The Student Room Group

Terrified of moving out for uni

I lived in accomodation this year for uni and was really miserable - felt really lonely and isolated. I’m now switching universities to do a different course and will be further from home. I feel really anxious that the same thing will happen again, the accom I’ve been offered is 7 rooms and I really don’t want to live with that many people. I feel like I don’t have a choice though, it would be a long commute, but I feel like I’m just going to miss my mum so much. She’s an older mum and had cancer last year which was really stressful (she’s okay now!), I feel like I just love her too much to leave.
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
I lived in accomodation this year for uni and was really miserable - felt really lonely and isolated. I’m now switching universities to do a different course and will be further from home. I feel really anxious that the same thing will happen again, the accom I’ve been offered is 7 rooms and I really don’t want to live with that many people. I feel like I don’t have a choice though, it would be a long commute, but I feel like I’m just going to miss my mum so much. She’s an older mum and had cancer last year which was really stressful (she’s okay now!), I feel like I just love her too much to leave.

You will meet plenty of new friends. Don't worry. You will have the time of your life. Your mum will be happy for you as well. Good Luck! 😁
Original post by Anonymous
I lived in accomodation this year for uni and was really miserable - felt really lonely and isolated. I’m now switching universities to do a different course and will be further from home. I feel really anxious that the same thing will happen again, the accom I’ve been offered is 7 rooms and I really don’t want to live with that many people. I feel like I don’t have a choice though, it would be a long commute, but I feel like I’m just going to miss my mum so much. She’s an older mum and had cancer last year which was really stressful (she’s okay now!), I feel like I just love her too much to leave.

Hi there,

Moving out for uni can be tricky but try not to worry too much.

If you can, it might help to go to the place where your new uni is and see if you can look around the accommodation if you haven't already as this might put your mind at ease about the place and it will also make it more familiar which might help when it comes to moving in. Looking around the town as well will make it feel more like home and might help with any homesickness if you get any when you move in.

As for living with 7 people, it sounds like a lot but it might mean that you make friends with more people. Try and think of it as the more people that are there, the more chances you have of getting on with some of them and making friends. I had 8 in my first year flat and it meant there was a mix of us which I liked and there was always someone around if I wanted to talk to someone or do something.

It can be hard when you feel lonely at uni and my best advice for that would be try and make sure you are getting out of your flat every day! Ask your flatmates if they want to do something with you, or just go for a walk or do something on your own. Staying in can make you feel worse and even though it might not seem fun going out on your own, it really will make you feel better!

Joining a society is also a great way to meet new people and make friends and also get out of the flat! Usually you will find people here with similar interests to you and it can be really nice. The socials are fun too so definitely look into joining one!

Making friends with the people on your course is good too. Try and talk to the people you sit next to in lectures and seminars and then ask people if they want to do something with you. It can be daunting asking people to go out but trust me it will be worth it! The worst thing that can happen is they say no but they might then invite you when they make plans so it is worth it.

Make sure you FaceTime or text friends and family too as this will help you, especially if you are homesick at all. You can also invite them to visit you and you can go home too! As has been said, your mum will be proud of you making the decision to move so try and think of it this way!

I hope some of this helps and good luck at uni :smile:

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Original post by Anonymous
I lived in accomodation this year for uni and was really miserable - felt really lonely and isolated. I’m now switching universities to do a different course and will be further from home. I feel really anxious that the same thing will happen again, the accom I’ve been offered is 7 rooms and I really don’t want to live with that many people. I feel like I don’t have a choice though, it would be a long commute, but I feel like I’m just going to miss my mum so much. She’s an older mum and had cancer last year which was really stressful (she’s okay now!), I feel like I just love her too much to leave.

Anon,

Is there a university closer to home that you could attend? What was the reason why you previously felt lonely and isolated? Did you not have much in common with the other students? Were they very messy or super tidy? Did they all keep to themselves? Did you feel shy talking to new people? It would be good to think about what the problem may have been as you are going further away from home this time and may encounter the same problem again.

There might be seven rooms in the accommodation block but all the rooms might not be occupied. Seven is a lot, but it also increases your chances that there might be at least one person that you get on well with. If you really don’t like the people you live with, you could ask to change rooms if you meet other people from another block that you get on better with.

If you reflect on your previous experience, you might be able to reduce your anxiety by thinking about how you would handle things now. For example, if the problem was no one said ‘hello’ and everyone kept to themselves it might be knocking on people’s doors and introducing yourself, setting up a WhatsApp group, and eating in the kitchen rather. If you can think of positive action that you can take, you will feel more confident and less afraid. It will also help you to be more pro-active.

Wonderful to hear that your mother is well! Great news : ) It’s good that you will be able to study with less worry. I know that it might still feel a bit frightening to be away, but you will be able to keep in touch by phone and email and the holidays will come round really quickly. She will also be really proud of you, venturing out to pursue your degree after the difficult year that you both have had. (She might even come and visit!)

I think you should talk to her about how you are feeling. I think it would make things easier.

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous
I lived in accomodation this year for uni and was really miserable - felt really lonely and isolated. I’m now switching universities to do a different course and will be further from home. I feel really anxious that the same thing will happen again, the accom I’ve been offered is 7 rooms and I really don’t want to live with that many people. I feel like I don’t have a choice though, it would be a long commute, but I feel like I’m just going to miss my mum so much. She’s an older mum and had cancer last year which was really stressful (she’s okay now!), I feel like I just love her too much to leave.

