Some advice or help please?

So I am a 21 year old mother of a 13 month old boy living in a one bedroom flat. I have a boyfriend who I met in March of this year on this online speed dating thing. He is 37. Feel free to comment on the age gap lol but that's not why I'm posting. Lets just say the responsibilities of becoming a mum have highly put me off guys anywhere near my own age. And he acts like a child anyway lol.

So the thing is I'm upset cause he lives a 40 minute train ride away and doesn't drive. Whenever he comes over to my house (approx 4 nights a week), he expects me and gets very upset if I don't stay up late with him. And by this I mean till at least 2am. The other day I decided to go to bed at 9pm and he just got upset and left, then came back the next day. The issue is when he keeps me up that late I am exhausted and find it very difficult to look after my son. I still do, obviously that child never wants for anything but when I ask my boyfriend to help out he just refuses. This guy eats my food, drinks my coffee things that don't come cheap for someone on universal credit (in comparison he earns six figures in an NHS tech role) and when I ask him to just play with my son a few hours in the morning so I can catch up on sleep the answer is just ‘no’.

There are a few other issues ofcourse. He vapes more than he breathes air. And he always does it in my house. Makes his breath stink lol. Its a turn off. Then when I said the other day he wasn't allowed to vape in my house anymore he just got upset and went all quiet in protest or something.

Then its a small flat, but he always leaves his stuff everywhere. Not only does it make my flat untidy as I'm always having to tidy up his stuff, its also a hazard for my son.

He did this really weird thing the other day. He needed to brush his teeth so said he would use my toothbrush (electric changeable head) cause ‘we do much more intimate stuff so this should be fine’. That really annoyed me. I have so many toothbrushes and he knows it, that made me super uncomfortable. So I changed the toothbrush and put his own one at the side and he started saying ‘oh so we can **** but we can't use the same toothbrush’.

Btw I've talked to him about all the things above many times, he just doesn't seem to care.

Also to note, I have outlined all the bad things here, he loves me and we used to have amazing intense passionate sex. We laugh and have fun and I would like it to go further with a few things changed from him. Some advice or perspective please?

Reply 1

Azzy88

Well, idk I should talk about this or not but the things you mentioned are signs of an irresponsible personality. Now it is up to you whether you are willing to stay with irresponsible people or not. However, you need to think about this from another perspective, "if I leave this person, what are the things that I would be facing and would I be able to manage them?" (if he is managing things in the first place).

Secondly, habits like vaping etc, you need to understand that almost every person has some habits that are just there. The best you can do is talk to him from the child's perspective that you are fine with it, you like it but vaping in the flat and in the room right there is going to harm the child really badly. In short, people have habits and they can't be changed, they are either accepted or the people are left.

Thirdly, (a personal observation) if you have talked to him and he doesn't listen then it means two things, either your convincing ability is not good or he is just there for SEX (you know single mom, sex, fun yeah).

Reply 2

Zarek

It doesn’t feel like he’ll change. I would either accept things as they are or bite the bullet, kick him in to touch and take stock

Reply 3

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

You've written 7 paragraphs, 6 of which complain about your boyfriend's poor behaviour. Why does the last paragraph say he loves you, given everything that's gone before?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

You've written 7 paragraphs, 6 of which complain about your boyfriend's poor behaviour. Why does the last paragraph say he loves you, given everything that's gone before?

I get where you are coming from but I would break up with him immediately if I didn't have anything good to say. I just wouldn't write it here because honestly it's not an issue I need help with.

Reply 5

AAJXOXO

Although you have a connection with this individual, I feel you should put your child first in this. From what it seems, your bf seems very selfish and uninterested in having a relation with your son. Thats a redflag in itself. He may be okay with you, but even then, it does not seem the case, but as I said before, your baby should come first. Ask him to change his ways and be quite firm with it. For someone who is nearly hitting 40, it is embarrassing. Good luck!