College Allocation - Hild Bede

Hello everyone,
I've just been allocated Hild Bede college. I'm a postgraduate (master's) student who will be 'living out,' so I'm not going to be as involved with college life as a could have been, but I am somewhat disappointed and concerned.
Hild Bede was not one of my choices, and I hadn't even considered it as it seemed too far away from other sites (and I wanted something close to my main department building - The Dawson Building - as I will already be travelling for over an hour into Durham). I had my heart set on St Mary's or a Bailey college, but that isn't really the point of my post.
Basically, I'm autistic so have some concerns about Hild Bede. Firstly, it seems like a very large college. Even though I won't be living there, I'm concerned that this may dissuade me from taking part in events as there may be more people than at other colleges, and I can get very overwhelmed in crowds. I was also hoping for a college with gowned formals as these seemed to be quieter/smaller/less 'dance party' type events than non-gowned formals, so I'm apprehensive. I was also very hopeful for a college with a library or other such quiet spaces so I could get away from the hustle and bustle, and I anticipate that the University wide libraries may be busier, so a smaller and quieter space would have been ideal. Additionally, the fact that Hild Bede is also moving to a new location does not put me at ease as this means I don't know what to expect whatsoever 😅
Does anyone have any words of wisdom for this shy, awkward, nervous autistic guy? Thank you in advance 😊

Hiya,
Firstly congratulations on your offer! I'm really sorry you weren't allocated your preferred college, I know how difficult and nerve wrecking that can be so it's completely understandable. As you said you'll be 'living out' and won't be staying in college accommodation, depending on where you're living, the bus services in Durham are quite good. There are buses that run frequently to the science site and they're quite regular + with the new bus station, its much more convenient than before as bus schedules are live and you don't have to walk far to get to your next bus. Arriva bus 6, 56, 58 all go to the science site and with your campus card, you can get a day pass for 1.50. You also have stagecoach bus 59, bus 41 and 42 as well as the PR2. So quite a good selection. I lived quite far out of Durham in my second year (Approx 40ish minutes) so I know how tiring it can be but its completely manageable but you do have to wake up earlier than usual. If you're not thinking of commuting by bus and are thinking of buying/renting a car, I will say there aren't that many car parks in the science site so that may be a bit tricky but still manageable.
As for college life, most college events tend to be quite the same with a few differences in number of people attending depending on the college. I was in a non gowned college but our college formals were quite relaxed and quieter (St Cuthbert's Society) and there's rarely any dancing or partying, its mainly just sitting and chatting to people next to you or your friends over a formal dinner. Sometimes colleges will have themed formals (Halloween, Bonfire Night, etc) and at the end there might be a silent disco/party but they'll disclose it beforehand so you can opt to leave before or not take part if you don't want to 🙂 Most if not all colleges have a library, I'm assuming Hilde Bede may have one but if I'm wrong, you can always book a private study room at the Bill Bryson library or check online to see how crowded the library is/how much space there is before you come. You can always go work in a different college library like Cuths, Trevs, Johns and it definitely helps to make friends from other colleges so they can get you in if you can't but usually its fine + Sometimes I find the best places to work are smaller quieter cafes around Durham like Bagel Break in North road (very quiet and small, and not that many people go there and best food!!!) or Manakeet, Vennels, etc. Also, the student union is an extremely underrated and great place to study since its never busy and always quiet + they have a cafe and lots of study spaces available. Just to add, the Dawson Building has a great common room + Kiln Lab and its always nice and quiet in there, whenever the library is packed I always go to the common room or Kiln lab!
Just to end off, I know how difficult and scary it can be but trust me, you will be fine. I know it seems like a lot to digest right now and so much info is being thrown at you but once you get to Durham and settle, it will be fine. There are so many events/societies/opportunities you can get involved with if you're feeling unsure about college or you're not enjoying college. I know there's a lot of emphasis put on colleges, but at the end of the day its only a place to stay and socialise so you don't have to force yourself to participate if you're not up for it or not enjoying it. I found the most enjoyment I had was out of college and I only joined college opportunities/events if it interested me/wanted to, my advice to you and in general all incoming students is to not force yourself to enjoy college if you're not, its perfectly fine (and normal) if you'd rather focus on other aspects such as your course, work, societies, volunteering, sports, etc.
Lastly, your college, department and University is equipped with amazing welfare teams + people there to support you with whatever you need or are going through so please don't hesitate to reach out to them or us in the student room!
I hope this helps and best of luck 🙂 If you have any further questions or concerns, please let me know!
-Ghala