Fun activities to do sober and alone

Yes it’s another thread about how much I drink and there’ll probably be more. This is just a long rant which I’m entitled to post on my own account.

Since a pretty dire incident where I got belligerently drunk at a dinner and after a lively political debate went home, couldn’t find my house key and while I was looking for it fell asleep on the steps to the gate of my house, woke up, went inside to be sick, threw up for an hour then fell asleep again with my face on the toilet seat, I’ve been pretty successfully cutting back how much I drink.

I’m at home now so I’d usually have one drink with my family, then when they go to bed I’m kinda just sat there bored and idk what to do so obviously I want to drink more. At the minute I’m aiming for 2 units of alcohol a day maximum but after that I still feel completely sober and either just end up going to bed and lying there for ages or having more drinks.

When I was at uni I was having about 6-8 units of alcohol a day (the actual amount hasn’t gone up I just wasn’t measuring and it turns out what I thought was 100-150ml was actually more like 150-200ml) and I felt happier then. If I stop drinking, I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever feel happy again, which isn’t normal, but it’s where I’m at. So I guess it’s just a case of pushing through sober misery and boredom everyday or deciding to keep on drinking as much as I want and accepting the health consequences.

I try to watch shows I like or read or just sit in the garden and look at the sea or go to bed when my family do but when I’m sober I can’t sleep and don’t find anything particularly entertaining. And I have no friends and no real hobbies (other than drinking) so I’m out of ideas of things to do sober.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

It's really good to see that you've seen the need to cut back
Have you tried sport? Of any kind? Going to the gym? Joining a random club around you?Listening to podcasts or white noise as you go to sleep? Art like drawing painting or pottery? You said you like reading - join a book club? Going for walks? Singing? Retail therapy? Spend time in the library? Study for something you enjoy? These are just some ideas you might not like any of them
You need to find something that you genuinely enjoy and stick to it. Personally I do sport every single day because I love it so much - hockey and climbing because they're easy access
Wishing you the best! <3

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

I went to university and I do not drink, I am completely sober. I think the best thing to do is join clubs and find new things/hobies that you are interested in

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I went to university and I do not drink, I am completely sober. I think the best thing to do is join clubs and find new things/hobies that you are interested in

Too socially awkward to join clubs, I’m looking for things to do that don’t involve other people

Reply 4

black tea

19

Do something with your hands to keep yourself occupied - knitting, cross stitch, drawing, colouring, playing an instrument. I have found things like this a lot more absorbing than reading or watching shows.

Reply 5

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

20

Original post by Anonymous

Too socially awkward to join clubs, I’m looking for things to do that don’t involve other people

Are you genuinely awkward or do you feel that way because you don't have the prop of alcohol to give you (false) confidence?

Why not kill too birds with one stone and do activities where you can learn to interact with people? Won't you need social interaction in a job?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Surnia

Are you genuinely awkward or do you feel that way because you don't have the prop of alcohol to give you (false) confidence?
Why not kill too birds with one stone and do activities where you can learn to interact with people? Won't you need social interaction in a job?

I’ve tried to interact with people. I don’t connect/click with people and I give off a strange vibe that people can’t pin down but know that they don’t like. Even when I’m super chatty and friendly with people they always decide they don’t like me and just let the conversation go dead until I get the message and give up. I’ll be able to do the amount of interacting that’s necessary for a job because they’ll also be having to put up with me and won’t have the option of just openly refusing to interact with me.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Outdoor Activities:

1.

Go for a walk or hike: Explore nature, get some exercise, and enjoy the fresh air.

2.

Have a picnic: Pack a basket with your favorite foods and head to a nearby park or scenic spot.

3.

Try solo photography: Take your camera or phone and capture the beauty of nature or cityscapes.

4.

Go cycling: Rent a bike and ride through a nearby trail or around your neighborhood.

5.

Practice yoga or meditation: Find a quiet spot and focus on your breath and body.

Indoor Activities:

1.

