Bi boyfriend and a threesome

My boyfriend of 2 years had admitted to me that he was bi half way into the relationship. I’m also bi but found out long before our relationship so it kind of felt a little odd to be told he found out he was bi DURING our relationship. Although i have nothing against it it just hurt a little bit to know he found that out during our relationship but i’m
not sure if i even have a right to feel that way. Anyways after he admitted this to me a few weeks later he told me his interests in a mmf threesome because he liked the idea of watching me. He also told me about his interesting in sucking **** which kind of made me feel uncomfortable because i’m a woman and it’s hard to see my boyfriend that way. Although i’m glad he feels comfortable opening up to me it still hurts. We ended up doing the threesome with one of our close friends and i enjoyed it and it continued for a bit. My boyfriend started mentioning sucking the friends **** and a few other things which kind of hurt. Although i did **** his friend and we all had a threesome because its what he wanted I just can’t get over how uncomfortable it made me feel to think of him with his friend like that even though we’ve had a threesome the attention was typically on me. He thinks he has a right too because of our threesome but it just makes me feel hurt and uncomfortable because he did end up doing it without me being there and told me the next morning that it happened. I honestly can’t even see him the same and i don’t know if i even have a right to feel that way right now because of how much i love him and the fact that we had a threesome all together. Do I have a right to be hurt and uncomfortable? I don’t know how i feel at all or if I have a right to be mad.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Hey I hope you are okay!

Please remember everyone has a right to feelings and their emotions.

Have you tried discussing this with your boyfriend and expressing how you feel. Sometimes, if this is an ongoing thing there needs to be rules and boundaries that you both need to set to make sure you are both happy and comfortable.

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

It is a really complex situation as you have programmed yourself psychologically to see your bf in a certain manner and he is consistently deviating from it due to which you are getting uncomfortable and hurt. A simple solution to this issue is to talk to your bf and explain this to him that you see him as someone in a supposedly dominant position who should be into you while he is being receptive as someone else is into him. He might not understand this I know this already but you have to explain this to him in your own way.

Secondly, another solution to this could be reshaping your psychological image of him as someone fluid, submissive and receptive. Right now, you are looking at him as someone non-receptive while he is being receptive so it hurts you. So, you can start seeing him as someone receptive and things will be ok.
Although, once you start seeing him as receptive many other things can happen such as you might start dominating him at all in bed and everywhere the relationship dynamics might change too.

Reply 3

StriderHort

21

For being bi you seem confused on this 'He's a man and I'm a woman' stuff.

In terms of the relationship, it's leaped from 'I think I'm Bi' to physically involving a 3rd person in the relationship, that's a HUGE step and tbh will prob kill the relationship, it normally does - especially since you're clearly not comfortable with it and he's already taking it as a licence to do whatever he wants with no boundaries, how do you go back from that?

Reply 4

Doomotron

18

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend of 2 years had admitted to me that he was bi half way into the relationship. I’m also bi but found out long before our relationship so it kind of felt a little odd to be told he found out he was bi DURING our relationship. Although i have nothing against it it just hurt a little bit to know he found that out during our relationship but i’m
not sure if i even have a right to feel that way. Anyways after he admitted this to me a few weeks later he told me his interests in a mmf threesome because he liked the idea of watching me. He also told me about his interesting in sucking **** which kind of made me feel uncomfortable because i’m a woman and it’s hard to see my boyfriend that way. Although i’m glad he feels comfortable opening up to me it still hurts. We ended up doing the threesome with one of our close friends and i enjoyed it and it continued for a bit. My boyfriend started mentioning sucking the friends **** and a few other things which kind of hurt. Although i did **** his friend and we all had a threesome because its what he wanted I just can’t get over how uncomfortable it made me feel to think of him with his friend like that even though we’ve had a threesome the attention was typically on me. He thinks he has a right too because of our threesome but it just makes me feel hurt and uncomfortable because he did end up doing it without me being there and told me the next morning that it happened. I honestly can’t even see him the same and i don’t know if i even have a right to feel that way right now because of how much i love him and the fact that we had a threesome all together. Do I have a right to be hurt and uncomfortable? I don’t know how i feel at all or if I have a right to be mad.

Your boyfriend is bi, which isn't a problem. I know you felt uncomfortable about that, but him being bi alone isn't an issue.

What is an issue is what happened next. If it had been taken slow, then it may have worked, but the way I see it is that he's started to do whatever he wants. Whether that's because he's unfaithful or because he's a bit too comfortable I can't say, but either way I think you need to talk to him about it. Relationships work on boundaries and I assume he's broken some of yours.

Reply 5

Anonymous #4

NGL… he likely is not interested in you anymore and is looking for someone to take your place before he ends it. Take control and end it first!

Reply 6

Anonymous #4

Original post by StriderHort

For being bi you seem confused on this 'He's a man and I'm a woman' stuff.
In terms of the relationship, it's leaped from 'I think I'm Bi' to physically involving a 3rd person in the relationship, that's a HUGE step and tbh will prob kill the relationship, it normally does - especially since you're clearly not comfortable with it and he's already taking it as a licence to do whatever he wants with no boundaries, how do you go back from that?

Exactly!

Bi boyfriend and a threesome

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