Hiya,

I think it’s completely understandable that you’re anxious about this move, especially after having a bad recent experience. I also understand not wanting to leave your mum after what you’ve all been through as a family. Battling cancer is tough on everyone and I can imagine you had to go through a lot during that time.

I’d firstly think about if maybe taking a year out would be better for you? It sounds like maybe you want to prioritise spending some time with your mom and just being closer to her, which is completely fine. If you took a year out, you could then look at unis that are maybe a little closer to home?

If taking a year out or choosing a uni closer to you isn’t an option, then not to worry I still think there’s a lot you can do to make your experience better.

As being close to your mom is important to you, I’d suggest planning ahead for weekends you can go home to see her. There will also be lots of different societies that you could join! I’d look into those and see if anything takes your fancy. These are a great way of meeting friends.

Living with 7 people does sound like a lot and if you don’t want to live with that many people, see if there is anything else available. If not, try not to worry too much it could actually be a really great way to make some new friends!

Good luck with whatever you decide 🙂 I hope this helps a bit!

Sophie (ARU)
Original post by University of Huddersfield
Anon,
Is there a university closer to home that you could attend? What was the reason why you previously felt lonely and isolated? Did you not have much in common with the other students? Were they very messy or super tidy? Did they all keep to themselves? Did you feel shy talking to new people? It would be good to think about what the problem may have been as you are going further away from home this time and may encounter the same problem again.
There might be seven rooms in the accommodation block but all the rooms might not be occupied. Seven is a lot, but it also increases your chances that there might be at least one person that you get on well with. If you really don’t like the people you live with, you could ask to change rooms if you meet other people from another block that you get on better with.
If you reflect on your previous experience, you might be able to reduce your anxiety by thinking about how you would handle things now. For example, if the problem was no one said ‘hello’ and everyone kept to themselves it might be knocking on people’s doors and introducing yourself, setting up a WhatsApp group, and eating in the kitchen rather. If you can think of positive action that you can take, you will feel more confident and less afraid. It will also help you to be more pro-active.
Wonderful to hear that your mother is well! Great news : ) It’s good that you will be able to study with less worry. I know that it might still feel a bit frightening to be away, but you will be able to keep in touch by phone and email and the holidays will come round really quickly. She will also be really proud of you, venturing out to pursue your degree after the difficult year that you both have had. (She might even come and visit!)
I think you should talk to her about how you are feeling. I think it would make things easier.
All the best,
Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield

Hi! The course I want to do is quite niche and specific so there’s only a few of them in the country, and they’re quite popular and oversubscribed. There’s one at the uni I am withdrawing from and I was all set to switch courses but a couple weeks ago my uni called me and said it wasn’t possible. I applied earlier on the year on UCAS for different courses so I had them as a backup but ideally I wanted to stay in my city. In my accomodation I had a couple friends but they were either quite introverted and liked spending time alone or were busy a lot with work etc. I spent most of my time in my room because of really bad depression so I’m just scared that will happen again :frown:
Hello!

I have considered taking a gap year, but because I’m already worried about going into first year as a 20 year old, I’m more worried about doing it as a mature student (I think it’s kinda crazy that 21 is considered a mature student lol). I know there’s nothing wrong with going to uni at an older age because people go through different circumstances but I’m worried about being behind or not connecting with people as much?
Original post by cinnamoomin
Hi! The course I want to do is quite niche and specific so there’s only a few of them in the country, and they’re quite popular and oversubscribed. There’s one at the uni I am withdrawing from and I was all set to switch courses but a couple weeks ago my uni called me and said it wasn’t possible. I applied earlier on the year on UCAS for different courses so I had them as a backup but ideally I wanted to stay in my city. In my accomodation I had a couple friends but they were either quite introverted and liked spending time alone or were busy a lot with work etc. I spent most of my time in my room because of really bad depression so I’m just scared that will happen again :frown:

@cinnamoomin

It’s great you’ve got in to your new course, especially as its niche and oversubscribed. You should be proud of yourself : )! It’s frustrating that you can’t stay in your own city and switch courses, but that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy being away once you have settled. You have made friends, so there is no reason why you can’t make more friends when you move. It can take time with people. A lot of people can be quite shy and nervous around others and it can be very easy as an introvert to avoid socialising. It can feel a lot easier to hide in one’s room! All being well, you will meet students who are outgoing and confident, but most friendships do take time.

Do sign up with a GP when you arrive at your new university and if you take medication for your depression, do make sure you have enough and that you are regularly taking your medication. Find out what support services your university offers and what’s available in the local community, so that if you need someone to talk to or need to be with people who understand, then you know the people to go to. Apart from that, trying to get out of your room daily (e.g. going for a walk) will help you get some fresh air and exercise. Making the most of uni events and societies will also help you to meet people and make friends. Finally, do stay in contact with your family and friends so that if you do begin to feel low, they can support you!

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
You get over it, even if you don’t make friends. I’m going into my third year of uni with no friends and it’s not so bad, it’s lonely but i get on alright. Sorry about your mum though, maybe you can try to go home every other weekend to see her or something

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