bf not replying
so basically me and my bf have been together for 6 months now, and we had great communication. we are long distance so our relationship normally is quite literally based on communication via text/ calls/ ft's majority of the time.
Our communication was great just until recently. He has a 9-5 job and has been having issues at home, which has been limiting how much he talks to me. I understand that all those personal things are important and I really do not mind if he doesn't text me as much. He usually did balance his personal things and communicating with me really well, up until recently. Over last month he hasn't made a single call. I have explicitly hinted that fact i want him to call me many times, but he hasnt, so we were mainly talking via text.
Issue is the past few days, he hasn't been texting at all as well. He would text once or twice in the morning before going ghost for the whole day. I do worry at him as he has issues at home and I do kind of get upset that he doesn't really communicate with me all that well, but I suppose he has problems, so I'm being understanding. He left me on delivered 2 days ago for 8+ hrs, without a text to let me know he would be giving slow replies, so I'm just there stressing over if he is alright. We did have a bit of an argument after in the early mornings of the day.
We spoke at it today in the morning and he was sorry that he doesn't call or text as much anymore, but all i want is him to let me know and give me a heads up if he wont reply to me for a while, rather than leaving me in the unknown.
As of now, I'm left on delivered again without a single text to let me know that he will be busy. It's been 9hrs. I'm not sure what to do. Do I wait patiently? It's really hard to wait
Our communication was great just until recently. He has a 9-5 job and has been having issues at home, which has been limiting how much he talks to me. I understand that all those personal things are important and I really do not mind if he doesn't text me as much. He usually did balance his personal things and communicating with me really well, up until recently. Over last month he hasn't made a single call. I have explicitly hinted that fact i want him to call me many times, but he hasnt, so we were mainly talking via text.
Issue is the past few days, he hasn't been texting at all as well. He would text once or twice in the morning before going ghost for the whole day. I do worry at him as he has issues at home and I do kind of get upset that he doesn't really communicate with me all that well, but I suppose he has problems, so I'm being understanding. He left me on delivered 2 days ago for 8+ hrs, without a text to let me know he would be giving slow replies, so I'm just there stressing over if he is alright. We did have a bit of an argument after in the early mornings of the day.
We spoke at it today in the morning and he was sorry that he doesn't call or text as much anymore, but all i want is him to let me know and give me a heads up if he wont reply to me for a while, rather than leaving me in the unknown.
As of now, I'm left on delivered again without a single text to let me know that he will be busy. It's been 9hrs. I'm not sure what to do. Do I wait patiently? It's really hard to wait
I think part of the problem is that you’ve normalised these quick responses. Having no contact with your partner for 8-9hrs shouldn’t cause anxiety even if they’ve not specifically told you that they won’t be able to reply.
Have you tried just having a scheduled call?
Have you tried just having a scheduled call?
Reply 2
We had a bit of an argument last night. He said he wanted to call and tell me exactly what is going on today, and I said of course. But he didn't call
Reply 3
Another thing is, he follows a lot of his old female friends from college. I wasn't not too upset at that, they are probably old friends. A few months ago, he made a new Instagram as he didn't want to me to overthink or cause his old friends to start questioning why they were blocked. I told him that was not necessary but he insisted.
However the first time I was left on delivered a few hours, I did panic a little. Realised he still had the girl he was talking to added. I trust him, but I dont know, following someone you liked and spoke to whilst in a relationship seems wrong.
I spoke to him abt this and how i felt and he didnt really say or explain anything that well, apart from saying he will unadd her off of it.
I usually don't overthink, but now that I am left on delivered again, I am starting to have a really bad gut feeling.
However the first time I was left on delivered a few hours, I did panic a little. Realised he still had the girl he was talking to added. I trust him, but I dont know, following someone you liked and spoke to whilst in a relationship seems wrong.
I spoke to him abt this and how i felt and he didnt really say or explain anything that well, apart from saying he will unadd her off of it.
I usually don't overthink, but now that I am left on delivered again, I am starting to have a really bad gut feeling.