Read a book: Get lost in a good story or learn something new from a non-fiction book.

2.

Learn a new skill: Watch tutorials or online courses on a topic that interests you, like cooking, coding, or painting.

3.

Play video games: Challenge yourself with solo games or play online multiplayer games with other players.

4.

Practice a musical instrument: Dust off that old instrument and practice playing or sing along to your favorite songs.

5.

Do a puzzle or play solitaire: Challenge yourself with crosswords, Sudoku, or card games.

Creative Activities:

1.

Write in a journal: Reflect on your thoughts, goals, and experiences.

2.

Draw or paint: Express yourself through art, even if you're not a skilled artist.

3.

Cook or bake: Try out a new recipe or experiment with different flavors and ingredients.

4.

Knit or crochet: Create something cozy and useful, like a scarf or hat.

5.

Write poetry or short stories: Let your imagination run wild and create something new.

Relaxation Activities:

1.

Take a relaxing bath: Add some bubbles, essential oils, or music to create a calming atmosphere.

2.

Listen to music or podcasts: Discover new artists, genres, or shows.

3.

Practice gentle stretches or yoga: Release tension and relax your muscles.

4.

Take a power nap: Recharge with a short snooze.

5.

Watch a movie or TV show: Catch up on your favorite series or watch a new film.

I usually read or watch shows in the evenings and go running/walking in the day and I’m trying to learn to crochet but all of those are much more fun when I’m drinking

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by black tea

Do something with your hands to keep yourself occupied - knitting, cross stitch, drawing, colouring, playing an instrument. I have found things like this a lot more absorbing than reading or watching shows.

I’m trying to learn to crochet, I just struggle to remember to do it and get the motivation to practice

Reply 9

black tea

19

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve tried to interact with people. I don’t connect/click with people and I give off a strange vibe that people can’t pin down but know that they don’t like. Even when I’m super chatty and friendly with people they always decide they don’t like me and just let the conversation go dead until I get the message and give up. I’ll be able to do the amount of interacting that’s necessary for a job because they’ll also be having to put up with me and won’t have the option of just openly refusing to interact with me.

They can not employ you in the first place though... You are studying in a field with people who are the definition of "people" people. You are going to struggle if you can't make a good impression and be likeable (speaking as someone working in a similar field who has had a to make a huge effort over the years to learn to interact in people in order to get anywhere).

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by black tea

They can not employ you in the first place though... You are studying in a field with people who are the definition of "people" people. You are going to struggle if you can't make a good impression and be likeable (speaking as someone working in a similar field who has had a to make a huge effort over the years to learn to interact in people in order to get anywhere).

🤷🏻*♀️🤷🏻*♀️🤷🏻*♀️ I’ve tried and I’m still trying. There’s not much I can do about it as it’s a vibe I naturally give off and always have

Reply 11

black tea

19

Original post by Anonymous

🤷🏻*♀️🤷🏻*♀️🤷🏻*♀️ I’ve tried and I’m still trying. There’s not much I can do about it as it’s a vibe I naturally give off and always have

Therapy might help with that. But I doubt you would be up for it.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by black tea

Therapy might help with that. But I doubt you would be up for it.

I doubt it would help, I’m not stupid, I can find the advice they’d give me online or come up with it myself. And a therapist isn’t going to change the way other people see me, just tell me to KeEp On TrYiNg and other patronising “advice”

Reply 13

black tea

19

Original post by Anonymous

I doubt it would help, I’m not stupid, I can find the advice they’d give me online or come up with it myself. And a therapist isn’t going to change the way other people see me, just tell me to KeEp On TrYiNg and other patronising “advice”

I should have been more specific - psychodynamic psychotherapy, not CBT or other coping skills type advice you can find online (though those also have their place). I can see how it might be helpful in finding out why you act in ways that push other people away.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by black tea

I should have been more specific - psychodynamic psychotherapy, not CBT or other coping skills type advice you can find online (though those also have their place). I can see how it might be helpful in finding out why you act in ways that push other people away.

