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sex with my girlfriend but saving till marriage (URGENT)

my girlfriend of 2 years has repeatedly asked if we could have sex but Im a bit hesitant because I did say I am saving myself until marriage but at the same time I really do love her and I want to do it with her but again I did say I would wait till marriage, so what should I even do?

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Reply 1
If she doesn't respect your choice, and you have told her several times, she doesn't respect you. Simple.
Reply 2
Get married? Personally though I’d go for it, what the heck
Is there a particular motivation for you saving yourself until marriage? Like a religious reason?
Original post by Anonymous
my girlfriend of 2 years has repeatedly asked if we could have sex but Im a bit hesitant because I did say I am saving myself until marriage but at the same time I really do love her and I want to do it with her but again I did say I would wait till marriage, so what should I even do?
I can understand why people wait for marriage but you've been together for 2 years - unless you have trust issues with one another or for religion reasons - I don't see why u can't.
If she starts guilt tripping you, pushing you or just doesnt respect your boundaries when you've made up your mind and said no - just walk away from the relationship
why r u with her if ur not serious abt it and wont marry her already then. its been 2 yrs so u can make ur decision to marry or leave.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
why r u with her if ur not serious abt it and wont marry her already then. its been 2 yrs so u can make ur decision to marry or leave.

Terrible advice. 2 years is not enough time to make the decision to marry them LOL
Original post by olid15
Terrible advice. 2 years is not enough time to make the decision to marry them LOL


search up on google "average dating time before marriage"

what the heck could change after 2 yrs. if they r both serious they can make it work. if their personalities didnt match they wouldnt have lasted 2 entire years. if they both feel they r the one for each other and have intentions of staying long term, they can get married. if they feel it hasnt been long enough due to their specific case then fair enough.
This is really a personal decision for you. The reason why you have decided not to have sex until marriage is relevant. If it's for religious reasons and you feel like you cannot reconcile your religion with having sex before marriage, then that is obviously something that could cause a problem for you personally. On the other hand, irrespective of where that belief comes from, you now find yourself in a relationship with someone who you love, who you have been going out with for an extended period of time, and who you would very much like to have sex with. I don't think there is anything wrong at all with reflecting on your own beliefs against that background and deciding to have sex with your girlfriend. In fact, I think that would be a positively healthy thing to do.

I will say that I think that deciding to save yourself until marriage is a flat out bad idea anyway. It is tied to outdated beliefs around virtue, purity and faithfulness. Not only is it not a bad thing to have sex with people other than the person that you marry, but it is often a good thing because it gives you insight into your own pleasure and experience of how pleasure works for other people. Far from being a sin, that is positive. Equally, sex is an important part of the vast majority of relationships, and sexual compatibility is something that you should really establish before you marry someone.

I am not saying that you cannot decide not to have sex before marriage. My view on such beliefs is just that; my view. But equally, as I say, I don't think it's wrong to reflect on any beliefs, and especially this one give the situation you now find yourself in. Sex is not bad or sinful, and having sex before marriage is not wrong. Sex is a lot of fun, and there really is nothing like having a good sex life with someone that you love. It's your decision, but there are plenty of good reasons why you might decide to have sex with your girlfriend here.
Original post by Anonymous
search up on google "average dating time before marriage"
what the heck could change after 2 yrs. if they r both serious they can make it work. if their personalities didnt match they wouldnt have lasted 2 entire years. if they both feel they r the one for each other and have intentions of staying long term, they can get married. if they feel it hasnt been long enough due to their specific case then fair enough.

They might be 14, for all you know...
Original post by black tea
They might be 14, for all you know...


in that specific case, they have other reasons other than marriage stopping them from having sex.
No religious reason or anything, was kinda hoping on losing my virginity to my future wife ya know? But yeah we’ll see what happens later. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t who knows
Original post by Anonymous
why r u with her if ur not serious abt it and wont marry her already then. its been 2 yrs so u can make ur decision to marry or leave.
Btw I’m only 18 so still pretty early to make a decision on marrying her or not but we shall see in the foreseeable future
Original post by Crazy Jamie
This is really a personal decision for you. The reason why you have decided not to have sex until marriage is relevant. If it's for religious reasons and you feel like you cannot reconcile your religion with having sex before marriage, then that is obviously something that could cause a problem for you personally. On the other hand, irrespective of where that belief comes from, you now find yourself in a relationship with someone who you love, who you have been going out with for an extended period of time, and who you would very much like to have sex with. I don't think there is anything wrong at all with reflecting on your own beliefs against that background and deciding to have sex with your girlfriend. In fact, I think that would be a positively healthy thing to do.
I will say that I think that deciding to save yourself until marriage is a flat out bad idea anyway. It is tied to outdated beliefs around virtue, purity and faithfulness. Not only is it not a bad thing to have sex with people other than the person that you marry, but it is often a good thing because it gives you insight into your own pleasure and experience of how pleasure works for other people. Far from being a sin, that is positive. Equally, sex is an important part of the vast majority of relationships, and sexual compatibility is something that you should really establish before you marry someone.
I am not saying that you cannot decide not to have sex before marriage. My view on such beliefs is just that; my view. But equally, as I say, I don't think it's wrong to reflect on any beliefs, and especially this one give the situation you now find yourself in. Sex is not bad or sinful, and having sex before marriage is not wrong. Sex is a lot of fun, and there really is nothing like having a good sex life with someone that you love. It's your decision, but there are plenty of good reasons why you might decide to have sex with your girlfriend here.