Hi Anonymous, boys think differently to girls firstly, so you cant tell what hes thinking really. I wouldnt get too attatched if hes being that heartless, I would give him some space and let him chase you perhaps ? spend some time with your freinds, or chatting with nice people who care about you and forget about him for a week perhaps, that way he will need to do the work to repair things ?
Reply 5
I was in a long distance relationship for 18 months. Here's some things I learned:
I also understand having a partner with a poor home life. My gf did, and was often intimidated and worried about her parents' reaction to us dating. So, she felt uncomfortable video/voice calling if her parents were in the house. That really hurt. One day we were playing a game and her mom came home without her knowing and asked "Who were you talking to?" She replied, "No one." That hurt me a lot. We were a year into the relationship at this point and her dad liked me, but she was still scared to tell her mom.
The point is, communicate these things, but don't pressure them or make their homelife any worse. Be there for them, ask if they want to talk about it, and support them. That may be a good approach.
•
Timezones suck. My gf lived on the East Coast of USA. So that meant at lunch time, she was waking up. So I was in classes when she could talk in the morning. By the time I finish classes, early evening, she was having lunch, we could talk for a few minutes. By the time she was done with classes, I was getting ready for bed. More often than not, we would end up video calling and I'd fall asleep shortly afterwards.
•
Communication is THE most important thing. Talk about your anxieties openly, talk about your feelings. Be honest. But, also be patient and understanding. In our relationship we could tell when something was wrong simply by how the other person texted. It is very possible to get to know somone by text.
•
Trust goes both ways. Its hard for me to fall in love, or even have interest in someone romantically. But the root of it for me is trust. Not just trust that they will remain faithful, but trust that they will have your best interests at heart.
•
Plan dates, make time for the other person, even if that means you have to suggest times. This gives you both something to look forward to and can be a real light at the end of the tunnel.
I also understand having a partner with a poor home life. My gf did, and was often intimidated and worried about her parents' reaction to us dating. So, she felt uncomfortable video/voice calling if her parents were in the house. That really hurt. One day we were playing a game and her mom came home without her knowing and asked "Who were you talking to?" She replied, "No one." That hurt me a lot. We were a year into the relationship at this point and her dad liked me, but she was still scared to tell her mom.
The point is, communicate these things, but don't pressure them or make their homelife any worse. Be there for them, ask if they want to talk about it, and support them. That may be a good approach.
Reply 7
Original post by NeoIan
Agreed actually Anon 2 - Also dont jump to conclusions that he is doing wrong, if hes a nice guy other girls will like him as a freind, but not nessecarily be trying to grab him from you, he might just be likeable. 
Yeah, I'm tryin not to, it's just a little hard when everything was going well and communication was still okay even with ongoing issues on his side.
I texted him a little late myself and asked him to lmk when he was free to talk and he said 'yh im getting a trim' and im back on my delivered streak.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
I was in a long distance relationship for 18 months. Here's some things I learned:
I also understand having a partner with a poor home life. My gf did, and was often intimidated and worried about her parents' reaction to us dating. So, she felt uncomfortable video/voice calling if her parents were in the house. That really hurt. One day we were playing a game and her mom came home without her knowing and asked "Who were you talking to?" She replied, "No one." That hurt me a lot. We were a year into the relationship at this point and her dad liked me, but she was still scared to tell her mom.
The point is, communicate these things, but don't pressure them or make their homelife any worse. Be there for them, ask if they want to talk about it, and support them. That may be a good approach.
•
Timezones suck. My gf lived on the East Coast of USA. So that meant at lunch time, she was waking up. So I was in classes when she could talk in the morning. By the time I finish classes, early evening, she was having lunch, we could talk for a few minutes. By the time she was done with classes, I was getting ready for bed. More often than not, we would end up video calling and I'd fall asleep shortly afterwards.
•
Communication is THE most important thing. Talk about your anxieties openly, talk about your feelings. Be honest. But, also be patient and understanding. In our relationship we could tell when something was wrong simply by how the other person texted. It is very possible to get to know somone by text.
