A-Levels, Relationships, and applying to Oxford - help?
Hello,
I'm in this situation and was hoping for some impartial advice.
There is this guy I like, who's a friend of a friend from primary school. These two go to an all-boys school that's a bit far from me, and I go to an all-girls one. We're all Year 12s.
I've been speaking to this guy for about >2 months, and I've absolutely fallen for him. I am pretty sure it goes both ways, because he's always very eager to talk to me, makes time for me, is affectionate with me unlike with others, and so on. We talk a lot at night because we're both pretty busy in the day.
Last night I mentioned an old friend who sought a lot of relationship advice and he mentioned that he wasn't interested in relationships until university. We both want to apply to Oxford coincidentally, so is this his plan? For both of us to get in and then we can take it further. Because we're so affectionate with each other that at this point, all we miss is the relationship status and the obvious "I love you" stuff. It gets close but we don't cross that line.
Do I want to cross the line? Well, I'd love it if he could make the next move. I really want to take things further!
I haven't tried to because I made all the moves in my last infatuation and the guy was just not interested in relationships with anyone at all - he was emotionally immature. But back to me and the guy I like, we haven't even met in person - we're busy! I might ask about next weekend though.
We're both high-performing students, but note my course is very competitive (20 applications per place!!!!!!!). Obviously I want to do everything I can to get in, because it's a wonderful and elite institution, and yes, I acknowledge the amount of conclusions I've jumped to. But I'm so confused!
My view is that I could never pause my personal life for my education. It seems like a matter of time management and prioritisation here. Maybe he feels like he's not up to it? I would have to agree, my weekdays are heavy, but my weekends are free. So just how do people hold down A-Levels and relationships?!
Thank you in advance!!
I'm in this situation and was hoping for some impartial advice.
There is this guy I like, who's a friend of a friend from primary school. These two go to an all-boys school that's a bit far from me, and I go to an all-girls one. We're all Year 12s.
I've been speaking to this guy for about >2 months, and I've absolutely fallen for him. I am pretty sure it goes both ways, because he's always very eager to talk to me, makes time for me, is affectionate with me unlike with others, and so on. We talk a lot at night because we're both pretty busy in the day.
Last night I mentioned an old friend who sought a lot of relationship advice and he mentioned that he wasn't interested in relationships until university. We both want to apply to Oxford coincidentally, so is this his plan? For both of us to get in and then we can take it further. Because we're so affectionate with each other that at this point, all we miss is the relationship status and the obvious "I love you" stuff. It gets close but we don't cross that line.
Do I want to cross the line? Well, I'd love it if he could make the next move. I really want to take things further!
I haven't tried to because I made all the moves in my last infatuation and the guy was just not interested in relationships with anyone at all - he was emotionally immature. But back to me and the guy I like, we haven't even met in person - we're busy! I might ask about next weekend though.
We're both high-performing students, but note my course is very competitive (20 applications per place!!!!!!!). Obviously I want to do everything I can to get in, because it's a wonderful and elite institution, and yes, I acknowledge the amount of conclusions I've jumped to. But I'm so confused!
My view is that I could never pause my personal life for my education. It seems like a matter of time management and prioritisation here. Maybe he feels like he's not up to it? I would have to agree, my weekdays are heavy, but my weekends are free. So just how do people hold down A-Levels and relationships?!
Thank you in advance!!
Reply 1
It would be foolish to base your educational choices on a relationship which may not endure. You haven't even met the man. At your age, infatuations are common, lasting relationships are not.
At the least, apply to different colleges.
It so happened that when I applied to Oxford so did my then partner. This was because we both wanted to go to Oxford and had nothing to do with our relationship. We each went to a different college, and had stopped dating by the time we started at Oxford. We hardly saw each other during our time at the university.
Please put your educational future first.
At the least, apply to different colleges.
It so happened that when I applied to Oxford so did my then partner. This was because we both wanted to go to Oxford and had nothing to do with our relationship. We each went to a different college, and had stopped dating by the time we started at Oxford. We hardly saw each other during our time at the university.
Please put your educational future first.
Reply 2
Original post by Stiffy Byng
It would be foolish to base your educational choices on a relationship which may not endure. You haven't even met the man. At your age, infatuations are common, lasting relationships are not.
At the least, apply to different colleges.
It so happened that when I applied to Oxford so did my then partner. This was because we both wanted to go to Oxford and had nothing to do with our relationship. We each went to a different college, and had stopped dating by the time we started at Oxford. We hardly saw each other during our time at the university.
Please put your educational future first.
At the least, apply to different colleges.
It so happened that when I applied to Oxford so did my then partner. This was because we both wanted to go to Oxford and had nothing to do with our relationship. We each went to a different college, and had stopped dating by the time we started at Oxford. We hardly saw each other during our time at the university.
Please put your educational future first.
Thank you for your response!
We both have very different college and course choices. Our applications are mutually exclusive. I'm all about Magdalen bar the fact they don't offer my course, whereas he's applying to Keble. My next favourite is Balliol.
It's a harsh truth to fathom. He's very intelligent and wonderful to talk to, which is the most attractive thing to me really (lucky me if I get into Oxford) but I understand how transient relationships are at this stage. Yet, I just don't want to give up without trying!
Please enlighten me with more realism, if you can.
Reply 3
And ah, I should add, it has always and will always remain my aim to apply to Oxford. I feel like I maintain a level head with the serious life decisions but with the emotional ones it's all passion and impulse. So... 🙂
Reply 4
You cannot really be in love with a person you have never met. This is just a youthful passion. Oxford is full of clever people. Oxford is a City of youthful passions. Fall in love with Oxford, then fall in love in Oxford.
Don't rush. Some people find love with a childhood sweetheart. Most don't.
I add that most young men are shallow, immature, and are commitmentphobes. Some of them have been induced to misogyny by the pseudo intellectual Jordan Peterson and the out and out scumbag Andrew Tate. Be picky.
Don't rush. Some people find love with a childhood sweetheart. Most don't.
I add that most young men are shallow, immature, and are commitmentphobes. Some of them have been induced to misogyny by the pseudo intellectual Jordan Peterson and the out and out scumbag Andrew Tate. Be picky.
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