I have no friends

I just turned 20 , idk what to do anymore. Im so exausted from work though that i dont even have time to be depressed . I know this isnt the life i want though and i dont know what to do.

I was at uni (long story as for why im not there now , surgery and other stuff) I work in a hotel as a waitress/ bar tender now . I love everyone at this job and get on with the guys in BOH rlly well too. I dont see anything developing with anyone there though . The other girls there who couldve potentially been friends arent rlly my age (like 16-17) i feel so old compared to them and it makes me feel even more depressed when they talk about their friends and boyfriends and stuff .

One girl got dressed to go on a night out after her shift and i genuinely wanted to cry because i feel so lonely . Turning 20 last week was the most depressing bday yet.
Ive never had a serious bf either , i really want a relationship but idk how to get a bf and no one is interested in me . Ive struggled with an ed for my whole life too so my self esteem is bad . Idk how ppl see me or if im actually attractive , the only validation ive had recently was from some of the regulars at my job , but what does that even mean.

Idk what im doing with my life or what im going to do. It feels nice being in one job , doing 5 days a week and not thinking ahead in the futrue or being anxious about something coming up after having a bad history of mental health, but at the same time i feel sad and scared of what im going to do.

Im barely close with either parent either, i havent seen my dad in 2 years , he also forgot my 20th bday this year too . Me and my mun arent as close rlly , although i wish we were closer like other ppl are with their mums its just not the same . I moved to live witb my grandma 2 years ago (complicated, i was self harming badly and other stuff) i didnt plan to be here this long .

I do everything alone, concerts alone, walks alone , gym alone . I never have anyone to call or text or tell anything to (not that i have anything to tell now because my life is pathetic)

I just feel like i shouldve ended it years ago when my mental health was worse. Being in a waitress job is hard at times though too as i always have to be smiley and up beat when i feel like crying sometimes , and when u get difficult or mean customers.

I have been alone for so long that idk what it feels like to not be alone and i dont remember what its like.

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

Original post

by lanadana

I just turned 20 , idk what to do anymore. Im so exausted from work though that i dont even have time to be depressed . I know this isnt the life i want though and i dont know what to do.
I was at uni (long story as for why im not there now , surgery and other stuff) I work in a hotel as a waitress/ bar tender now . I love everyone at this job and get on with the guys in BOH rlly well too. I dont see anything developing with anyone there though . The other girls there who couldve potentially been friends arent rlly my age (like 16-17) i feel so old compared to them and it makes me feel even more depressed when they talk about their friends and boyfriends and stuff .
One girl got dressed to go on a night out after her shift and i genuinely wanted to cry because i feel so lonely . Turning 20 last week was the most depressing bday yet.
Ive never had a serious bf either , i really want a relationship but idk how to get a bf and no one is interested in me . Ive struggled with an ed for my whole life too so my self esteem is bad . Idk how ppl see me or if im actually attractive , the only validation ive had recently was from some of the regulars at my job , but what does that even mean.
Idk what im doing with my life or what im going to do. It feels nice being in one job , doing 5 days a week and not thinking ahead in the futrue or being anxious about something coming up after having a bad history of mental health, but at the same time i feel sad and scared of what im going to do.
Im barely close with either parent either, i havent seen my dad in 2 years , he also forgot my 20th bday this year too . Me and my mun arent as close rlly , although i wish we were closer like other ppl are with their mums its just not the same . I moved to live witb my grandma 2 years ago (complicated, i was self harming badly and other stuff) i didnt plan to be here this long .
I do everything alone, concerts alone, walks alone , gym alone . I never have anyone to call or text or tell anything to (not that i have anything to tell now because my life is pathetic)
I just feel like i shouldve ended it years ago when my mental health was worse. Being in a waitress job is hard at times though too as i always have to be smiley and up beat when i feel like crying sometimes , and when u get difficult or mean customers.
I have been alone for so long that idk what it feels like to not be alone and i dont remember what its like.

I'm sorry you're feeling like that, life sometimes throws us curveballs. I don't have a definitive answer... but hopefully I can give you a few ideas or at least things to think about.

So you get on well with the guys there at work... what's stopping you from going out with them for a works do or something? If it's not ever been mentioned, maybe try taking the initiative and proposing and arranging it yourself. It doesn't have to be a night out, you can do something during the day (e.g. bowling, a trip to an amusement park, or whatever takes your fancy). That way, the younger people could get involved as well.

Do you have any hobbies or interests? A common suggestion here for people who want to make new friends is to join an evening class; it can be anything from cross country running to playing chess; from dancing to drawing... can be a great way to meet new people, and whatever is the nature of that club will be a common bonding point for everyone there. Can even do some volunteer work (I'm sure the hospitality experience would be useful, and you'll see people worse off than you).

