being trans at uni?
hi, i didn't really want to vent on here but i don't have anywhere else i can talk about this sort of thing?
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
Reply 1
11
hi! I'm also a pre-everything trans dude (and very much do not look like a guy lmao, not helped by the fact I like wearing makeup) and I've just finished my second year at uni (kcl), I'm out to my family but they're less than supportive shall we say and I'm not in a position to start medically transitioning since I have nowhere to go if I get kicked out lol :// but hopefully I can help! 
When I started out at uni, initially I didn't come out because I didn't really have friends, I was nervous of how people would react (not that I thought they'd be actively transphobic but I think more to do with the fact they'd think I wasn't serious since I am pretty much zero steps into physically transitioning) and also ingrained paranoia about my parents finding out that I was out to people. It wasn't until almost a month in that I came out to someone for the first time - in that instance it helped because I knew they were gay and so I felt more comfortable being open about it - and I slowly started to introduce myself by my name not my deadname. I didn't actually come out to my closest friends until around December and since then I've pretty much settled into it with introducing myself not by my deadname (except with lecturers)
In my experience, I haven't had any issues! Occasionally I have doubts that my friends really 'believe' me, but they've never given any reason for me to think that and they're very good with my name and pronouns, even a guy who I don't think fully got it still checked who I'd be happy for him to introduce me to as a guy. I think it helps though that a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ as well including one very close friend who is also a trans guy and several who are non-binary so I never really feel alone in it as I know I have people I can talk to about it. Even though I'm not out to uni itself, I feel it wouldn't be a great issue if I was since many of the staff include their pronouns in their email signatures and quite a few wear the version of the lanyard that has pride flags on it - I know it could just be performative but it still reassures me.
This year I was finally able to buy a binder and started wearing pride badges on my lanyard, and I haven't had any issues with that either - in one case it did also lead to me being correctly gendered by a professor 😄 It's true that in most cases I still get read as a girl by people who don't know me, but everyone I've met has been really accepting of me introducing myself as a guy so I wouldn't worry about it too much!! 😊 Most unis will have a LGBTQ+ society as well (or several, I think in our case, not that I'm a member of any of them) but chances are you'll be able to make friends in whatever society you're interested in (I'm in the rock and metal society which in my experience has been very trans-friendly -- we also once teamed up with the Taylor Swift society for what we joked was a gayer event than the actual lgbtq society lmao)
I can't speak for nights out since I'm not really into that kind of thing, and similarly I'm not on the NHS waiting list yet. I do have a friend/acquaintance who is on oestrogen and I believe she was getting it privately from a gender clinic in London. Otherwise most of my friends are pre-transition because of family situations and/or cost tbh.
anyway, I hope this helps!!
When I started out at uni, initially I didn't come out because I didn't really have friends, I was nervous of how people would react (not that I thought they'd be actively transphobic but I think more to do with the fact they'd think I wasn't serious since I am pretty much zero steps into physically transitioning) and also ingrained paranoia about my parents finding out that I was out to people. It wasn't until almost a month in that I came out to someone for the first time - in that instance it helped because I knew they were gay and so I felt more comfortable being open about it - and I slowly started to introduce myself by my name not my deadname. I didn't actually come out to my closest friends until around December and since then I've pretty much settled into it with introducing myself not by my deadname (except with lecturers)
In my experience, I haven't had any issues! Occasionally I have doubts that my friends really 'believe' me, but they've never given any reason for me to think that and they're very good with my name and pronouns, even a guy who I don't think fully got it still checked who I'd be happy for him to introduce me to as a guy. I think it helps though that a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ as well including one very close friend who is also a trans guy and several who are non-binary so I never really feel alone in it as I know I have people I can talk to about it. Even though I'm not out to uni itself, I feel it wouldn't be a great issue if I was since many of the staff include their pronouns in their email signatures and quite a few wear the version of the lanyard that has pride flags on it - I know it could just be performative but it still reassures me.
This year I was finally able to buy a binder and started wearing pride badges on my lanyard, and I haven't had any issues with that either - in one case it did also lead to me being correctly gendered by a professor 😄 It's true that in most cases I still get read as a girl by people who don't know me, but everyone I've met has been really accepting of me introducing myself as a guy so I wouldn't worry about it too much!! 😊 Most unis will have a LGBTQ+ society as well (or several, I think in our case, not that I'm a member of any of them) but chances are you'll be able to make friends in whatever society you're interested in
(I'm in the rock and metal society which in my experience has been very trans-friendly -- we also once teamed up with the Taylor Swift society for what we joked was a gayer event than the actual lgbtq society lmao) I can't speak for nights out since I'm not really into that kind of thing, and similarly I'm not on the NHS waiting list yet. I do have a friend/acquaintance who is on oestrogen and I believe she was getting it privately from a gender clinic in London. Otherwise most of my friends are pre-transition because of family situations and/or cost tbh.
anyway, I hope this helps!!
