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Gf can’t communicate well and gets angry

F/F early 20s

This is literally a last resort.

Everytime I try to communicate something, whether it’s something that was said or done that bothered me, I try my best to bring it up in a calm way. Just “when you said *** it made me feel ***”
If I have to apologise I do, when I know I’m feeling a bit extra sensitive I admit that and just say I need to get it off my chest so I can move on

But she immediately says no, she refuses to hear me out and tell me I’m too sensitive, to get over it, grow up, take a joke etc anything you can possibly think of as a bad reaction I’ve had it. She’ll swear, and just dismiss everything and say wtf and it’s so hurtful. It’s been nearly 8 months of this and she always tell me “there’s always something with you” and perhaps she’s right, bc I don’t feel calm, my nervous system isn’t calm because I know I can’t talk freely without an argument coming

Each time it happens I’m afraid I’m mentally checking out but I don’t want to be without her. I love her and been through a lot to just be with eachother. I just don’t know how to deal with such an angry and triggering partner when I myself am very sensitive and over thinker. When it’s good it’s good, but when it’s bad, it’s bad

We’re apart on the other side of the country for couple days and currently not on best of terms
Any advice other than the obvious break up would be great. Thank you
Reply 1
Practice detachment !

Take some time apart .. Enjoy your own company . If she values you , she will change her behavior
I do wonder if this relationship is a one-way street. Seems like your partner is using her anger to control your responses. I don't think a good relationship blossoms when you find yourself treading on eggshells. You need some self-respect. Perhaps these views are a bit much, but if you aren't feeling valued and that you're doing all the hard work and making all the apologies, then that is a relationship waiting to explode.
Reply 3
1) Did you do anything terrible like cheating?

2) Does she have terrible PMSing?

3) Do abu of you have any mental disorder? Like bipolarity, borderline, etc. Or something more normal like being neurodivergent?
(edited 7 months ago)
Reply 4
I know you said it's not what you want to receive as a suggestion, however, you cannot allow your girlfriend's behaviour to continue like this, my apologies for saying this but she is mentally ripping you to shreds and she's either got to stop or change her behaviour or you need to walk away asap.

Overthinking things can be dealt with, however, as I myself have discovered it takes a while to cope with and address it but in this casethe fact that she's just shutting you down quick smart and won't even talk about anything you ask her is a major red flag here. There's got to be a reason that she is behaving the way she is and depending on what the reason or reasons are, she would either have no problem talking about it or she'll just go completely quiet as though shutting herself in a shell in which case she's likely to have no intention of opening up and explaining herself as to why she does what she does but either way this behaviour is unacceptable and will inevitably lead to you calling time on your relationship.

I know you said you love and that's great. But, if that love is only 1 way then you really do need to question whether you have a future together. I also advise that you stand up to her and tell her that you will not stand for her mentally ripping you apart anymore and that if she refuses to help herself find our why she's behaving this way then you're done with her and there will be no 2nd chances but don't give in if she turns on the water works. Controlling degrading behaviour like this is unacceptable, cannot and should never ever be tolerated.

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