The Student Room Group

I feel like my friend is the reason I can't be social

I'm in year 12 right now and I joined a new school for sixth form. At the beginning of the year I made friends with another new girl and hung out with her a bit. She's very sweet but isn't popular with other people in our year. She can be quite socially unaware and doesn't seem to realise when people are laughing at her vs with her. And honestly I find her sense of humour quite embarrassing. To top things off she also has a pretty annoying and loud voice. But despite all these things she is very innocent and doesn't have a malicious bone in her body.

I first noticed issues in the beginning of the year when people would be talking she would go up to them to ask what they were talking about which often came across as quite nosy. After that I generally felt uncomfortable being with her around other people since sometimes people would make jabs at her and she wouldn't notice or she would say something embarrassing and I would get weird looks with her. As a result I started avoiding being around other people in her company. This has led to other people constantly associating me with her and we have become quite socially isolated from the rest of the school. If I genuinely got along with her this would be fine but we are quite different in a lot of ways and I don't think we are very compatible as friends. The problem is I struggle to talk to other people in our year since they all associate me with her. But unfortunately she is in 2 out of 3 of my classes and always sits next to me. This means we are often paired up for tasks and I don't get to interact with many other people.

I just want the opportunity to make different friends without constantly getting second hand embarrassment from her. I don't want to hurt her either though since she doesn't do any of these things intentionally. Any advice?

Reply 1

Original post by Anonymous
I'm in year 12 right now and I joined a new school for sixth form. At the beginning of the year I made friends with another new girl and hung out with her a bit. She's very sweet but isn't popular with other people in our year. She can be quite socially unaware and doesn't seem to realise when people are laughing at her vs with her. And honestly I find her sense of humour quite embarrassing. To top things off she also has a pretty annoying and loud voice. But despite all these things she is very innocent and doesn't have a malicious bone in her body.
I first noticed issues in the beginning of the year when people would be talking she would go up to them to ask what they were talking about which often came across as quite nosy. After that I generally felt uncomfortable being with her around other people since sometimes people would make jabs at her and she wouldn't notice or she would say something embarrassing and I would get weird looks with her. As a result I started avoiding being around other people in her company. This has led to other people constantly associating me with her and we have become quite socially isolated from the rest of the school. If I genuinely got along with her this would be fine but we are quite different in a lot of ways and I don't think we are very compatible as friends. The problem is I struggle to talk to other people in our year since they all associate me with her. But unfortunately she is in 2 out of 3 of my classes and always sits next to me. This means we are often paired up for tasks and I don't get to interact with many other people.
I just want the opportunity to make different friends without constantly getting second hand embarrassment from her. I don't want to hurt her either though since she doesn't do any of these things intentionally. Any advice?

Please do not stay in any friendship you feel are draining or exhausting it is better for both parties involved. One persons behaviour shouldn’t impact on your ability to make friends try and put yourself out there more after you defriend her. When you break friendship with her it would be really good if you explain specifically all the problems you have had but reiterate that it is no fault of the person you’re just not compatible as people . As you wouldn’t want this person to become insecure and hide their true personality. However this could also be a growing moment for them. In general the friendships you make in sixth form are unimportant as you will all likely be going to different unis sos please try you best to enjoy year 12 as year 13 is stressful and not as fun

Reply 2

Thats what I want to do but I don't have any other friends except this one guy that we both hang out with. If I break it off with her the whole dynamic would be really strained between all three of us.

Reply 3

Original post by Anonymous
I'm in year 12 right now and I joined a new school for sixth form. At the beginning of the year I made friends with another new girl and hung out with her a bit. She's very sweet but isn't popular with other people in our year. She can be quite socially unaware and doesn't seem to realise when people are laughing at her vs with her. And honestly I find her sense of humour quite embarrassing. To top things off she also has a pretty annoying and loud voice. But despite all these things she is very innocent and doesn't have a malicious bone in her body.
I first noticed issues in the beginning of the year when people would be talking she would go up to them to ask what they were talking about which often came across as quite nosy. After that I generally felt uncomfortable being with her around other people since sometimes people would make jabs at her and she wouldn't notice or she would say something embarrassing and I would get weird looks with her. As a result I started avoiding being around other people in her company. This has led to other people constantly associating me with her and we have become quite socially isolated from the rest of the school. If I genuinely got along with her this would be fine but we are quite different in a lot of ways and I don't think we are very compatible as friends. The problem is I struggle to talk to other people in our year since they all associate me with her. But unfortunately she is in 2 out of 3 of my classes and always sits next to me. This means we are often paired up for tasks and I don't get to interact with many other people.
I just want the opportunity to make different friends without constantly getting second hand embarrassment from her. I don't want to hurt her either though since she doesn't do any of these things intentionally. Any advice?

There are always different types of people in each friendship group. I don't think people are going to think you're exactly like her.

Reply 4

Original post by hairyswordsman
There are always different types of people in each friendship group. I don't think people are going to think you're exactly like her.

rather than thinking i'm exactly like her they constantly associate me with her. If i'm alone somewhere people start asking where she is or get our names mixed up.

Reply 5

Original post by Anonymous
rather than thinking i'm exactly like her they constantly associate me with her. If i'm alone somewhere people start asking where she is or get our names mixed up.

Unfortunate situation. the best I think you could do is somehow prove you're different from her. The suggestions above of leaving her just seem immoral, selfish and hard to justify.

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