Yeah you’re right tbh, I appreciate the knowledge you passed onto me. I’ll probably to with her later or something about this whole ordeal then we shall see
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Is there a particular motivation for you saving yourself until marriage? Like a religious reason?

No religious reason or anything, was kinda hoping onlosing my virginity to my future wife ya know? Butyeah we’ll see what happens later. Maybe I will,maybe I won’t who knows
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah you’re right tbh, I appreciate the knowledge you passed onto me. I’ll probably to with her later or something about this whole ordeal then we shall see

I’ll probably talk with her later*
Original post by Anonymous
No religious reason or anything, was kinda hoping on losing my virginity to my future wife ya know? But yeah we’ll see what happens later. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t who knows

I appreciate I have already given advice on this and you're taking that on board, but just a word on this. I do understand why you'd want to lose your virginity to your future wife. Losing your virginity is a special event, and it makes perfect sense why you would want to share that with your future wife. But actually that works better in theory than it does in practice. Society places far too high a value on the act of losing your virginity. I'm not saying it's not important, but it is just the first time you do something that you're likely to do a lot more. And much like the first time you do anything, you're going to get better at doing it the more you do it. In fact, whilst it's symbolically important and special, it's not likely to be very good sex. Because you don't know what you're doing. It does take a while to become 'good' at sex, and it takes a while to become in tune with a particular partner, because everyone likes different things. To my mind, it's a much better use of time to have sex with your girlfriend now, so that by the time you come to get married you will hopefully have a satisfying sex life.
Original post by Crazy Jamie
I appreciate I have already given advice on this and you're taking that on board, but just a word on this. I do understand why you'd want to lose your virginity to your future wife. Losing your virginity is a special event, and it makes perfect sense why you would want to share that with your future wife. But actually that works better in theory than it does in practice. Society places far too high a value on the act of losing your virginity. I'm not saying it's not important, but it is just the first time you do something that you're likely to do a lot more. And much like the first time you do anything, you're going to get better at doing it the more you do it. In fact, whilst it's symbolically important and special, it's not likely to be very good sex. Because you don't know what you're doing. It does take a while to become 'good' at sex, and it takes a while to become in tune with a particular partner, because everyone likes different things. To my mind, it's a much better use of time to have sex with your girlfriend now, so that by the time you come to get married you will hopefully have a satisfying sex life.
Bro you must be a guru or something. Honestly, I didn’t really think of it in that way to be honest (surprisingly) but yeah it does seem logical and I do want to please my future wife in the sheets ykyk but again, I appreciate your wisdom brother it was actually pretty helpful; your pretty goated brother - keep it up👍👍 but yeah I’ll see try and talk to her to see what happens but yeah I appreciate it a lot 👍💯
Original post by Crazy Jamie
I appreciate I have already given advice on this and you're taking that on board, but just a word on this. I do understand why you'd want to lose your virginity to your future wife. Losing your virginity is a special event, and it makes perfect sense why you would want to share that with your future wife. But actually that works better in theory than it does in practice. Society places far too high a value on the act of losing your virginity. I'm not saying it's not important, but it is just the first time you do something that you're likely to do a lot more. And much like the first time you do anything, you're going to get better at doing it the more you do it. In fact, whilst it's symbolically important and special, it's not likely to be very good sex. Because you don't know what you're doing. It does take a while to become 'good' at sex, and it takes a while to become in tune with a particular partner, because everyone likes different things. To my mind, it's a much better use of time to have sex with your girlfriend now, so that by the time you come to get married you will hopefully have a satisfying sex life.

PRSOM!
Original post by Crazy Jamie
This is really a personal decision for you. The reason why you have decided not to have sex until marriage is relevant. If it's for religious reasons and you feel like you cannot reconcile your religion with having sex before marriage, then that is obviously something that could cause a problem for you personally. On the other hand, irrespective of where that belief comes from, you now find yourself in a relationship with someone who you love, who you have been going out with for an extended period of time, and who you would very much like to have sex with. I don't think there is anything wrong at all with reflecting on your own beliefs against that background and deciding to have sex with your girlfriend. In fact, I think that would be a positively healthy thing to do.
I will say that I think that deciding to save yourself until marriage is a flat out bad idea anyway. It is tied to outdated beliefs around virtue, purity and faithfulness. Not only is it not a bad thing to have sex with people other than the person that you marry, but it is often a good thing because it gives you insight into your own pleasure and experience of how pleasure works for other people. Far from being a sin, that is positive. Equally, sex is an important part of the vast majority of relationships, and sexual compatibility is something that you should really establish before you marry someone.
I am not saying that you cannot decide not to have sex before marriage. My view on such beliefs is just that; my view. But equally, as I say, I don't think it's wrong to reflect on any beliefs, and especially this one give the situation you now find yourself in. Sex is not bad or sinful, and having sex before marriage is not wrong. Sex is a lot of fun, and there really is nothing like having a good sex life with someone that you love. It's your decision, but there are plenty of good reasons why you might decide to have sex with your girlfriend here.

In certain religions it is against. I'd actually appreciate and admire a guy who wants to wait and isn't a player with possible STDs. Shows self control and commitment instead of acting on impulse giving into peer pressure.

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