•
Trust goes both ways. Its hard for me to fall in love, or even have interest in someone romantically. But the root of it for me is trust. Not just trust that they will remain faithful, but trust that they will have your best interests at heart.
•
Plan dates, make time for the other person, even if that means you have to suggest times. This gives you both something to look forward to and can be a real light at the end of the tunnel.
I also understand having a partner with a poor home life. My gf did, and was often intimidated and worried about her parents' reaction to us dating. So, she felt uncomfortable video/voice calling if her parents were in the house. That really hurt. One day we were playing a game and her mom came home without her knowing and asked "Who were you talking to?" She replied, "No one." That hurt me a lot. We were a year into the relationship at this point and her dad liked me, but she was still scared to tell her mom.
The point is, communicate these things, but don't pressure them or make their homelife any worse. Be there for them, ask if they want to talk about it, and support them. That may be a good approach.
Me myself, I find it hard to call or facetime, so I only ever do it when my parent's aren't home ( strict parents). So my communication is mostly on text unless my parents aren't home. He was a bit upset, however he understood so I'm also trying to be understanding on his part, but it's so hard to stay patient when mostly our communication is via texts, and even that is cut down. I'm not asking him to put away all his personal problems and focus on me, a single text telling me that he wont be talking a lot, will console me.
I asked him in the morning to let me know when he is free, but it's the just about the next day. So I am trying so hard to be patient. I really hope nothing bad is happening.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, I'm tryin not to, it's just a little hard when everything was going well and communication was still okay even with ongoing issues on his side.
I texted him a little late myself and asked him to lmk when he was free to talk and he said 'yh im getting a trim' and im back on my delivered streak.
I texted him a little late myself and asked him to lmk when he was free to talk and he said 'yh im getting a trim' and im back on my delivered streak.
Yes totally understood and I know how it can be - thing is you need to take the power position a bit more I guess in a nice way. We get heavily attached but actually your probably a lovely person by the sounds of your writing and deserve better - so it’s his loss ultimately - think that way a bit - don’t chase as such 🙂
Reply 10
"I'm not sure what to do"
The optimum course of action for you right now is to start searching for a short distance boyfriend. When you find a man that's at least as good for you as the current one, you let the long distance guy know that the 2 of you are no longer exclusive.
This may involve you working on whatever blockage would hold up you getting a short distance boyfriend within 3 months. EG expanding your social circle, addressing shyness, working on woman to man social skills...
It's clear to me that the long distance guy isn't doing enough to motivate you to stay with him. So you shouldn't.
As well as; all the issues you mentioned in the opening post would be solved by you getting a decent quality short distance boyfriend.
Please do not apply the sunken cost fallacy to your long distance boyfriend.
If I was in a long distance relationship with a woman, I'd support her and gently encourage her to cast her net locally and see what she dredged up. And if it was anyone as good as me, I'd want her to go with him. I'd only want her stay with me if she couldn't find anyone remotely as good as me, from her point of view.
However, most men wouldn't see this the same way as me; as many men are - in my opinion - overly possessive / too insecure.
The optimum course of action for you right now is to start searching for a short distance boyfriend. When you find a man that's at least as good for you as the current one, you let the long distance guy know that the 2 of you are no longer exclusive.
This may involve you working on whatever blockage would hold up you getting a short distance boyfriend within 3 months. EG expanding your social circle, addressing shyness, working on woman to man social skills...
It's clear to me that the long distance guy isn't doing enough to motivate you to stay with him. So you shouldn't.
As well as; all the issues you mentioned in the opening post would be solved by you getting a decent quality short distance boyfriend.
Please do not apply the sunken cost fallacy to your long distance boyfriend.
If I was in a long distance relationship with a woman, I'd support her and gently encourage her to cast her net locally and see what she dredged up. And if it was anyone as good as me, I'd want her to go with him. I'd only want her stay with me if she couldn't find anyone remotely as good as me, from her point of view.
However, most men wouldn't see this the same way as me; as many men are - in my opinion - overly possessive / too insecure.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
"I'm not sure what to do"
The optimum course of action for you right now is to start searching for a short distance boyfriend. When you find a man that's at least as good for you as the current one, you let the long distance guy know that the 2 of you are no longer exclusive.