You mentioned you go to the gym... If you go at a regular time, then chances are you'll see the same faces there (and they'll also be familiar with you). It might be different for girls, but at the gym, guys are surprisingly sociable there, and it's the one place they seem to be happy to chat to everyone there. If you just ask them for help with something, 9/10 times the guy will be more than happy to accommodate (and get a bit of chit-chat going as well). If your gym has a spa area (e.g. sauna / steam room etc.), people are always very chatty in there as well (plus the "eye-candy" is always a bonus 😉 ). Failing that, try joining a class at the gym (e.g. spin class, boxercise, Pilates or whatever is on offer)

I don't want to pry, but is there a reason you're not close with your parents? Was there a particular event that made you fall out? Is this something that you think can be repaired or reconciled? Do you have any siblings or cousins? If so, what's your relationship with them like?

Please don't ever say "I feel I should have ended it", I've had two of my close friends kill themselves, and I've experienced the devastation that a suicide can leave behind. I've been to some dark places myself, and things are never as bad as you think they are at the time. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. If you think you might be suffering from depression, then get yourself to the GP... it's recognised as a genuine medical condition, and once you have the diagnosis, then you'll be able to get the help you need (whether that's medication, counselling / therapy or whatever). Also, is there a welfare representative or someone you can go to at work and let them know how you're feeling?

Also, maybe treat / pamper yourself. At uni, there was one girl who was going through a hard time (I won't bore you with the details), but a group of us all chipped in and basically paid for her to have a make-over and a professional photo-shoot, so she had a set of photos when she's looking amazing and those are hers forever, and so when she's middle-aged or elderly, she can always have them to remember how great she looked when she was younger.

Reply 2

username7171318

Hey what socials dyu have, im down to chat

Reply 3

Doomotron

Original post

by lanadana

I just turned 20 , idk what to do anymore. Im so exausted from work though that i dont even have time to be depressed . I know this isnt the life i want though and i dont know what to do.
I was at uni (long story as for why im not there now , surgery and other stuff) I work in a hotel as a waitress/ bar tender now . I love everyone at this job and get on with the guys in BOH rlly well too. I dont see anything developing with anyone there though . The other girls there who couldve potentially been friends arent rlly my age (like 16-17) i feel so old compared to them and it makes me feel even more depressed when they talk about their friends and boyfriends and stuff .
One girl got dressed to go on a night out after her shift and i genuinely wanted to cry because i feel so lonely . Turning 20 last week was the most depressing bday yet.
Ive never had a serious bf either , i really want a relationship but idk how to get a bf and no one is interested in me . Ive struggled with an ed for my whole life too so my self esteem is bad . Idk how ppl see me or if im actually attractive , the only validation ive had recently was from some of the regulars at my job , but what does that even mean.
Idk what im doing with my life or what im going to do. It feels nice being in one job , doing 5 days a week and not thinking ahead in the futrue or being anxious about something coming up after having a bad history of mental health, but at the same time i feel sad and scared of what im going to do.
Im barely close with either parent either, i havent seen my dad in 2 years , he also forgot my 20th bday this year too . Me and my mun arent as close rlly , although i wish we were closer like other ppl are with their mums its just not the same . I moved to live witb my grandma 2 years ago (complicated, i was self harming badly and other stuff) i didnt plan to be here this long .
I do everything alone, concerts alone, walks alone , gym alone . I never have anyone to call or text or tell anything to (not that i have anything to tell now because my life is pathetic)
I just feel like i shouldve ended it years ago when my mental health was worse. Being in a waitress job is hard at times though too as i always have to be smiley and up beat when i feel like crying sometimes , and when u get difficult or mean customers.
I have been alone for so long that idk what it feels like to not be alone and i dont remember what its like.

The worst times that someone can live through, from my experience, are the ones where everything feels bad and it doesn't seem like anything you can do will make it better. Sometimes life just is crap, and unless you actively try to make it not crap it will remain that way - but of course, I doubt many people in situations like this will feel a sudden surge of confidence and try to reinvent their lives. I never did.

From what you've written it seems to me that the most obvious route out of the way you feel lies with the people you work with. I am sure as you get to know them better they'll want to include you in things. And if it doesn't work out with them, there are other things you can do. You can continue to go to in-person events, but if you don't think that's working there are ways to connect people that may work better. You could even start one of those looking for friends threads that you see pop up on here every once in a while. I've met a few people on here, and some of my long term friendships even started in the YouTube comments section of all places.

I'm 20 as well and have gone through similar things to you. It's tough, and it often doesn't feel like it'll ever get better. I often think that I've failed or that I've wasted my life, but the advice I struggle to take myself is that soon things will improve, probably when you least expect it to.