how to comfort friend

hey
this morning a friend's dad passed away, we're only 16 so this is obviously really sad. i haven't seen her in person today, but will on thursday, how best should i comfort her because this was so sudden and sad and i feel so bad for her

Reply 1

Muttly

Original post by Anonymous

Initially acknowledge that you are so sorry to hear about her Dad - with genuine sympathy. Then deal with your meeting in a matter of fact way as if the death of her Dad hadn't happened. Decide where you want to go, what you want to do etc. Don't assume she will want to talk all about her Dad, and the circumstances, the funeral etc. She may want to meet you to regain a feeling of 'normality' and may not wish to talk about her huge loss at all. There are no rules. It's ok to laugh, to have a good time and the next minute for your friend to be in tears. Go with the flow and just be there for her without any expectations. This is her grieving journey.

If your friend does want to talk about her loss, just let her talk. Don't interrupt. Listen and acknowledge the enormity of her emotional pain and of all of the difficulties of dealing with this. You cannot advise, or suggest, best only to listen. Be there with her and to try and understand. Be careful of judging her comments - which may be made in the face of extreme emotional pain. Sometimes people can say the most outrageous awful things about others in the heat of the moment. Those emotional outbursts can be the grief driven brain offloading and shedding the pain they feel but not necessarily how they feel about others all the time.

It doesn't need special counselling skills, or training to just listen and talk with her.
The worst is that often people cross over the road or run a mile to avoid having a face to face meeting with someone recently bereaved. Maintain your contact and your support through laughter and love, pain and grief. There are no special rules when someone is grieving. Everyone copes uniquely and differently. Some people are very resilient, and others struggle to cope.