed it with them at the time and you should still do so now, but gently, as there may have been a genuine reason you weren't invited.

but even so, if i wasn't invited shouldn't they have still let me know that they had met up instead of keeping it secret. and if they wanted to keep it secret, shouldn't they have not discussed it in front of me like that

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Honestly from the sounds of it, they don’t seem that great. I don’t know what the dynamic is like but the fact that you were with them and they didn’t consider you may be hurt by this discussion is just straight up rude.

I think you definitely should address it and maybe with one who went to the hang out, maybe one that you feel close(er) to. It allows for you to get a straight answer and for them not be phased by the reaction of others. Summer is coming up so I would recommend addressing it before, because it allows you to either make amends or potentially distance yourself from them and find better friends.

Again, I don’t know the entire situation but I have been in similar positions and generally, getting out of that friendship helps you find people you are welcomed and comfortable in.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Honestly from the sounds of it, they don’t seem that great. I don’t know what the dynamic is like but the fact that you were with them and they didn’t consider you may be hurt by this discussion is just straight up rude.
I think you definitely should address it and maybe with one who went to the hang out, maybe one that you feel close(er) to. It allows for you to get a straight answer and for them not be phased by the reaction of others. Summer is coming up so I would recommend addressing it before, because it allows you to either make amends or potentially distance yourself from them and find better friends.
Again, I don’t know the entire situation but I have been in similar positions and generally, getting out of that friendship helps you find people you are welcomed and comfortable in.

that's great advice thank you! i do want to chat but idk if it will make me look like i'm being clingy or overexaggerating :/, but it's better to get it sorted than have a burdening feeling i guess

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

You shouldn’t have to worry about being clingy - you simply want to clear up a potential misunderstanding and just understand what the situation is. You deserve transparency, and whatever the outcome things do work out with communication.