Struggling massively with chat up lines on girls

Can someone give me some advice on what to say to a girl who is a stranger who looks open to conversation. I think I am OK looking as I get compliments and girls look at me and show interest a bit but tbh I am terrible at hitting on them. Like I go to a cafe where people take their laptops to work and every now and then a girl looks at me in a friendly way but I never know what to say. I've seen other guys at the same cafe just go up to girls and get them laughing and talking, how do they do this? I tried it once, it sounds terrible but I said do you come here often and she basically made an excuse and left and then ignored me when I saw her a few days later. I think I creeped her out, and generally creep girls out, it's awful.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 1

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

Yes, I expect you did creep her out, because your problem is that you think chat up lines work. They don't. What you need to do is focus on starting conversations naturally. If you're forcing conversation with the intent of hitting on someone, as you did in the example you gave, it's really obvious and will almost always result in exactly what happened to you. But if you start a conversation naturally and it keeps going, it should be pretty obvious to you whether there's an opportunity to ask about taking it further.

So instead of a pre loaded line, you need to start conversations based on something that is more natural. It can be anything really. Something in the environment. Something related to what you're both doing, or she is doing. This isn't about memorising lines. It's actually about being able to start conversations. As it happens, it's how I started talking to the girl who is now my wife. We were queuing for food in halls at university and they had a really convoluted pricing system. I turned to her and just said off hand "looks like I'm going to need to bring a calculator with me at meal times" and she responded with "yeah I'm kind of regretting not taking Maths A-Level". At that was it. We started talking. We sat on the same table. And it went from there.

There are two things to remember with this. The first is that plenty of women, and people generally, don't have time for you or a conversation with you, nor do they want to be randomly hit on when they're going about their daily lives. And that's fine. Acknowledge it and if the conversation doesn't flow, move on. Second, you can and should practise this every time you can, with men and women whether you're attracted to them or not. I'm somewhat lucky in that this is just something I've always done. I talk to people. And me being attracted to them is absolutely not a pre requisite. My wife was and is absolutely gorgeous, but I didn't start a conversation with her to hit on her. I did it because I start conversations. This is something you can just get better at if you practise it, both in terms of what you say and your judgement as to when to say things.

When you do get better at this, it will then better equip you to start conversations with specific people, but you always need to approach it as starting conversations and not hitting on someone. Because as I say, the latter gets you the sort of reaction you've already experienced.

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

Sort out the foundation of what's going on in your brain and you'll do a lot better socially.

Right now you're taking it all so seriously. Thinking about it too much. Being too dependent on the outcome. Being too perfectionist.

Instead take you and your life a lot less seriously than you have been doing.
If you approach in a terrible way or get a bad reaction; that's another amusing anecdote to add to your collection.

Women tend to be very good at picking up on what's going on under the skin. And they tend to react automatically to it.

There's some good videos on approaching on the following youtube channels:
Sergio Sorokin
Dan Bacon
Madison Social Influence

Another guy, or another version of you could have you used the same line on the same girl and gotten completely different results. For example stressing the word "come" for humourous silly effect, whilst saying it with a smirk and a roll of your eyes, with a suitable follow up line delivered in the right kind of way that depended on her response. All with the underlying frame that you're just mucking about and having fun and seeing how things go.

Little pre-openers are useful. To get her attention. Eg "Hey!". And you then say or do something to keep her attention for a few seconds more and then take things from there.

Reply 3

NeoIan

Another idea for you is this, how would you talk to a guy ? Just talk to girls as people and not someone to hit on. I talk to both girls and guys and i talk to find out about them and see how their day is with no intention of anything else. Thats where to start with no plan for anything else basically.
Ladies and men are basically the same, and no all the girls are looking to talk to couple up so they might just want to have a light conversation. If you get too intense it will freak them out same way it would freak me out as a guy. ? think about that.

Reply 4

Old Skool Freak

Original post by Scrax

As the others have said, in order to do this, you need to have a good vibe and social / conversational skills in general. If you don't have these, then basically you're trying to run before you can walk... so I would suggest you work on these foundations first.

When I was training myself to improve my convo skills, something I did was to make pleasant chit-chat to checkout girls when doing the weekly shop. I consider this to be a good training ground because:-

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1) The interaction will be very short; no more than a couple of minutes, so there's little chance of an uncomfortable silence generating

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2) Most Customer Service managers want their staff to be friendly with the customers... so it's almost a guarantee she won't be rude back to you

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3) The nature of the surrounding environment should make it obvious you're not "chatting her up", so removes the pressure / awkwardness etc.

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4) Most people use the self-service lanes... and the only people who normally chat are the elderly... so a young eligible lad will make a nice change.

If you do, just keep the conversation generic (i.e. don't ask any personal questions), use the surroundings as a conversation topic (e.g. the weather, is it very busy / quiet, how's the shift going etc.). Once finished, say it was nice talking to her and wish her well. Once you get used to that, start putting in a cheeky compliment (not too flirty though). For example, I might say something like "Only you can make that uniform look good", and give a chuckle or a wink or something. Once you get comfortable / confident in doing that, you'll realise you can chat to people in any environment.

Another thing I do if I'm going to chat to someone, is that I do it without any expectations. Whenever I approach someone with the mindset "She looks interesting, let's find out her story". If you let go of the whole pulling / seduction thing, you'll come across more natural and less like a horny teenager. Obviously when it looks like she's interested then you adapt your vibe accordingly.

Oh, and forget any of those cheesy chat-up lines; I've yet to meet anyone who's successfully pulled using that approach. The only opener I use is a smile and a simple, "Hey, how's it going?" She'll probably know or suspect you're interested, so if she's not interested she'll mention a boyfriend in some way pretty early on in the conversation.

Reply 5

233w341

bro don’t use lines what on earth r u doing, just be chill and funny, i understand this is TSR so charisma is rare here, but talk to her normally and not autistically, sprinkle in a bit of flirting and she’s either into you or not.