The Student Room Group

All my friends are having babies. I feel like I am missing out.

Hi everyone,

I 28 (f) have been with my boyfriend 35 (m) for almost 8 months.

90% of my friendship circle are having babies.

A few months ago my boyfriend randomly out of the blue told me that his ex girlfriend never got pregnant with him and they were together for close to 2.5 years. Now she's having a baby. He was worried he might be infertile. So he went to get tested. Im assuming he's fine now... considering if the test results indicated that he cannot have kids we wouldn't continue our relationship.

This discussion was had 2.5 months ago:

We have been having unprotected sex on and off for the last 2 months because we don't live in the same city so it's far from regular. I ovulate every month as normal.

He's reassured me that we will have babies in the future once we get married.

I just have a fear that... what if it doesn't happen? What if what happens to his ex.. happens to me ? We don't have our own house but I feel so much external pressure cos everyone around me is having a baby and I feel like I should be much further along with them.

But its only been 8 months. He's a wonderful man. I don't want to self-sabotage and lose him because I am constantly going on about how broody I am and we just don't have everything in place.

Im caught in-between wanting a baby and not really being ready for one because I don't have the house, marriage, car (he has one) ...

And I feel awful cos my best friend is on her second baby. And I am rushing things in my own head.
Original post by Girlpop95
Hi everyone,
I 28 (f) have been with my boyfriend 35 (m) for almost 8 months.
90% of my friendship circle are having babies.
A few months ago my boyfriend randomly out of the blue told me that his ex girlfriend never got pregnant with him and they were together for close to 2.5 years. Now she's having a baby. He was worried he might be infertile. So he went to get tested. Im assuming he's fine now... considering if the test results indicated that he cannot have kids we wouldn't continue our relationship.
This discussion was had 2.5 months ago:
We have been having unprotected sex on and off for the last 2 months because we don't live in the same city so it's far from regular. I ovulate every month as normal.
He's reassured me that we will have babies in the future once we get married.
I just have a fear that... what if it doesn't happen? What if what happens to his ex.. happens to me ? We don't have our own house but I feel so much external pressure cos everyone around me is having a baby and I feel like I should be much further along with them.
But its only been 8 months. He's a wonderful man. I don't want to self-sabotage and lose him because I am constantly going on about how broody I am and we just don't have everything in place.
Im caught in-between wanting a baby and not really being ready for one because I don't have the house, marriage, car (he has one) ...
And I feel awful cos my best friend is on her second baby. And I am rushing things in my own head.

Ok
Original post by Girlpop95
Hi everyone,
I 28 (f) have been with my boyfriend 35 (m) for almost 8 months.
90% of my friendship circle are having babies.
A few months ago my boyfriend randomly out of the blue told me that his ex girlfriend never got pregnant with him and they were together for close to 2.5 years. Now she's having a baby. He was worried he might be infertile. So he went to get tested. Im assuming he's fine now... considering if the test results indicated that he cannot have kids we wouldn't continue our relationship.
This discussion was had 2.5 months ago:
We have been having unprotected sex on and off for the last 2 months because we don't live in the same city so it's far from regular. I ovulate every month as normal.
He's reassured me that we will have babies in the future once we get married.
I just have a fear that... what if it doesn't happen? What if what happens to his ex.. happens to me ? We don't have our own house but I feel so much external pressure cos everyone around me is having a baby and I feel like I should be much further along with them.
But its only been 8 months. He's a wonderful man. I don't want to self-sabotage and lose him because I am constantly going on about how broody I am and we just don't have everything in place.
Im caught in-between wanting a baby and not really being ready for one because I don't have the house, marriage, car (he has one) ...
And I feel awful cos my best friend is on her second baby. And I am rushing things in my own head.

Don’t worry too much, you never know what great things you may be faced with!
Patience takes time, having children also takes time for some - so cheer-up, there’s always time and it’s clear that you boyfriend loves you back.

I hope you’re having a blessed week - make sure to smile everyday, waking up and knowing you have something to motivate you. 😄
Reply 3
It’s a relatively short time to make a commitment to settle down and not a ringing endorsement if his fertility is an absolute deal breaker. Why hasn’t he told you the result of the fertility test. If you reckon he’s the one best to find out and then make a plan to have a baby if he wants this too. I think you have to try for 6 months around ovulation before you start thinking about seeking help
Reply 4
Original post by Zarek
It’s a relatively short time to make a commitment to settle down and not a ringing endorsement if his fertility is an absolute deal breaker. Why hasn’t he told you the result of the fertility test. If you reckon he’s the one best to find out and then make a plan to have a baby if he wants this too. I think you have to try for 6 months around ovulation before you start thinking about seeking help
Thank you for your sound response.

I did ask for his results. They were inconclusive and he said he's gone again but will let me know the results... and that if he can't have kids we would have to go our separate ways.

