The Student Room Group

running away from home to university

hi, im just asking about any advice you guys can give about my current situation.
my current situation at home is very bad, my parents and i have been having constant arguments for the past 2 years now, to the point where my mental health (and physical at times) has deteriorated. ever since they found out i dont fit their religious views ive been victim to their ways of trying to "fix" me, and ive been put into a life that i dont want to live. Having/hanging out with friends is not allowed, and moving out also isnt. I have to apply to university later this year, and they explicitly said i can only go to universities in our city, and continuing living at home, so they ensure im constantly under their eye and i dont live my life how i want to. The only other way of moving out is through marriage in my family, and in my situation that isnt happening anytime soon. So i thought i could use university as a way to leave for good and cut all contact, the situation at home is not reparable , the only reason it is livable is because ive been lying about improving and being straight for the past year or so, and i cant continue living like this. I was wondering about advice and what to do in my situation, my university that i want to go to is UCL, and they had an estranged student fund, but i dont think this applies to me because ive been under their financial care for the past year, but this will all stop when i leave. if this is in the incorrect forum please let me know
Please offer any advice you can give, about how to leave, procedures, how to apply without parental permission, and anything else you find useful, thanks.
Original post by ageli
hi, im just asking about any advice you guys can give about my current situation.
my current situation at home is very bad, my parents and i have been having constant arguments for the past 2 years now, to the point where my mental health (and physical at times) has deteriorated. ever since they found out i dont fit their religious views ive been victim to their ways of trying to "fix" me, and ive been put into a life that i dont want to live. Having/hanging out with friends is not allowed, and moving out also isnt. I have to apply to university later this year, and they explicitly said i can only go to universities in our city, and continuing living at home, so they ensure im constantly under their eye and i dont live my life how i want to. The only other way of moving out is through marriage in my family, and in my situation that isnt happening anytime soon. So i thought i could use university as a way to leave for good and cut all contact, the situation at home is not reparable , the only reason it is livable is because ive been lying about improving and being straight for the past year or so, and i cant continue living like this. I was wondering about advice and what to do in my situation, my university that i want to go to is UCL, and they had an estranged student fund, but i dont think this applies to me because ive been under their financial care for the past year, but this will all stop when i leave. if this is in the incorrect forum please let me know
Please offer any advice you can give, about how to leave, procedures, how to apply without parental permission, and anything else you find useful, thanks.

are you able to talk to a teacher at school?
they could help
Original post by handsome-gypsy
are you able to talk to a teacher at school?
they could help

they would know what to do and have advice
Original post by ageli
hi, im just asking about any advice you guys can give about my current situation.
my current situation at home is very bad, my parents and i have been having constant arguments for the past 2 years now, to the point where my mental health (and physical at times) has deteriorated. ever since they found out i dont fit their religious views ive been victim to their ways of trying to "fix" me, and ive been put into a life that i dont want to live. Having/hanging out with friends is not allowed, and moving out also isnt. I have to apply to university later this year, and they explicitly said i can only go to universities in our city, and continuing living at home, so they ensure im constantly under their eye and i dont live my life how i want to. The only other way of moving out is through marriage in my family, and in my situation that isnt happening anytime soon. So i thought i could use university as a way to leave for good and cut all contact, the situation at home is not reparable , the only reason it is livable is because ive been lying about improving and being straight for the past year or so, and i cant continue living like this. I was wondering about advice and what to do in my situation, my university that i want to go to is UCL, and they had an estranged student fund, but i dont think this applies to me because ive been under their financial care for the past year, but this will all stop when i leave. if this is in the incorrect forum please let me know
Please offer any advice you can give, about how to leave, procedures, how to apply without parental permission, and anything else you find useful, thanks.

You need to get out if life is as bad as you say fist of all I'd apply for uni at school uni of a local library basically any where you parents aren't. I'd also try and get some kind of a job seasonal work is good as shops always look for extra help in the holidays so get control of your bank account. So how do you escape?
Ground work:
1/Get a job and save as much money as you can your parents should support this even if it is just in the holidays and save as much as you can minimum wage is £6.40 (that would be about £51 per 8 hour shift) if your under 18 but a number of places pay better I had a friend who worked at Vodafone and she said they payed around £12 and hour so it's worth having look around and seeing what pays well.

2/ On your UCAS you should have the option to put in a postal address so you'll need to ask a trusted friend or something if you can get your UCAS stuff sent to them then they can give it to you at school/college or somewhere else.

