Am I a Beard Unknowingly?

I am in a relationship for 8 years, and my boyfriend never had sex with me. In the beginning, I used to push for reasons. He gave me many different reasons - religion, he might get me pregnant, need to wait, etc. If I ever brought up intimacy/sex, he would shut down for days. If I tried to break up with him, he would get super depressed and would not want to break up with me. I deeply care for him so I felt like he would manipulate me to feel bad for asking why we have no intimacy. Years went by because other than that we had no other issues at all. I stayed loyal to him. Eight years later, my paralegal guy noticed the energy between us, and he tried to understand it because he was interested in me. I brought sex/intimacy with my boyfriend again; this time he gave me the same nonsense reasons including religion. I know he doesn't practice (Catholic) religion. When I called him out on it, he gave me other reasons - in high school he did not date much, so he doesn't know what to do etc. In the beginning of our relationship, I told him what to do and how to do it. have asked him if he is gay or ED issues? He said no. I asked him to go to counseling. He said no because there is too much in his head and counselor will get to it. I love him deeply and I don't know what to so. He would learn or do anything for me, but he would not have sex/intimate with me. He likes to give me a peck on the lips in public.

Not sure why I have need to know if I am a Beard?

Reply 1

black tea

I don't know what a Beard is, but if your boyfriend is not willing to have sex with you (the reason doesn't matter, what matters is his willingness to change the situation, which he doesn't seem to have), you have to have a real hard think about whether you are happy to stay in a relationship without sex forever or whether this is going to be a deal breaker. He is highly unlikely to do anything if he has been happy with this status quo for 8 years so it's on you to decide if you are happy with this.

One thing worth mentioning though is that lack of sex drive (if that's the issue here) can be caused by health issues, including benign brain tumours. Perhaps it might worth bringing it up from a concern about a health issue rather than unhappiness about lack of intimacy if you do choose to bring this up with him again.

Good luck.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by black tea

I don't know what a Beard is, but if your boyfriend is not willing to have sex with you (the reason doesn't matter, what matters is his willingness to change the situation, which he doesn't seem to have), you have to have a real hard think about whether you are happy to stay in a relationship without sex forever or whether this is going to be a deal breaker. He is highly unlikely to do anything if he has been happy with this status quo for 8 years so it's on you to decide if you are happy with this.
One thing worth mentioning though is that lack of sex drive (if that's the issue here) can be caused by health issues, including benign brain tumours. Perhaps it might worth bringing it up from a concern about a health issue rather than unhappiness about lack of intimacy if you do choose to bring this up with him again.
Good luck.

Thank you! I appreciate your time and answer.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Yes you’re his beard. He’s using you as a cover up probably as he feels he can’t come out and is trying to live a ‘normal’ life. I’m glad you’ve noticed it. But like you’ve said, this could be a health issue as well. Watch how he interacts with you and maybe try find out if he has been watching gay p*rn or anything of the sort that may hint.