Parents forcing me to commute to university
So this is actually an issue for my future since this year I’m going into year 12. However I’m so stressed bc my parents are not going to let me move out for university.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
Reply 1
once you're 18 your mum can't force you to do anything
Reply 2
hey this sounds really stressful and difficult! i wonder if there are teachers at your college/sixth form you could talk to about this? as you'll be 18 your parents should absolutely not have this kind of control over your future and as you'll be legally an adult you should be able to get to uni and stay in halls without their consent - the only area in which i (starting uni in september) needed to get my parents' input was on the maintenance loan part of the student finance form, but apart from that it's not like i needed their consent to actually book accommodation.
depending on what uni you visit accommodation can be really expensive - it's worth making cheap accommodation a priority in your uni search if your situation doesn't change. however i do know that most universities offer financial support and it's worth researching if you can get a maintenance loan without your parents - i know you can definitely get the minimum amount but obviously if your parents wouldn't be helping out you'd want enough to securely cover accommodation costs.
it sounds like you're in a rough situation - it is possible your mum might change her mind over the following years, but if she doesn't there should be support systems in place for you to use in your place of education. you will be 18 and ultimately at that point you can legally do what you want and it may just be a case of putting your foot down and leaving. however i'm sure there is a way for you to get out of your house and get a proper university experience.
depending on what uni you visit accommodation can be really expensive - it's worth making cheap accommodation a priority in your uni search if your situation doesn't change. however i do know that most universities offer financial support and it's worth researching if you can get a maintenance loan without your parents - i know you can definitely get the minimum amount but obviously if your parents wouldn't be helping out you'd want enough to securely cover accommodation costs.
it sounds like you're in a rough situation - it is possible your mum might change her mind over the following years, but if she doesn't there should be support systems in place for you to use in your place of education. you will be 18 and ultimately at that point you can legally do what you want and it may just be a case of putting your foot down and leaving. however i'm sure there is a way for you to get out of your house and get a proper university experience.
Reply 3
Original post by tellizard
once you're 18 your mum can't force you to do anything
Yeah but try telling Asian/Indian parents that
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah but try telling Asian/Indian parents that
That’s the thing, you’d have to put your foot down if that’s ultimately what you want.
There are only two results in this scenario. You stay or move out.
If you want to leave but don’t want to upset your parents, then stay. If you want to leave, realise this would upset your parents but want to prioritise your comfort in life, then leave.
Bingo bongo
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
So this is actually an issue for my future since this year I’m going into year 12. However I’m so stressed bc my parents are not going to let me move out for university.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
Hi there,
This sounds like a really tough situation for you to be in. I completely understand your reasons for wanting to move out as it seems like a stressful environment to be living in.
I would encourage you to keep talking to your parents about it. Tell them how you think it would benefit you and show them how you can be independent and that you are able to live independently as this may help to change their minds. If you keep the conversation going they may see that you are serious about wanting to do this and you never know they might change their mind.
Depending on how much loan you get, it may be an option for you to move out anyway if you really wanted to. If you get enough loan to cover you rent, you could look into doing this. It's worth looking at cheap accommodations in the place that you want to go to university and seeing if there is one that may make this possible. If you really feel you need to get out of your house and move out, it is worth looking into this. Or, if your family see that there are cheaper accommodations available, they may be more on board with the idea of you moving into accommodation.
I also agree that it may be a good idea to talk to someone at your school or college and tell them about your situation and see if there would be anything that they can do to help you out.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy - SHU student ambassador.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
So this is actually an issue for my future since this year I’m going into year 12. However I’m so stressed bc my parents are not going to let me move out for university.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
Hi there,
I'm sorry to read this. It is definitely a financial and practical challenge of moving to university - but it can offer great freedoms and opportunities, as you have said. Can I ask what you'd like to study? You will be an adult, so as long as you can live independently, it is technically up to you. But that means that it is your responsibility to get a job, work alongside your degree and have the domestic skills to live independently.
I did a similar thing, but with being independent, there is a lot of work that you should be prepared for!
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
So this is actually an issue for my future since this year I’m going into year 12. However I’m so stressed bc my parents are not going to let me move out for university.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
My mum says that the uni halls are too expensive on top of the actually university fee, which I do understand but there has to still be a way I can go. My older sister was able to go for 3 years and live in accommodation where she met new friends and her bf. That opportunity will be limited for me. She was allowed to go bc apparently her course isn’t available much where we live.
My mum also controls everything I wear and my parents constantly text and call me asking where I am. I know this will be even worse when I go to university and those are problems I’m trying to leave behind. My mum also says that I’ll only be going on campus 3 days a week for lectures so it’s pointless/ a waste of money to live there. Also, she thinks I won’t be able to live by myself/ independently which is literally exactly what I want and what I know is best for me+ my sister also thinks that. She also says she’s never changing her mind about this.
I also want to escape my home life so so badly. I’ll have to come home every single day to it in university. Even though this is a problem for like 2 years time, it’s made me so upset knowing I have no escape. I wanted the whole university experience but my parents (especially my mum) refuse to let me live in accommodation.
You are going to be an Adult. You will have your own autonomy. If they won't help finacially you can always take a gap year, move into a house share, save money and then do your degree. Alternatively, there are remote unis like the OU which you can do while working a job.
If I were you I would move far away and cut her off completely if she is as controlling as you say. Uni is stressful enough as is and I wouldn't want to the extra stress of an overbearing controlling witch in my life haha.
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