Bf , 3 years, in his 30s lives with someone

Hey guys I’m (25) bf is (38) huge gap I know haha this the longest healthiest relationship I been in almost 3 years. Anyways he live with his cousin as In his cousin rents a room at my bf place. My bf only shares rent with him but my bf pays all the other bills. The cousin works night shift so we barely see him as he sleeps throughout the entire day and then is gone at night. Also he doesn’t ever chill in the living room not once.

Anyways I’ve brought up to my bf because his cousin hygiene is really bad in his room as in he doesn’t clean his room he leaves food in there doesn’t open the window his room stinks and my bf has ocd the cousin even bought a lock for his room so he doesn’t even open his room. ANYWAYS , I said to my bf how long are u planning for him to stay and my bf said why? Why? I said because of his hygiene and ur not going to live with him forever right and he said well right now he hasn’t done anything to me.

Anyways I’m worrying abit and thinking if I wanna get engaged married and kids I don’t want his cousin living here, but I love my bf house and I don’t care much about the cousin because I barely see him it feels like he’s not here. But I don’t want my bf being comfortable with him living here forever.

Is this a red flag. I haven’t told my mum that his cousin lives in the house otherwise my mum would think a lot of things and overthink about my future.

My bf has multiple kids but isn’t with them overnight as the babymother is depriving her kids from seeing him often, he’s present in their lives but yeah.

Should I be worried I mean I’m young and I’ve said to him in passing comment I don’t want to get married for another 5 years and no kids for 8 years.

He’s the type that won’t think of a plan unless it’s approaching.

He earns 40k a year , 3.6k a month
His rent is £600
Car is £500. A month + insurance which I don’t know how much. £400 a month on petrol
£500 on kids
Bills : 700
( roughly all I know)

I am use to men who earns way way way more but yeah this is where I am and now 3 years have passed. I also wouldn’t want to contribute to bills either if I was married. He pays majority of times when we go out probably spends £100 a week on me and him.

Am I overthinking about my future should I just chill out and focus on my education and dating him right now but then I’m scared as time as flown by 3 years but I defo want to stay with my mum until I’m married which I don’t want anytime soon as I love being independent.

Reply 1

HoldThisL

having a roommate when you don't live with your SO is pretty common and, regardless of age, it's good for your bank balance and possibly social life

having a roommate when you do live with your SO would be unusual and not great for the third person (which is why its less common) so i wouldn't say its a red flag, but as a couple looking to move in together, it should usually be on your own

so just be prepared to spend a little time convincing them of that, i imagine

Reply 2

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

There's more red flags in this than an unhygienic housemate.

Children might not happen in a minimum of 8 years tine; would your then-husband want to be in his 60s and dealing with youngsters? Why won't you be paying any bills? You'll get eating food, using utilities and children are expensive; why should the father pay for everything and what about when he retires?