Struggle to keep in touch

I really struggle with keeping in touch with huge amounts of people. I feel gutted whenever I see some people I know follow some old friends which I've not followed on social media. I like to keep things simple I guess, and have to keep up with a lot of people - I just find tiring...not in a rude way.

I also have a lot of trust issues too, something I've really struggled with in terms of friendships.

Any thoughts

Reply 1

carbon1k

im the same . it might be better to try find a handful of friends that you keep close, instead of trying to keep in touch with many

Reply 2

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

This is perfectly normal. As life goes on you meet more people. It's not practical to keep in contact with even a relatively small number of them. But you don't need to in order to maintain friendships. There are some friendships where you will see or contact others very regularly. But there are others where you will do so less often, or there will be gaps, sometimes months or years, where you don't speak. That becomes more common as you get older, friends move away, you get involved in relationships, get married and have kids, get involved in your career or other interests etc. These things all make it more difficult to remain in regularly contact with friends. Some friendships drift or end as a result, and that's fine. You'll make others, and some will survive that. But you will not have the time to maintain regular contact with everyone, so you shouldn't feel guilty about that. I have friends that for whatever reason I see every two or three years. I have others that I message reasonably regularly, but this is all so variable. And importantly, you cannot compare yourself to others in this regard. Everyone is different and everyone has different lives with different variables and different connections to others. Whilst it's natural to be envious and social media positively encourages it, nothing good ever comes of it, and the one thing you always miss when comparing yourself to others is the negative aspects of their lives that you are likely not aware of, because people usually aren't open about those aspects. Your own wellbeing and happiness is the most important thing. Prioritise the friendships that make you happy. Don't worry about the expectations of others.

Reply 3

Albert_burdett

Original post by Anonymous

I really struggle with keeping in touch with huge amounts of people. I feel gutted whenever I see some people I know follow some old friends which I've not followed on social media. I like to keep things simple I guess, and have to keep up with a lot of people - I just find tiring...not in a rude way.
I also have a lot of trust issues too, something I've really struggled with in terms of friendships.
Any thoughts

Everyone is on their own path in life, don’t feel guilty for taking yours. Everyone feels the same as you do right now, we’re all human.

Reply 4

MDB512024

If I may ask please, what is it that caused your trust issues to surface ( it is perfectly understandable if you do not want to answer that question as not many people feel comfortable talking about it ), I think 1 thing that might help would be trying to workout what caused those issues to occur and possibly workout ways to deal with them.

We've all had occasions where trust issues come to the surface ( certainly I have before now ) but at some point they do need to be addressed and dealt with ( advice I was given during counselling sessions in 2012 / 13 ). It is not easy to do and believe me it will take time but it can be done ( I'm still in the process of addressing my issues even now, 11 years after those sessions ).

The crucial factor here is once you know what caused the issues ( unless you already know ) is to take your time in addressing them and working out the solutions to deal with them, an example could be if you heped somebody with problem they had and basically threw it back in your face, that would certainly be a major red light to me which would result in me deciding not to offer help to that person anymore, that kind of thing. I might be wrong and if I am my apologies but that's hw I see it.

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