Friendship issue
Hi All,
A close friend asked me to be a bridesmaid last year, I since got pregnant but still tried to support her. The other bridesmaids she picked were not my friends I knew with but I tried to work with them as best i could.
While trying to plan her hen I was taken into hospital and my baby was born via an emergency c section under aesthetic 2 months premature, he needed resuscitation and was taken to neonatal and I was on a different ward due to extreme blood loss.
Because of this I had to pause my involvement in the wedding. My friend who was getting married asked if I was still coming to the hen, I said I couldn't really focus on it right now and just needed some time.
4 days after having my son she messaged to say she didn't want me as a bridesmaid as I couldn't give 100%.
I was devastated, she wouldn't speak with me so I ended up sending a message sharing that I didn't understand, was upset but wishing her luck.
A few days later we did speak and she asked me to be a bridesmaid again and I agreed.
When it came to the hen less than 8 weeks after giving birth I went for a short while but was still sore and my baby was still being monitored.
I had hoped she would understand that I had done what I could, but she and the other bridesmaids were very frosty with me and on the day of the wedding I overheard her tell the photographer I wasn't really a bridesmaid.
The whole thing has hurt so much, I can see it from her perspective as she has done alot for me over the years. I sent a small gift and apologised for not been able to be there as much as I would have liked.
I offered to take her out to make up for missing her hen.
She remains very distant and won't talk to me about it.
I am ruminating on it a lot and not sure what more I can do.
Just hoping for some objective advice on whether to keep trying or how to move on without closure?
Thank you 😊 xx
A close friend asked me to be a bridesmaid last year, I since got pregnant but still tried to support her. The other bridesmaids she picked were not my friends I knew with but I tried to work with them as best i could.
While trying to plan her hen I was taken into hospital and my baby was born via an emergency c section under aesthetic 2 months premature, he needed resuscitation and was taken to neonatal and I was on a different ward due to extreme blood loss.
Because of this I had to pause my involvement in the wedding. My friend who was getting married asked if I was still coming to the hen, I said I couldn't really focus on it right now and just needed some time.
4 days after having my son she messaged to say she didn't want me as a bridesmaid as I couldn't give 100%.
I was devastated, she wouldn't speak with me so I ended up sending a message sharing that I didn't understand, was upset but wishing her luck.
A few days later we did speak and she asked me to be a bridesmaid again and I agreed.
When it came to the hen less than 8 weeks after giving birth I went for a short while but was still sore and my baby was still being monitored.
I had hoped she would understand that I had done what I could, but she and the other bridesmaids were very frosty with me and on the day of the wedding I overheard her tell the photographer I wasn't really a bridesmaid.
The whole thing has hurt so much, I can see it from her perspective as she has done alot for me over the years. I sent a small gift and apologised for not been able to be there as much as I would have liked.
I offered to take her out to make up for missing her hen.
She remains very distant and won't talk to me about it.
I am ruminating on it a lot and not sure what more I can do.
Just hoping for some objective advice on whether to keep trying or how to move on without closure?
Thank you 😊 xx
Reply 1
I hope you and your son are doing a lot better now, that entire hospital experience sounds absolutely insane and I truly wish you both the best.
In regards to the bride all i can think is wtf????? you really need to re-evaluate the situation because you're not to blame at all. She asked you to be a bridesmaid despite you being heavily pregnant, expected you to be involved in every detail and then got offended when you and your son were experiencing extreme medical situations in which you both may have possibly not made it??
The bride does not care for either of you and simply used you for her wedding, I can understand anyone being upset at their friend not attending the hen night, but your case is more than exempt - you and your child were in a situation that was life threatening and that disgusting person treated you terribly; I am so sorry you had to go through all that and she still had the gall to pressure you into being her bridesmaid??
Honestly, cut her off and don't even bother if she reaches out - she does not deserve a kind soul like you for a friend. You've lost nothing here, whereas she has. You went above and beyond - her distance is a blessing in disguise, she should have been there for you when you were in a time of need but she was selfish instead and she had plenty of time to make any amendments she needed - you deserve the apology more than anything - I hope you meet better people.
In regards to the bride all i can think is wtf????? you really need to re-evaluate the situation because you're not to blame at all. She asked you to be a bridesmaid despite you being heavily pregnant, expected you to be involved in every detail and then got offended when you and your son were experiencing extreme medical situations in which you both may have possibly not made it??
The bride does not care for either of you and simply used you for her wedding, I can understand anyone being upset at their friend not attending the hen night, but your case is more than exempt - you and your child were in a situation that was life threatening and that disgusting person treated you terribly; I am so sorry you had to go through all that and she still had the gall to pressure you into being her bridesmaid??
Honestly, cut her off and don't even bother if she reaches out - she does not deserve a kind soul like you for a friend. You've lost nothing here, whereas she has. You went above and beyond - her distance is a blessing in disguise, she should have been there for you when you were in a time of need but she was selfish instead and she had plenty of time to make any amendments she needed - you deserve the apology more than anything - I hope you meet better people.
Reply 2
Yeah, I’d have to agree that the bride was gross on this occasion and you’d be well within your rights to draw the friendship to a close or at least minimise contact.
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