Heartbroken

I went through a break up of a 4 year relationship 2 years ago. My ex left me for my friend. I was single for 2 years and started dating someone new a month ago. It was all going well. I actually feel like our values aligned better and he is so kind and respectful. We have a lot in common. He’s told his friends and family about me and says he really likes me. I like the version of myself that I am when I’m with him.

When we were out on a date, he was showing me a photo on instagram and at quick glance I caught a photo of him kissing a girls cheek. I asked who that was, he said it was his friend and they never dated. The photo was from her account, he was tagged and it was from 5 years ago. He said he hasn’t spoken to her in a year. This girl also has many other questionable photos of herself with male friends, she’s just not the type of person I’d want to be friends with.

I know it was 5 years ago and he had no control over it as she posted it, but I can’t help but get upset about it especially since we are very early days and I don’t feel established at all. It’s just not nice seeing a photo of the guy you like kissing someone elses cheek. He knows I was in a relationship before so I’ve obviously kissed before, but it’s different SEEING it. My mind is scarred.

I told him how it triggered me because of how it ended with my ex and he felt bad and told me he did really like me and doesn’t want something out of his control to change what we have. I understand that, it makes sense. But it’s so painful having that image stuck in my head.

Am I missing a red flag? Should I cut it off or give him a chance.

Reply 1

jay2013

I'm 35 years old, never been kissed, never dated anyone, still holding onto my V card, I've watched the woman I was in love with marry my former flatmate and you're here getting triggered over a guy kissing a girl on the cheek? 🤨

Is he a virgin like me? If not then you have to come to terms that he's dated before and give him a chance just like he's giving you a chance.

Reply 2

JDINCINERATOR

You have to let something that happened 5 years ago go. I imagine you see this picture of him and this other lass kissing and you may think she's competition or something, but give your mind a rest and focus on the here and now. Ending a relationship over some kiss that happened 5 years ago when you and him weren't even together is far-fetched. I think this photo is some kind of challenge of perseverance. The truth is if he's loving, caring and respectful and his family likes you too-they're fantastic signs that this relationship is working.

Reply 3

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Whilst it’s not nice to imagine your partner with someone else, or certainly not see it, the reality is that most people will have had prior relationships.

Ultimately it was years ago. He hasn’t betrayed your trust. He was just living his life before he met you.

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