This may involve you working on whatever blockage would hold up you getting a short distance boyfriend within 3 months. EG expanding your social circle, addressing shyness, working on woman to man social skills...
It's clear to me that the long distance guy isn't doing enough to motivate you to stay with him. So you shouldn't.
As well as; all the issues you mentioned in the opening post would be solved by you getting a decent quality short distance boyfriend.
Please do not apply the sunken cost fallacy to your long distance boyfriend.
If I was in a long distance relationship with a woman, I'd support her and gently encourage her to cast her net locally and see what she dredged up. And if it was anyone as good as me, I'd want her to go with him. I'd only want her stay with me if she couldn't find anyone remotely as good as me, from her point of view.
However, most men wouldn't see this the same way as me; as many men are - in my opinion - overly possessive / too insecure.
The optimum course of action for you right now is to start searching for a short distance boyfriend. When you find a man that's at least as good for you as the current one, you let the long distance guy know that the 2 of you are no longer exclusive.
This may involve you working on whatever blockage would hold up you getting a short distance boyfriend within 3 months. EG expanding your social circle, addressing shyness, working on woman to man social skills...
It's clear to me that the long distance guy isn't doing enough to motivate you to stay with him. So you shouldn't.
As well as; all the issues you mentioned in the opening post would be solved by you getting a decent quality short distance boyfriend.
Please do not apply the sunken cost fallacy to your long distance boyfriend.
If I was in a long distance relationship with a woman, I'd support her and gently encourage her to cast her net locally and see what she dredged up. And if it was anyone as good as me, I'd want her to go with him. I'd only want her stay with me if she couldn't find anyone remotely as good as me, from her point of view.
However, most men wouldn't see this the same way as me; as many men are - in my opinion - overly possessive / too insecure.
Reply 12
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
"I'm not sure what to do"
The optimum course of action for you right now is to start searching for a short distance boyfriend. When you find a man that's at least as good for you as the current one, you let the long distance guy know that the 2 of you are no longer exclusive.
This may involve you working on whatever blockage would hold up you getting a short distance boyfriend within 3 months. EG expanding your social circle, addressing shyness, working on woman to man social skills...
It's clear to me that the long distance guy isn't doing enough to motivate you to stay with him. So you shouldn't.
As well as; all the issues you mentioned in the opening post would be solved by you getting a decent quality short distance boyfriend.
Please do not apply the sunken cost fallacy to your long distance boyfriend.
If I was in a long distance relationship with a woman, I'd support her and gently encourage her to cast her net locally and see what she dredged up. And if it was anyone as good as me, I'd want her to go with him. I'd only want her stay with me if she couldn't find anyone remotely as good as me, from her point of view.
However, most men wouldn't see this the same way as me; as many men are - in my opinion - overly possessive / too insecure.
The optimum course of action for you right now is to start searching for a short distance boyfriend. When you find a man that's at least as good for you as the current one, you let the long distance guy know that the 2 of you are no longer exclusive.
This may involve you working on whatever blockage would hold up you getting a short distance boyfriend within 3 months. EG expanding your social circle, addressing shyness, working on woman to man social skills...
It's clear to me that the long distance guy isn't doing enough to motivate you to stay with him. So you shouldn't.
As well as; all the issues you mentioned in the opening post would be solved by you getting a decent quality short distance boyfriend.
Please do not apply the sunken cost fallacy to your long distance boyfriend.
If I was in a long distance relationship with a woman, I'd support her and gently encourage her to cast her net locally and see what she dredged up. And if it was anyone as good as me, I'd want her to go with him. I'd only want her stay with me if she couldn't find anyone remotely as good as me, from her point of view.
However, most men wouldn't see this the same way as me; as many men are - in my opinion - overly possessive / too insecure.
It's just now we can go for a day without talking. I get it it is problems at home. He dropped a text last night saying he hasn't eaten at all the past few days. That is worrying me. I cant really do anything. I dont know if I should text his best mate to look out for him. I've never contacted him but his little brother knows of me. What do you think? It would be awkward but I want him to look after his well being.
