The Student Room Group

Marriage

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to come on here and ask that basically I am 18, turning 19 and I am Pakistani, Muslim. My mum has found someone for me to get an arranged marriage with and I am not so keen at all. I feel like I do not have the maturity for it at all, and I am in no interest of getting married at all and she will refuse to understand and is asking me to kind off put my education on hold which I am very upset about.

I am not a big fan of the guy because nothing aligns between us and I just do not like him but she keeps manipulating and trying to convince me into this. His family are trying to bribe me with gifts and being lovely and kind and I am kind of stuck.

My dad has said that if I say no, it is a no but my mum has been moody with both of us recently and I am very unsure what to do.

Although I am not AS religious, I have prayed and for me I keep getting a negative feeling but for everyone else it seems to be going so well and my mum keeps saying shes getting good signs along with the guys family.

I have tried speaking with her, my sister has tried and there is no making her understand because she loves this family.

Is there any prayer, anything I could say or do to just stop this from happening??

There is also no other guys in the picture on my end, but I would really like to find someone on my own account and she said she will never let that happen. I also cannot openly discuss stuff like this with my dad so please please please someone help me!

Thank you in advance xx
Reply 1
If you don't consent it's a forced marriage,not an arranged marriage, and that's illegal in the UK:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/forced-marriage#:~:text=Forced%20marriage%20is%20illegal%20in,physical%20violence%20or%20sexual%20violence

Keep.your dad and sister onside and you're going to have a family meeting where you sit and try getting your mum to change her mind. If not, there's your options above. Do you live at home? What are the consequences of a no to your mum, eg emotionally, financially?
Original post by Surnia
If you don't consent it's a forced marriage,not an arranged marriage, and that's illegal in the UK:
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/forced-marriage#:~:text=Forced%20marriage%20is%20illegal%20in,physical%20violence%20or%20sexual%20violence
Keep.your dad and sister onside and you're going to have a family meeting where you sit and try getting your mum to change her mind. If not, there's your options above. Do you live at home? What are the consequences of a no to your mum, eg emotionally, financially?


Those are great points. Another point you can make is that in Islam, a marriage is invalid if it is forced. For the nikkah to be considered valid, both the bride and groom need to be completely free to consent and should not be coerced into the marriage. What your mother is doing is not islamically correct at all. I'd suggest staying firm with your opinion of saying no. Also, remind her that education is a right, after all, the prophet Muhammed (SAW) has said that it is a duty of all Muslims to seek knowledge.
Reply 3
Original post by Surnia
If you don't consent it's a forced marriage,not an arranged marriage, and that's illegal in the UK:
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/forced-marriage#:~:text=Forced%20marriage%20is%20illegal%20in,physical%20violence%20or%20sexual%20violence
Keep.your dad and sister onside and you're going to have a family meeting where you sit and try getting your mum to change her mind. If not, there's your options above. Do you live at home? What are the consequences of a no to your mum, eg emotionally, financially?

Hi,
I will try talking to her with my family on the weekend, along with my Grandma because she is very angry as well with my mother right now.
I do live at home and I don't think she will do anything crazy apart from just be hella mad with all of us because nobody has agreed with her.

My dad has spoken to me this morning and that he just said my mum has my best interests in mind and this is the first time she has acted like this and he has also said he will never let it happen so I think it will work out fine for now.

Thank you xx
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Those are great points. Another point you can make is that in Islam, a marriage is invalid if it is forced. For the nikkah to be considered valid, both the bride and groom need to be completely free to consent and should not be coerced into the marriage. What your mother is doing is not islamically correct at all. I'd suggest staying firm with your opinion of saying no. Also, remind her that education is a right, after all, the prophet Muhammed (SAW) has said that it is a duty of all Muslims to seek knowledge.

Yes, I agree with you. I will try bring this up as well. I think she is very blindsided right now but I will make a point to bring this up.
Thank you x

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