Guilt
Hi,
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this to be posted, but I need advice.
Recently within the past couple of years, I have been suffering from extreme feelings of guilt. I feel so so guilty even over small things such as having one alcoholic drink, having sex, or even not doing anything and just letting myself rest for once. Honestly the guilt feels so controlling but so distressing, as if it drowns me and buries me and it doesn't allow me to do anything else. I'm really struggling with it atm and I was wondering if anyone has any idea why this guilt is so extreme or if anyone could give any advice on how to cope because I feel like I can't.
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this to be posted, but I need advice.
Recently within the past couple of years, I have been suffering from extreme feelings of guilt. I feel so so guilty even over small things such as having one alcoholic drink, having sex, or even not doing anything and just letting myself rest for once. Honestly the guilt feels so controlling but so distressing, as if it drowns me and buries me and it doesn't allow me to do anything else. I'm really struggling with it atm and I was wondering if anyone has any idea why this guilt is so extreme or if anyone could give any advice on how to cope because I feel like I can't.
My advice is not any professional medical advice, this is just general life advice
Do you have a very rigid and life defining set of rules that you have to live by? Do you find that these 'rules' help you in some way to control anxiety? If the answer to this is 'Yes' it may be that anxiety is the underlying cause of your guilt, rather than viewing the guilt as the problem? Maybe you are creating an internal prison with mental house rules? Perhaps the rules are so extreme or unreasonable you are quite likely to break them, and hence you have broken your own 'internal' code of behaviour or are having a war with your own psyche? Would this be why you beat yourself up emotionally for a minor transgression of your own strict set of rules?
Why are your 'rules' so important for you? How have they enabled you to 'live'? How did these rules all start from? Is this from a childhood thing (were your parents very strict or has someone instilled a need to do this?) or has it 'just developed' over time? Often the habits we have developed or ways of thinking we have, have done so because we repeat them if some kind of 'reward' continues. Everything will be ok if I do x or y or z Do these rules allow you to live life more effectively? How comfortable are you with spontaneity or sudden change? I'm not suggesting you have this, but connected with the need for order and control is an almost OCD style related way of life which can be used as a means of coping with anxiety?
Sit for a moment and reassess how you feel about having a calm relaxed mind? Many of the actions you feel guilty about might be connected to a feeling that you have to be 'perfect'? Do you feel that you are judged by others? Start on the small things and make a list of what your rules are and why you have to 'self impose' the rules. What are your 'red lines', and what are the 'lines' that might be blurred or crossed? Think about each rule and work out what is the worst that can happen if I break the rule? ........Imagine how you would feel if you did break a rule. Then give yourself permission to break a rule, and allow yourself the knowledge you can if you want to and it's ok? More importantly who cares if you break the rules? What will really change if you give yourself permission to break one out of ten rules or three out of ten rules (because you can) You are in charge of your life and life is too short and too important to fret the 'small stuff'
On a final note it might be worth having a chat with your GP or medical health care provider - to check in with them to express your concerns and to see how you are managing with your emotional health just now? Often talking an issue out loud to someone else can enable you to hear yourself think and will enable the main issues that are bothering you. It might help you to understand if it all makes sense? Accessing talking therapies can sometimes help you to unpick the logic, the emotions attached and the life impact associated with a particular mindset. I really hope you can find a way to relax and enjoy a calm mindset.
Do you have a very rigid and life defining set of rules that you have to live by? Do you find that these 'rules' help you in some way to control anxiety? If the answer to this is 'Yes' it may be that anxiety is the underlying cause of your guilt, rather than viewing the guilt as the problem? Maybe you are creating an internal prison with mental house rules? Perhaps the rules are so extreme or unreasonable you are quite likely to break them, and hence you have broken your own 'internal' code of behaviour or are having a war with your own psyche? Would this be why you beat yourself up emotionally for a minor transgression of your own strict set of rules?
Why are your 'rules' so important for you? How have they enabled you to 'live'? How did these rules all start from? Is this from a childhood thing (were your parents very strict or has someone instilled a need to do this?) or has it 'just developed' over time? Often the habits we have developed or ways of thinking we have, have done so because we repeat them if some kind of 'reward' continues. Everything will be ok if I do x or y or z Do these rules allow you to live life more effectively? How comfortable are you with spontaneity or sudden change? I'm not suggesting you have this, but connected with the need for order and control is an almost OCD style related way of life which can be used as a means of coping with anxiety?
Sit for a moment and reassess how you feel about having a calm relaxed mind? Many of the actions you feel guilty about might be connected to a feeling that you have to be 'perfect'? Do you feel that you are judged by others? Start on the small things and make a list of what your rules are and why you have to 'self impose' the rules. What are your 'red lines', and what are the 'lines' that might be blurred or crossed? Think about each rule and work out what is the worst that can happen if I break the rule? ........Imagine how you would feel if you did break a rule. Then give yourself permission to break a rule, and allow yourself the knowledge you can if you want to and it's ok? More importantly who cares if you break the rules? What will really change if you give yourself permission to break one out of ten rules or three out of ten rules (because you can) You are in charge of your life and life is too short and too important to fret the 'small stuff'
On a final note it might be worth having a chat with your GP or medical health care provider - to check in with them to express your concerns and to see how you are managing with your emotional health just now? Often talking an issue out loud to someone else can enable you to hear yourself think and will enable the main issues that are bothering you. It might help you to understand if it all makes sense? Accessing talking therapies can sometimes help you to unpick the logic, the emotions attached and the life impact associated with a particular mindset. I really hope you can find a way to relax and enjoy a calm mindset.