3/ on you finance apply as an independent student you'll only get a basic loan but you can get a job at uni and there will be loads of choice in london.

The preparation:

4/ Buy your self a big hold all before uni and slowly start moving any clothes you want to take into this hold all (if you can hide it somewhere that would help also) do it at night so your parents don't notice.

5/ Get your self a new phone and sim card and make sure your parents don't know (pop out at lunch time when your at work.) it doesn't need to be any thing amazing but something like one of these would be ideal

6/ At some point you'll need a train ticket to university so when you buy the new phone get a ticket too. Most unis let you move in from Wednesday so for an escape I'd recommend then.

7/ The night before your escape put all the things you need (laptop chargers etc etc in to a backpack) if your parents see you doing this just tell them your preparing for uni so the weekend and morning aren't a mad rush you'll also need your passport (or get a new one).

The Escape:
8/ You'll want to get away as early as possible to uni so get to the station as early as possible and take the first train you can in to London then make your way to UCL and your halls you can check in from 8am so try to get there then.

9/ When you leave also leave your old phone the reason for this is two fold it stops you parents calling and employing emotional blackmail (because they will)and also it's more than likley your parents have put some tracking software on your phone and you don't want that. So when you get to your halls set up you new phone.

10/Unpack go and get some food and any other provisions you need maybe some more clothes (because i guess your parents are quite restrictive about what they let you wear right now) get your bearings and congratulations you've escaped.

leave a note saying gone to uni and your parents won't be able to report you as a missing person. it goes without saying don't tell them where you plan on going so they can't find you.
Reply 4
Original post by jonathanemptage
You need to get out if life is as bad as you say fist of all I'd apply for uni at school uni of a local library basically any where you parents aren't. I'd also try and get some kind of a job seasonal work is good as shops always look for extra help in the holidays so get control of your bank account. So how do you escape?
Ground work:
1/Get a job and save as much money as you can your parents should support this even if it is just in the holidays and save as much as you can minimum wage is £6.40 (that would be about £51 per 8 hour shift) if your under 18 but a number of places pay better I had a friend who worked at Vodafone and she said they payed around £12 and hour so it's worth having look around and seeing what pays well.
2/ On your UCAS you should have the option to put in a postal address so you'll need to ask a trusted friend or something if you can get your UCAS stuff sent to them then they can give it to you at school/college or somewhere else.
3/ on you finance apply as an independent student you'll only get a basic loan but you can get a job at uni and there will be loads of choice in london.
The preparation:
4/ Buy your self a big hold all before uni and slowly start moving any clothes you want to take into this hold all (if you can hide it somewhere that would help also) do it at night so your parents don't notice.
5/ Get your self a new phone and sim card and make sure your parents don't know (pop out at lunch time when your at work.) it doesn't need to be any thing amazing but something like one of these would be ideal
6/ At some point you'll need a train ticket to university so when you buy the new phone get a ticket too. Most unis let you move in from Wednesday so for an escape I'd recommend then.
7/ The night before your escape put all the things you need (laptop chargers etc etc in to a backpack) if your parents see you doing this just tell them your preparing for uni so the weekend and morning aren't a mad rush you'll also need your passport (or get a new one).
The Escape:
8/ You'll want to get away as early as possible to uni so get to the station as early as possible and take the first train you can in to London then make your way to UCL and your halls you can check in from 8am so try to get there then.
9/ When you leave also leave your old phone the reason for this is two fold it stops you parents calling and employing emotional blackmail (because they will)and also it's more than likley your parents have put some tracking software on your phone and you don't want that. So when you get to your halls set up you new phone.
10/Unpack go and get some food and any other provisions you need maybe some more clothes (because i guess your parents are quite restrictive about what they let you wear right now) get your bearings and congratulations you've escaped.
leave a note saying gone to uni and your parents won't be able to report you as a missing person. it goes without saying don't tell them where you plan on going so they can't find you.

Thank you so much for your reply and help, ill try and do what you said. Can i also ask if you know if the applications to student finance and to uni require any parental information/input? And if they do, any ways i can work around it? or does the independent student cover that on its own. Again thank you so much.
Original post by ageli
Thank you so much for your reply and help, ill try and do what you said. Can i also ask if you know if the applications to student finance and to uni require any parental information/input? And if they do, any ways i can work around it? or does the independent student cover that on its own. Again thank you so much.

the student finance is means tested and assumes parental support above a certain threshold. the independent student won't require parental details because your independent.

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