Since then he has been talking about having a family in the future. But I am 28. He has not given me a time frame or definite answer as to when these things will happen.
I wouldn't worry too much about it, either. I'm close to turning 22 and friends of mine are becoming pregnant. Matter of fact, there are two girls I work with who are pregnant now. One is your age and the other is 19. I'm kinda starting to feel that want...to become a mother and feel what it's like to have a life grow inside me. I'm currently single...but...my time will come. Besides...my little sister giving me a niece is awesome, too since she just turned 18 and is 20 weeks along.
What are you trying to accomplish here? You kinda sound like you want a baby date right now. It's really easy to get carried away with everyone else's lives and milestones, but you shouldn't make impulsive choices to try and catch up, esp very permanent ones.

Curious how this 'If infertile we split up' red line came about, who's idea was this and is it that black and white? you wouldn't consider donors or adoption etc?

One thing you have to see is that it's possibly the worst time for cost of living/raising kids in recent history - unless you have that sort of money and support in place it could be brutal for you all :/
Reply 7
Original post by StriderHort
What are you trying to accomplish here? You kinda sound like you want a baby date right now. It's really easy to get carried away with everyone else's lives and milestones, but you shouldn't make impulsive choices to try and catch up, esp very permanent ones.
Curious how this 'If infertile we split up' red line came about, who's idea was this and is it that black and white? you wouldn't consider donors or adoption etc?
One thing you have to see is that it's possibly the worst time for cost of living/raising kids in recent history - unless you have that sort of money and support in place it could be brutal for you all :/
Interesting perspective...
Reply 8
wait so your saying your going to break up with if his he is infertal or did I just read that wrong you shouldn't break up with the person you love if anything you can go to a sprem bank and get pregnant that way yea he wouldent be blood related to the kid but he would still be the father and also don't rush stuff just because your friends are getting pregnant you'll most likely will have one and with being caught in-between wanting a baby and not being ready you need/ should wait till your ready because if you bring a baby into the world and your not financially stable its not the best time for that also if you love him then you should stick with him no matter the hard dision I'm sure you'll make the right disison and I hope this helps
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Girlpop95
Hi everyone,
I 28 (f) have been with my boyfriend 35 (m) for almost 8 months.
90% of my friendship circle are having babies.
A few months ago my boyfriend randomly out of the blue told me that his ex girlfriend never got pregnant with him and they were together for close to 2.5 years. Now she's having a baby. He was worried he might be infertile. So he went to get tested. Im assuming he's fine now... considering if the test results indicated that he cannot have kids we wouldn't continue our relationship.
This discussion was had 2.5 months ago:
We have been having unprotected sex on and off for the last 2 months because we don't live in the same city so it's far from regular. I ovulate every month as normal.
He's reassured me that we will have babies in the future once we get married.
I just have a fear that... what if it doesn't happen? What if what happens to his ex.. happens to me ? We don't have our own house but I feel so much external pressure cos everyone around me is having a baby and I feel like I should be much further along with them.
But its only been 8 months. He's a wonderful man. I don't want to self-sabotage and lose him because I am constantly going on about how broody I am and we just don't have everything in place.
Im caught in-between wanting a baby and not really being ready for one because I don't have the house, marriage, car (he has one) ...
And I feel awful cos my best friend is on her second baby. And I am rushing things in my own head.

Most people are never ready for a baby. I would suggest that you give it a go. Good luck
Reply 10
Original post by StriderHort
What are you trying to accomplish here? You kinda sound like you want a baby date right now. It's really easy to get carried away with everyone else's lives and milestones, but you shouldn't make impulsive choices to try and catch up, esp very permanent ones.
Curious how this 'If infertile we split up' red line came about, who's idea was this and is it that black and white? you wouldn't consider donors or adoption etc?
One thing you have to see is that it's possibly the worst time for cost of living/raising kids in recent history - unless you have that sort of money and support in place it could be brutal for you all :/

Update...

He broke up with me due to his infertility and cos he can no longer financially show up in the relationship or take me out on dates and does not want me to support him.

I was open to IVF.. not adoption but IVF because I loved him but he refuses to look after a child that isn't his. I have to respect this.
Original post by indotime
wait so your saying your going to break up with if his he is infertal or did I just read that wrong you shouldn't break up with the person you love if anything you can go to a sprem bank and get pregnant that way yea he wouldent be blood related to the kid but he would still be the father and also don't rush stuff just because your friends are getting pregnant you'll most likely will have one and with being caught in-between wanting a baby and not being ready you need/ should wait till your ready because if you bring a baby into the world and your not financially stable its not the best time for that also if you love him then you should stick with him no matter the hard dision I'm sure you'll make the right disison and I hope this helps

He broke up with me as he refused to do IVF and says he is now financially unstable and cannot afford to take me out anymore. He won't let me support him nor is he open to any options.
I'm so sorry he broke up with you. :jumphug:I'm currently expecting and I have the support of the guy who got me pregnant (it was a one night stand). All your ex did was prove he was a jerk. You'll find someone who loves and respects you. :hugs::console:
Original post by Anonymous
He broke up with me as he refused to do IVF and says he is now financially unstable and cannot afford to take me out anymore. He won't let me support him nor is he open to any options.

sorry he left you but if he just up and left like that without even discussing an IVF or any other options makes me think he just didn't want a kid or even a relation ship

Quick Reply