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 2
thank you so much for your help😊
Reply 3
hii sorry i'm not trans and cannot relate to you nor give you advice/opinions but i just wanted to wholeheartedly wish you luck in university , i hope you find people in your course/uni in general who see and accept you for who you are !!
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
hii sorry i'm not trans and cannot relate to you nor give you advice/opinions but i just wanted to wholeheartedly wish you luck in university , i hope you find people in your course/uni in general who see and accept you for who you are !!
thank you so much, it means a lot!😊
Original post by Anonymous
hi, i didn't really want to vent on here but i don't have anywhere else i can talk about this sort of thing?
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
Hey there!
Coventry University student ambassador here!
I am not personally in this situation, however I have a close friend that is. In my experience, the majority of people tend to be more mature at university and even supportive. My friend found that changing environments and starting off as a "clean slate" helped her accommodate better, since she could now build herself without any previous prejudices from people that already knew her.
There is however a bit of a downside, but this depends on whether you see it as a downside or not, at university there may be more people coming from diverse backgrounds, international students, who have not been exposed to this at all, and they may struggle to respect your pronouns and such, either because of language barrier, or simply because they don't register what you want to be called from the beginning.
Overall though, uni is the perfect place to come out of your shell, most unis have societies/clubs dedicated to this, with people just like you to meet and socialize!
That being said, I believe it's a matter of how you see yourself, and that will dictate how others perceive you as well. Be confident in all you do and believe in yourself, and your cause (this really is applicable to anyone, not just trans people)!
In my experience, I used to be scared and anxious all the time, but I always went out of my comfort zone and kept volunteering, attending events, and being very active during classes, which lead to people perceiving me as confident, and out-going, so that made it so much easier to make friends form all sorts of backgrounds, and kickstart my social life at uni, because since I was an international student, I had NO friends at the beginning.
I cannot lie, I did feel lonely at the beginning, it will be hard once you initially move somewhere else, but my most useful advice is to not limit yourself, approach people on your own, look outside your cohort, maybe even at a potential job, join societies, and don't be afraid to do things by yourself (such as going to the cinema, shopping, or to a restaurant). By going out of my comfort zone, and doing these new things I became actually confident, and didn't have to pretend anymore. Sometimes "fake it 'till you make it" really works.
Hope this helps!
Kind Regards,
Bianca (BSc Aviation Management)
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
hi, i didn't really want to vent on here but i don't have anywhere else i can talk about this sort of thing?
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
hi! i'm a (2 months on t) trans guy starting uni in september.
honestly universities from what i've seen thus far are generally very inclusive - some subject talks i went to even explicitly talked about trans people/experiences and the way gender interacts with the subject. some unis (swansea i think) even had trans flags flying above the university upon entering. however i would recommend visiting in open days to get a feel - there were some unis i visited where i didn't feel very comfortable as a trans person and others where i saw lots of gnc people and felt very welcomed. but in almost all unis there are lgbtq societies and honestly i wouldn't worry too much about it.
what i will say is that throughout year 13 (having applied on ucas with my deadname) i got a LOT of post from unis with my deadname on despite stating my preferred name.
as to your question about t - i started t two months ago using gendergp. it costs me roughly £80 per month now (£50 for tgel, £30 subscription) but at the start there was a larger cost for just upfront fee and also the starting sessions, probably around £200. i know a lot of people using ggp nowadays aren't very happy with them - i believe the system now has a lot of ai involved and people have had problems with communication - but my experience with it has been positive. i did my first form to start in january and started early may and it was fairly easy. i'm using savings to pay for it right now and hopefully will use money from a summer job to pay for the future, but for me it's probably only going to be for a year.
i hope this helped a bit
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
hi, i didn't really want to vent on here but i don't have anywhere else i can talk about this sort of thing?
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
i'm in year 12 and im a pre-t pre-everything trans guy. whilst i'm out to my friends at school (and theyre all really supportive), i am worrying more and more that this safe environment wont be maintained at university.
im applying to all russel group unis (undecided on which...but prob ucl, bristol, manchester...maybe cambridge?) and i know that unis have a reputation for being generally left-wing institutions anyway...but i am so nervous about having to introduce myself to people as a guy when i do not look like one at all. ive also got a serious case of babyface lmaooo which doesn't help...
adding to that, i'm not out to my family or even my teachers at school so the only time i feel recognised is when im with my friends. so im scared uni is going to be really lonely as well. also not sure how going on nights-out will work out just because i...look the way i do? and am the way i am?
can any trans guys at uni weigh in on their opinions of what it's like? and also the nhs waiting lists for medical transition are obviously so long, so if you're on T/oestrogen/etc., did you wait or did you go private? how can you not go broke lmaooo
Im not trying to be rude at all I support trans rights! 🙂 But I assume that if either Labour or Reform wins the election they will ban reassignment surgery and prevent unis from viewing you as a male due to legality. Overall just be yourslelf and others will love you for it. Maybe send an email to your uni with your preffered pronouns, i know gender dysphoria can be hard but try not to focus on your looks and focus on having fun and being the best version of yourself!
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