Friend is worried about being left out

So one of my friends wants to apply for a uni in London as her top choice. It’s her dream uni but shes also scared about being alone for the first time and she’s really anxious about making new friends there (she’s never really left our area).

Her two best friends have both agreed to apply to the same uni which is in the north and very far from her London uni choice. They’ve gone on and on about what a shame it is that she isnt applying for the northern uni (it doesn’t offer her chosen course) and how they’ll miss her.

Now she’s thinking about applying for a different course just so she could be with them even though it’s obviously not guaranteed.

She’s been asking me for help and advice but I’m not sure how to advise her and talk to her about it since I think it’s a bit of an overreaction and she’s being irrational especially since we’re going into year 13 soon.

Any advice on how to talk about this with her in a gentle manner? Thank you in advance

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

Original post by Anonymous

So one of my friends wants to apply for a uni in London as her top choice. It’s her dream uni but shes also scared about being alone for the first time and she’s really anxious about making new friends there (she’s never really left our area).
Her two best friends have both agreed to apply to the same uni which is in the north and very far from her London uni choice. They’ve gone on and on about what a shame it is that she isnt applying for the northern uni (it doesn’t offer her chosen course) and how they’ll miss her.
Now she’s thinking about applying for a different course just so she could be with them even though it’s obviously not guaranteed.
She’s been asking me for help and advice but I’m not sure how to advise her and talk to her about it since I think it’s a bit of an overreaction and she’s being irrational especially since we’re going into year 13 soon.
Any advice on how to talk about this with her in a gentle manner? Thank you in advance

The unknown is always a scary prospect, TBF... and I can see how moving to somewhere like London from a village or a small town would add to the existing intimidation factor... and yes, while it may be a shame she can't be there with her friends, it would be an even bigger shame if she compromised her entire future because of a few nerves.

The main thing to bear in mind is that 90% of the users here who are over 19 on this board have all been through it (myself included), and we've all survived and I've yet to hear of anyone who has regretted it (at worst, it'll be an experience or a life lesson). It's worth noting a few things:-

If it's a good university, then almost everyone in that university will be in exactly the same boat (i.e. going there alone, scared / nervous etc.), so it's completely different to joining a school mid-term, when everyone is already in their own groups.

Assuming she's going into halls, there will be a committee there, who put on many events to help people get settled in and climatise. Furthermore, as well as course tutors, there will be a team of wardens / sub-wardens, who can help with any domestic issues

It's not uncommon students to visit their other friends on weekends etc... so get her to invest in a young persons rail-card, and she'll be able to see her friends whenever she misses them. Oh, even better still, she can invite them down to London for a weekend as well. Think about it, during the day, they can do all the touristy things in the West-End, and go to a few famous bars / clubs in the evening. It may be expensive for them, but it'll be fun, no?

For even cheaper travel, consider coaches... Coach companies like National Express, Flixbus, Megabus etc. are always doing cheap travel deals, especially if you book in advance. No sure where up north the others are studying, but without too much effort, you could easily get return coach trip for less than £10. Only issue is it'll be at least a 4-5 hour journey (they could sleep on the coach).

If it all goes wrong, she could use the cheap travel deals to go home every weekend, if she really wanted to.

Don't wanna put a downer on their friendship, but most people form close friendship groups with those they meet at uni, and they end up outgrowing their friends from school. Also, if they ended up at the same uni, they'd all probably want to live together... I've seen many best friends fall out when they've started living together (for various reasons).