I don’t act in ways that push people away, it’s just a natural vibe/aura, it’s not something I’m doing, just a vibe I give off. And I don’t have any trauma or anything that therapy would be needed for. If I sat down with a therapist they’d tell me stop drinking so much and join clubs to make friends

Reply 15

black tea

19

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t act in ways that push people away, it’s just a natural vibe/aura, it’s not something I’m doing, just a vibe I give off. And I don’t have any trauma or anything that therapy would be needed for. If I sat down with a therapist they’d tell me stop drinking so much and join clubs to make friends

The vibe/aura is something that comes out of something you do, consciously or subconsciously. You might not see what it is, but it might be much more obvious to others, especially an experienced therapist. I spent a few weeks in a psychotherapy department during my degree, and the stuff that people had no insight into that was contributing to their difficulties was so obvious to even me, with no therapy training, it was wild. Whether or not people are receptive to listening to feedback from the therapist and act on it as a whole other matter, of course...

You might not have have had any significant trauma but you quite clearly have issues and unhealthy coping mechanisms and defensive mechanisms (you trying to guess what a therapists would say to convince yourself you don't need them is one of those).

(edited 12 months ago)

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by black tea

The vibe/aura is something that comes out of something you do, consciously or subconsciously. You might not see what it is, but it might be much more obvious to others, especially an experienced therapist. I spent a few weeks in a psychotherapy department during my degree, and the stuff that people had no insight into that was contributing to their difficulties was so obvious to even me, with no therapy training, it was wild. Whether or not people are receptive to listening to feedback from the therapist and act on it as a whole other matter, of course...
You might not have have had any significant trauma but you quite clearly have issues and unhealthy coping mechanisms and defensive mechanisms (you are trying to guess what a therapists would say to convince yourself you don't need them is one of those).

I’ve given off the weird vibe my entire life and no one has ever pointed it out, and seeing as I got everything from my ugly glasses to my “weird walk” pointed out in school, I’m sure if I was doing anything glaringly weird that could be put into words, at least one person would have said it to my face by now. It’s just a vibe, not something I’m doing.

Reply 17

black tea

19

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve given off the weird vibe my entire life and no one has ever pointed it out, and seeing as I got everything from my ugly glasses to my “weird walk” pointed out in school, I’m sure if I was doing anything glaringly weird that could be put into words, at least one person would have said it to my face by now. It’s just a vibe, not something I’m doing.

I'm not sure school children are best placed to work out why you are giving off a weird vibe :rolleyes:

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by black tea

I'm not sure school children are best placed to work out why you are giving off a weird vibe :rolleyes:

My point was just that if it was something I was doing that was obvious or could be put into words, at least one person would have said it to my face before. I’m not doing anything weird and I’m way less whiny in real life and go out of my way to make an effort with people and they still pick up the vibe and don’t click/connect with me. That’s not anything I’m doing, it’s just the way things are and I’m moving to accept that rather than stressing over what I’m doing wrong when the answer is that I’m not doing anything wrong or that I could change, I’m literally just existing.

Reply 19

black tea

19

Original post by Anonymous

My point was just that if it was something I was doing that was obvious or could be put into words, at least one person would have said it to my face before. I’m not doing anything weird and I’m way less whiny in real life and go out of my way to make an effort with people and they still pick up the vibe and don’t click/connect with me. That’s not anything I’m doing, it’s just the way things are and I’m moving to accept that rather than stressing over what I’m doing wrong when the answer is that I’m not doing anything wrong or that I could change, I’m literally just existing.

My point is that it's probably something very subtle rather than obvious, hence the suggestion that an experienced therapy (rather than a bully with a below average IQ...) might be able to help you work out what it is. If you don't want to change, that's totally fair enough. Didn't expect you to jump at the suggestion lol

(edited 12 months ago)

Fun activities to do sober and alone

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