A guy thinks I played with his feelings. Can you give me your opinions?

Hi. I need advice on a particular situation. I really liked a guy that I’ve known for a long time but only for sex. I’m still in love with my ex boyfriend and it has been hard for me to date. But I liked this guy sexually and I was willing to have a fling with him. I could tell he liked me too so I was straightforward and told him that he turned me on and I had fantasies of sending him sexy photos. This guy has poor social skills and sometimes he would give me one word replies or didn’t asked me questions, making our conversations really forced. I told him I didn’t like his lack of effort sometimes. I decided to tell him that it was better to give each other space and not text daily for 2 reasons. First, because he seemed bored every time he gave me short replies (I didn’t told him that though) and second because sometimes I still had my ex on my mind so it felt awkward to talk daily with someone else (I did tell him this).

So one day he sent me a text in the morning asking me for a picture of me with a new pair of heels that I got on my birthday. I got turned on when he asked me that so I started flirting with him and told him sure, why not?? But almost immediately he started giving me one word replies again. Since I didn’t know what to respond, the conversation died. He didn’t bother to text me again the whole day! It got me mad because why would he flirt and then ignore me like that? He had been doing this the previous days also. So I thought in my head: “DO I REALLY WANT TO SEND A PICTURE TO THIS GUY JUST TO FEEL IGNORED LIKE THIS?”

So I changed my mind due to his attitude and I told him the next day that I wasn’t going to send him anything, that we had totally different personalities and it was better to cut off communication because I had lost my patience. Maybe I overreacted but I honestly only wanted sex with him and made it clear. He didn’t seem to appreciate my advances. I almost felt like he took me for granted. He got mad and now he thinks I hurt his feelings on purpose but I didn’t. I just don’t want to send pictures to a guy that ignores me and not put any effort in talking to me, especially if we’re flirting.
Did I overreacted? Was he right to be mad?

Reply 1

Crazy Jamie

Life & Style Forum Helper, Careers Forum Helper

You question why he would flirt and then ignore you, but earlier in the post you say that he has poor social skills and conversations are often forced. Seems to me like you have answered your own question. I suspect he either simply didn't know how to sustain flirting via text, or figured that because you had already made it clear that you wanted to have sex with him, that he had done everything he needed to do and was just waiting for you to send him the pictures he wanted and/or propose where and when to have sex. Either way, he hasn't appreciated what he needs to do to turn you on and push this forward to the two of you actually having sex. That may well not be his fault, but equally it's not realistic to simply expect you to make all of the effort and/or have sex with someone who you are not connecting with and, despite you thinking he should be able to, is not turning you on. I understand why it is jarring for him and get why he feels like you played with his feelings, but I don't think you did. You openly tried to engaged with him and were very clear with what you wanted, but the two of you ultimately didn't connect and you didn't want to pursue it. There's nothing wrong with that at all, even though he's bound to be irritated by it.

So I don't think you necessarily overreacted. You could certainly have kept on trying, but equally it's unreasonable to break things off when you did. And whilst I think it's a bit strong to say that he was right to be mad because I don't think you did anything wrong, I certainly understand from his perspective why he is mad. Ultimately though, this is something he needs to get over. He had an opportunity had having a fling with a girl and couldn't follow it through. It's something he needs to learn from.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Articles for you

15 things that only happen in university halls

Try out the app

Continue on web