He haunts me…

Idk what to do or how to get over this. I have literally talked my friends’ ears off, my ears and even random strangers on a night out ears off about him.
I just can’t get over it and I’m very aware I should and I try but I just relapse for no reason and it’s not even THAT deep of a situation like we were just fwbs for a year.
During that I caught feelings, he didn’t feel the same, fair enough we continued. Obviously that bad and I should have left cuz it’s not good for the heart but my thought process at the time was ‘better to have something than nothing’.
In between the times we weren’t ‘u know’ we would talk casually sometimes which I guess added to me liking him more, he would called me all types of things like gorgeous, hot etc.
He complimented me one time and it was the sweetest thing I have ever heard and it still sticks with me to this day. Even during the summer where I was away at home from uni we would speak.
But then I have realised, when I came back and near winter time the quality of our ‘u know’ just went down and the last two times he was under the influence of drugs aka coke.
And one time whilst under the influence, he went on a coke rant about how much of a good girl/person I was, pointing out my awkward laugh and the fact he does like talking to me.
Then went on about how I’d find some one better than him, which I thought was bizarre for someone who is just an fwb to say, told me he does like me but doesn’t want to be in a relationship or anything close to one. Which I get.
Then after that this year I asked if he would want to still be fwbs, which he replied with ‘idk I’m not sure’ which I told him it’s yes or no before he said yes and promptly remove me off of social media. Then this is where it actually started to get a bit weird.
He would unblock me and block me again numerous times and there was a where he messaged me and then blocked me after I responded. Then in Feb he came to see me, on valentine day morning ironically. And not surprisingly whilst on coke.
Said he enjoyed it but he is not supposed to be here, then went on a rant again calling me the best. And usually we hug but he firmly didn’t not want to hug me, which is fair enough.
After that he would still unblock and block me again. To the point where he even asked for my number to then block me again on the social media app whilst having my number.
And I have, unfortunately made accounts before to talk to him when blocked, which I should have but he always actively engaged with.
Once I asked him why he always has be blocked and he responded with ‘I have you blocked because I wanted to stop(stop the fwb) but clearly it isn’t working because I still keep thinking about you.
Even once when I woke up to a text message to my number asking me to see him. Which I responded with who is this and he didn’t respond and I was unblocked again on the social media app.
Then recently( like a month ago lol) I messaged him just saying hi and he blocked me again, which fair enough again I suppose. And I messaged his number asking why he is so indecisive. And he just said I’m sorry I just don’t want to see you again.
Which obviously annoyed me because he said it like he wasn’t the one pretty much chasing me around for 5 months after also being the one to end it in the first place.
I just idk what do because I can’t get over this situation, one reason being idk if he just gonna unblock me out the blue again, especially since we live in the same city where I attend uni and he knows I’ll be back. Another being, he was unsure about ending it in the first place and having to end it twice.
This whole situation consume my thoughts because I still ultimately like him even though I shouldn’t and I know he allegedly doesn’t like me more that just a fwb.
Idk this is just a silly rant, that I’d appreciate thoughts or advice or whatever for.
I do have his number blocked lol but doesn’t he have mine blocked idk
Overall this is/was a toxic situation to be in and idk how to get over it.
(PS: Any spelling mistakes I’m sorry)

Idk what to do or how to get over this. I have literally talked my friends’ ears off, my ears and even random strangers on a night out ears off about him.
I just can’t get over it and I’m very aware I should and I try but I just relapse for no reason and it’s not even THAT deep of a situation like we were just fwbs for a year.
During that I caught feelings, he didn’t feel the same, fair enough we continued. Obviously that bad and I should have left cuz it’s not good for the heart but my thought process at the time was ‘better to have something than nothing’.
In between the times we weren’t ‘u know’ we would talk casually sometimes which I guess added to me liking him more, he would called me all types of things like gorgeous, hot etc.
He complimented me one time and it was the sweetest thing I have ever heard and it still sticks with me to this day. Even during the summer where I was away at home from uni we would speak.
But then I have realised, when I came back and near winter time the quality of our ‘u know’ just went down and the last two times he was under the influence of drugs aka coke.
And one time whilst under the influence, he went on a coke rant about how much of a good girl/person I was, pointing out my awkward laugh and the fact he does like talking to me.
Then went on about how I’d find some one better than him, which I thought was bizarre for someone who is just an fwb to say, told me he does like me but doesn’t want to be in a relationship or anything close to one. Which I get.
Then after that this year I asked if he would want to still be fwbs, which he replied with ‘idk I’m not sure’ which I told him it’s yes or no before he said yes and promptly remove me off of social media. Then this is where it actually started to get a bit weird.
He would unblock me and block me again numerous times and there was a where he messaged me and then blocked me after I responded. Then in Feb he came to see me, on valentine day morning ironically. And not surprisingly whilst on coke.
Said he enjoyed it but he is not supposed to be here, then went on a rant again calling me the best. And usually we hug but he firmly didn’t not want to hug me, which is fair enough.
After that he would still unblock and block me again. To the point where he even asked for my number to then block me again on the social media app whilst having my number.
And I have, unfortunately made accounts before to talk to him when blocked, which I should have but he always actively engaged with.
Once I asked him why he always has be blocked and he responded with ‘I have you blocked because I wanted to stop(stop the fwb) but clearly it isn’t working because I still keep thinking about you.
Even once when I woke up to a text message to my number asking me to see him. Which I responded with who is this and he didn’t respond and I was unblocked again on the social media app.
Then recently( like a month ago lol) I messaged him just saying hi and he blocked me again, which fair enough again I suppose. And I messaged his number asking why he is so indecisive. And he just said I’m sorry I just don’t want to see you again.
Which obviously annoyed me because he said it like he wasn’t the one pretty much chasing me around for 5 months after also being the one to end it in the first place.
I just idk what do because I can’t get over this situation, one reason being idk if he just gonna unblock me out the blue again, especially since we live in the same city where I attend uni and he knows I’ll be back. Another being, he was unsure about ending it in the first place and having to end it twice.
This whole situation consume my thoughts because I still ultimately like him even though I shouldn’t and I know he allegedly doesn’t like me more that just a fwb.
Idk this is just a silly rant, that I’d appreciate thoughts or advice or whatever for.
I do have his number blocked lol but doesn’t he have mine blocked idk
Overall this is/was a toxic situation to be in and idk how to get over it.
(PS: Any spelling mistakes I’m sorry)