As of now, I feel like ive done a lot of chasing, I'm deciding to stop and let him be, whilst i do my own thing. I think it's his turn to do it cos right now I'm so mentally cooked 😭
Reply 13
Original post by NeoIan
Agreed make him Work - I wouldn’t stress about him
easier said than done, but I ill try to. Thank you!
Original post by Anonymous
easier said than done, but I ill try to. Thank you!
Reply 15
Original post by Anonymous
He isn't. My problem is when I do get with someone, I become attached. After a few heartbreaks, I dont know, you don't really feel any pain if subsequent relationships fail. But I feel really hurt this time around, I found him to be way different from any other guy i have met. He's always kept me up to date and texted me if he was really caught up with things, and I do the same so it's reciprocated.
It's just now we can go for a day without talking. I get it it is problems at home. He dropped a text last night saying he hasn't eaten at all the past few days. That is worrying me. I cant really do anything. I dont know if I should text his best mate to look out for him. I've never contacted him but his little brother knows of me. What do you think? It would be awkward but I want him to look after his well being.
As of now, I feel like ive done a lot of chasing, I'm deciding to stop and let him be, whilst i do my own thing. I think it's his turn to do it cos right now I'm so mentally cooked 😭
It's just now we can go for a day without talking. I get it it is problems at home. He dropped a text last night saying he hasn't eaten at all the past few days. That is worrying me. I cant really do anything. I dont know if I should text his best mate to look out for him. I've never contacted him but his little brother knows of me. What do you think? It would be awkward but I want him to look after his well being.
As of now, I feel like ive done a lot of chasing, I'm deciding to stop and let him be, whilst i do my own thing. I think it's his turn to do it cos right now I'm so mentally cooked 😭
That is not the sort of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. One that doesn't eat for days on end.
Not so much because he hasn't eaten for days. But the underlying reasons as to why he hasn't eaten for days.
Reply 16
i feel like ive hit a low. my mental health is f***** up and i dont know what to do. I keep overthinking and crying and my eyes are bloodshot red. im trying so hard to distract myself but i just go back to thinking of everything. i feel so s***
Original post by Anonymous
i feel like ive hit a low. my mental health is f***** up and i dont know what to do. I keep overthinking and crying and my eyes are bloodshot red. im trying so hard to distract myself but i just go back to thinking of everything. i feel so s***
So take my advice and let him be - if he was nice he’d talk to you about his eating thing - he needs to communicate otherwise I suggest you free your mind, go exercise and get out . Plus be confident about yourself - if he’s a good catch I suspect you are too as he wouldn’t be with you otherwise ? Think about it ? Go out - walk confident and smile and you might be surprised how many guys notice - 🙂
I always smile at a girls I appreciate and it makes them really happy as they smile back and often look back again.
Try this ok, you’ll feel freed and confident and in power - he draining your energy - and feel free to message me if you need to for positive vibes.
(edited 11 months ago)
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- advice
- Romantic firsts for my but not my partner
- Am I out of line ?????
- Asked a girl out again and not sure where I stand...
- Do you speak to anyone on social media?
- bf uninvited me
- My boyfriend can't stay hard or ejaculate
- Did I scare him off or was he not into me?
- What is the difference between relationship status?
- Am I toxic or just ovethinking?
- Very difficult situation (relationships)
- Can i have a guy friend if i have a bf?
- Disrespect in years relationship on holiday
- Important!
- Is this Nigerian girl flirting with me?
- is letting my boyfriends bestfriends girlfriend in my boyfriends bed too much?
- my best friend doesnt want to be my friend anymore, i dont know what to do
- Am I being a mug?
- AITA for being annoyed over my boyfriends lateness.
- Should I break up with my girlfriend?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 week ago
Can someone please help me tag Artful_lounger, i want to ask him a questionHealth
5
21
Last reply 1 week ago
How to get through the year with a teacher that dislikes you?Last reply 1 month ago
Aren’t you supposed to stand in monkey in the middle
