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How much have your parents helped you out with adulthood?

I’m just curious because it feels like my parents have not helped me develop but maybe I can’t put blame on them as much as my self. I’m in my 20s and struggle with depression/autism and it’s stunted me from being able to stand on my own two feet, I feel like a fledgling with clipped wings. My parents are way too laid back and don’t care if I’m a stay at home daughter forever and have never held me accountable or motivated me to do well, I also don’t have anyone else in my life for that either. They also never taught me any life skills or help with adulting, instead I feel infantilised most of the time. The thing is they aren’t bad people they do care about me a lot, they just don’t acknowledge the seriousness of my situation and haven’t gone beyond knowing how to treat their kid beyond the age of 10.
my parents are fairly different to yours

they taught me how to read, cook, basic money management etc. they were also strict on getting the benefits of education and didn't buy me a lot of luxuries so i ended fairly independent by the time i was 16 or so

my gf would appreciate your situation somewhat though. im currently trying to get her to figure out how to book her own flight, but she also has no idea how to pay bills or do taxes on her own

those skills aren't hard though, they just seem like it because no one taught you. it's never too late to learn

what's your life like right now, where can you begin? could you book a holiday yourself, or a day trip? those would be good places to start. getting out and about is surely a good way to learn, then once you get confident 'adulting' you'll feel curious and ambitious about learning more as you go about your life
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Original post by HoldThisL
my parents are fairly different to yours
they taught me how to read, cook, basic money management etc. they were also strict on getting the benefits of education and didn't buy me a lot of luxuries so i ended fairly independent by the time i was 16 or so
my gf would appreciate your situation somewhat though. im currently trying to get her to figure out how to book her own flight, but she also has no idea how to pay bills or do taxes on her own
those skills aren't hard though, they just seem like it because no one taught you. it's never too late to learn
what's your life like right now, where can you begin? could you book a holiday yourself, or a day trip? those would be good places to start. getting out and about is surely a good way to learn, then once you get confident 'adulting' you'll feel curious and ambitious about learning more as you go about your life

Your parents seem like they knew how to bring a kid up that’s good.

I feel quite useless as an adult and feel massive imposter syndrome feeling 12 still. The biggest thing I deal with are boundaries and discipline, which I had to teach myself but then lost. I can do things like book trips and such at least, I’ve travelled alone and such, I guess it’s more certain values I don’t have and resilience to be completely independent and I don’t have a clue on money management and bills/taxes etc. also bc my parents talk to me like a child and undermine my intelligence I have no confidence to express myself and speak my mind with people.
My parents at least taught me how to read and cook. Two worthful basic skills in my adulting phase.
I'm in a similar-ish situation to you, OP. I'm nearly 36 years old and still live at home with my parents, due to having psychosis and mood swings (schizoaffective disorder). My parents do virtually everything for me. That's partly because I'm so ill a lot of the time, but also because I let them and encourage them to do this.

In my case, I haven't been very proactive about trying to develop life skills or be self-sustaining. It's gonna be a huge problem when both my parents die, coz my older sister lives abroad (and I don't wanna live in the USA), and my younger sister refuses to house me once my parents die. So I'll be going into supported accomodation (which has a long waiting list!) and will have to fend for myself with no idea of how to.

In my case, I think my parents could/should have pushed me to be a bit more independent but tbh I think the onus is on me to be more assertive and try and do more things for myself :dontknow:
Original post by Anonymous
Your parents seem like they knew how to bring a kid up that’s good.
I feel quite useless as an adult and feel massive imposter syndrome feeling 12 still. The biggest thing I deal with are boundaries and discipline, which I had to teach myself but then lost. I can do things like book trips and such at least, I’ve travelled alone and such, I guess it’s more certain values I don’t have and resilience to be completely independent and I don’t have a clue on money management and bills/taxes etc. also bc my parents talk to me like a child and undermine my intelligence I have no confidence to express myself and speak my mind with people.

oh i see. sounds a lot more qualitative than specific things that you can learn then i see

how old are you? is now the right time to be thinking about moving out?

i say that because when i leave an old environment (eg when i left university, left my first job) i felt i left behind some of the baggage that comes with being your old self, and you get the chance to reinvent yourself
Original post by Anonymous
I’m just curious because it feels like my parents have not helped me develop but maybe I can’t put blame on them as much as my self. I’m in my 20s and struggle with depression/autism and it’s stunted me from being able to stand on my own two feet, I feel like a fledgling with clipped wings. My parents are way too laid back and don’t care if I’m a stay at home daughter forever and have never held me accountable or motivated me to do well, I also don’t have anyone else in my life for that either. They also never taught me any life skills or help with adulting, instead I feel infantilised most of the time. The thing is they aren’t bad people they do care about me a lot, they just don’t acknowledge the seriousness of my situation and haven’t gone beyond knowing how to treat their kid beyond the age of 10.
The best part of your story is that you have gained the self-awareness to recognise that you have development areas.

I think you are still young enough to improve. My suggestion is to look at areas that are missing and look to enhance those areas. For example, if it is a life skill like cooking, I’d suggest that you buy a cheap cookbook and start learning. If it is money matters, you can look for ways to learn.

One last thing that I would suggest is that you should start going to the gym, if you are healthy enough to do so. Going to the gym gives you discipline and a routine that you can stick to.

It’s never too late but you may regret it if you dont self-improve now. Good luck
(edited 3 weeks ago)

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