Reply 2
Original post by Muttly
My advice is not any professional medical advice, this is just general life advice
Do you have a very rigid and life defining set of rules that you have to live by? Do you find that these 'rules' help you in some way to control anxiety? If the answer to this is 'Yes' it may be that anxiety is the underlying cause of your guilt, rather than viewing the guilt as the problem? Maybe you are creating an internal prison with mental house rules? Perhaps the rules are so extreme or unreasonable you are quite likely to break them, and hence you have broken your own 'internal' code of behaviour or are having a war with your own psyche? Would this be why you beat yourself up emotionally for a minor transgression of your own strict set of rules?
Why are your 'rules' so important for you? How have they enabled you to 'live'? How did these rules all start from? Is this from a childhood thing (were your parents very strict or has someone instilled a need to do this?) or has it 'just developed' over time? Often the habits we have developed or ways of thinking we have, have done so because we repeat them if some kind of 'reward' continues. Everything will be ok if I do x or y or z Do these rules allow you to live life more effectively? How comfortable are you with spontaneity or sudden change? I'm not suggesting you have this, but connected with the need for order and control is an almost OCD style related way of life which can be used as a means of coping with anxiety?
Sit for a moment and reassess how you feel about having a calm relaxed mind? Many of the actions you feel guilty about might be connected to a feeling that you have to be 'perfect'? Do you feel that you are judged by others? Start on the small things and make a list of what your rules are and why you have to 'self impose' the rules. What are your 'red lines', and what are the 'lines' that might be blurred or crossed? Think about each rule and work out what is the worst that can happen if I break the rule? ........Imagine how you would feel if you did break a rule. Then give yourself permission to break a rule, and allow yourself the knowledge you can if you want to and it's ok? More importantly who cares if you break the rules? What will really change if you give yourself permission to break one out of ten rules or three out of ten rules (because you can) You are in charge of your life and life is too short and too important to fret the 'small stuff'
On a final note it might be worth having a chat with your GP or medical health care provider - to check in with them to express your concerns and to see how you are managing with your emotional health just now? Often talking an issue out loud to someone else can enable you to hear yourself think and will enable the main issues that are bothering you. It might help you to understand if it all makes sense? Accessing talking therapies can sometimes help you to unpick the logic, the emotions attached and the life impact associated with a particular mindset. I really hope you can find a way to relax and enjoy a calm mindset.
Do you have a very rigid and life defining set of rules that you have to live by? Do you find that these 'rules' help you in some way to control anxiety? If the answer to this is 'Yes' it may be that anxiety is the underlying cause of your guilt, rather than viewing the guilt as the problem? Maybe you are creating an internal prison with mental house rules? Perhaps the rules are so extreme or unreasonable you are quite likely to break them, and hence you have broken your own 'internal' code of behaviour or are having a war with your own psyche? Would this be why you beat yourself up emotionally for a minor transgression of your own strict set of rules?
Why are your 'rules' so important for you? How have they enabled you to 'live'? How did these rules all start from? Is this from a childhood thing (were your parents very strict or has someone instilled a need to do this?) or has it 'just developed' over time? Often the habits we have developed or ways of thinking we have, have done so because we repeat them if some kind of 'reward' continues. Everything will be ok if I do x or y or z Do these rules allow you to live life more effectively? How comfortable are you with spontaneity or sudden change? I'm not suggesting you have this, but connected with the need for order and control is an almost OCD style related way of life which can be used as a means of coping with anxiety?
Sit for a moment and reassess how you feel about having a calm relaxed mind? Many of the actions you feel guilty about might be connected to a feeling that you have to be 'perfect'? Do you feel that you are judged by others? Start on the small things and make a list of what your rules are and why you have to 'self impose' the rules. What are your 'red lines', and what are the 'lines' that might be blurred or crossed? Think about each rule and work out what is the worst that can happen if I break the rule? ........Imagine how you would feel if you did break a rule. Then give yourself permission to break a rule, and allow yourself the knowledge you can if you want to and it's ok? More importantly who cares if you break the rules? What will really change if you give yourself permission to break one out of ten rules or three out of ten rules (because you can) You are in charge of your life and life is too short and too important to fret the 'small stuff'
On a final note it might be worth having a chat with your GP or medical health care provider - to check in with them to express your concerns and to see how you are managing with your emotional health just now? Often talking an issue out loud to someone else can enable you to hear yourself think and will enable the main issues that are bothering you. It might help you to understand if it all makes sense? Accessing talking therapies can sometimes help you to unpick the logic, the emotions attached and the life impact associated with a particular mindset. I really hope you can find a way to relax and enjoy a calm mindset.
Honestly thank you so so much for that reply and it has really helped. I do have ASD which can enhance the feelings of guilt, but people have suggested that I do show OCD traits - I have to do things in sets of four otherwise it's too distressing, things have to feel equal on both sides of my body, and I have to do things in particular ways every time, but I find that these things reduce the anxiety that I live with. However, these things have gotten so much worse over time, but it's happened for as long as I can remember.
Personally, rules are a way of living and helps me keep everything in line, but perhaps they are too rigid?
I'm a perfectionist too and I do find that I care strongly about what other people think and how I'm perceived.
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