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Toxic parents and Uni

Idk what to do I really want to study law at degree level, since the start of year 12 I’ve made this my focus, I’ve applied to many law programmes, reached out to legal firms, really narrowed my focus on law and it’s very hard to find legal work experience so my parents call me lazy or uncompetitive which isn’t good for law. More so, my mum has always been vehemently against my education choices such as when applying to sixthform, we had many arguments about my courses to the point we had to call for an extended family meeting to settle my choices. My mum wanted me to pursue medicine and when I told her it wasn’t a passion of mine she’d become really angry , call me lazy, say I must do it or become entirely non verbal and give me silent treatment, though, I pushed all that past me and made a deal with her that I’ll do alevel maths even tho I do not enjoy maths or like it, currently my alevels are English literature, History and maths and I’d like to use these alevels to pursue a career in corporate law. I told my parents this, initially my dad was supportive and said as long as I’m successful however my mum has severely opposed the idea of law and says I won’t get a job as it’s competitive and I don’t think she believes in me much. Now, I’m really struggling with maths, I hate it and in my mocks I received an A* in English literature, an A in history and a D in maths, I did revise and I told my parents this and I understand D isn’t the best grade but my mums first words to me were “Why am I paying for your driving if you come home with a D” and she never acknowledge the other grades or said well done, just focused on maths and said I “failed the most important” even though they are all equally important as I only do 3 alevels. Now my dad and mum have done more research and decided for themselves economics is the best course for me and I attended the Cambridge open day and sat in the law lecture and then economics and it just made my dread for economics more intense like I genuinely can’t do it at degree level I REALLYYYY do not want to and I just can’t and because my parents hold me to such high standard, if I do it at degree level , I won’t do as well and they’ll call me lazy again, and also, I need an A in maths prediction to do it at my dream universities and I know my teachers won’t predict me that. However, I sat in the law lecture and I really enjoyed it and motivated me more. Now, couple minutes ago, my parents started talking to me about career and they have sworn and promised that they will not pay for my uni if I don’t do economics or anything in tech, they’ve prohibited law and my mum went as far as to say if she dies and I do law it’s my fault and I won’t be allowed in the funeral which I feel is very manipulative and it’s complicated as now, I’m writing my personal statement and all my passion is in law, all my supercurricular reads , essays, EPQ is centred around law and if I am to apply to uni for economics, my personal statement and application will be utterly impassionate, I have no super curricular activities in economics and I essentially have nothing to show for it as I don’t even do economics alevels which I know isn’t required. I also want to take the LNAT which is £75 and I just know they will not fund that and I don’t have a job or anyone who could help me even though it’s something I really want to add to my application. So essentially any advice or ideas would be amazing.

Reply 1

Original post
by Ghostnasleep
Idk what to do I really want to study law at degree level, since the start of year 12 I’ve made this my focus, I’ve applied to many law programmes, reached out to legal firms, really narrowed my focus on law and it’s very hard to find legal work experience so my parents call me lazy or uncompetitive which isn’t good for law. More so, my mum has always been vehemently against my education choices such as when applying to sixthform, we had many arguments about my courses to the point we had to call for an extended family meeting to settle my choices. My mum wanted me to pursue medicine and when I told her it wasn’t a passion of mine she’d become really angry , call me lazy, say I must do it or become entirely non verbal and give me silent treatment, though, I pushed all that past me and made a deal with her that I’ll do alevel maths even tho I do not enjoy maths or like it, currently my alevels are English literature, History and maths and I’d like to use these alevels to pursue a career in corporate law. I told my parents this, initially my dad was supportive and said as long as I’m successful however my mum has severely opposed the idea of law and says I won’t get a job as it’s competitive and I don’t think she believes in me much. Now, I’m really struggling with maths, I hate it and in my mocks I received an A* in English literature, an A in history and a D in maths, I did revise and I told my parents this and I understand D isn’t the best grade but my mums first words to me were “Why am I paying for your driving if you come home with a D” and she never acknowledge the other grades or said well done, just focused on maths and said I “failed the most important” even though they are all equally important as I only do 3 alevels. Now my dad and mum have done more research and decided for themselves economics is the best course for me and I attended the Cambridge open day and sat in the law lecture and then economics and it just made my dread for economics more intense like I genuinely can’t do it at degree level I REALLYYYY do not want to and I just can’t and because my parents hold me to such high standard, if I do it at degree level , I won’t do as well and they’ll call me lazy again, and also, I need an A in maths prediction to do it at my dream universities and I know my teachers won’t predict me that. However, I sat in the law lecture and I really enjoyed it and motivated me more. Now, couple minutes ago, my parents started talking to me about career and they have sworn and promised that they will not pay for my uni if I don’t do economics or anything in tech, they’ve prohibited law and my mum went as far as to say if she dies and I do law it’s my fault and I won’t be allowed in the funeral which I feel is very manipulative and it’s complicated as now, I’m writing my personal statement and all my passion is in law, all my supercurricular reads , essays, EPQ is centred around law and if I am to apply to uni for economics, my personal statement and application will be utterly impassionate, I have no super curricular activities in economics and I essentially have nothing to show for it as I don’t even do economics alevels which I know isn’t required. I also want to take the LNAT which is £75 and I just know they will not fund that and I don’t have a job or anyone who could help me even though it’s something I really want to add to my application. So essentially any advice or ideas would be amazing.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, I don't have any personal experience but I always find myself frustrated for people who got railroaded into studying things they never wanted to. A friend of mine was in a similar situation where their mother was vehemently against them doing anything other than medicine, controlling what they did for A Levels, etc., to the point of being toxic and manipulative towards them when they tried to argue back or make their own decisions. Their way of solving it in the end was moving to student halls, starting their uni course in medicine, then requested to be transferred to a law course as soon as possible and specifically asked that all correspondence regarding the transfer be kept from their mother. They're currently studying law and, from what I have heard, are much happier now it's their own decision.

Financially, if you're unable to find a job even part-time, I would look into your options with SLC and whether your chosen university or current sixthform offers any bursaries you could access so you can take the LNAT? It might also be worth speaking to someone at your school to see if they know of anything useful or relevant to you.

I don't know if this was of any help to you but at the very least I hope it shows you still have options to take control of your academic life even if it seems impossibly tough right now. I've got my fingers crossed for you and deeply wish you the best of luck.

(Also I sucked at maths in school so I really don't blame you for not enjoying it!)

Reply 2

Original post
by wanderingpigeon
I'm really sorry you're going through this, I don't have any personal experience but I always find myself frustrated for people who got railroaded into studying things they never wanted to. A friend of mine was in a similar situation where their mother was vehemently against them doing anything other than medicine, controlling what they did for A Levels, etc., to the point of being toxic and manipulative towards them when they tried to argue back or make their own decisions. Their way of solving it in the end was moving to student halls, starting their uni course in medicine, then requested to be transferred to a law course as soon as possible and specifically asked that all correspondence regarding the transfer be kept from their mother. They're currently studying law and, from what I have heard, are much happier now it's their own decision.
Financially, if you're unable to find a job even part-time, I would look into your options with SLC and whether your chosen university or current sixthform offers any bursaries you could access so you can take the LNAT? It might also be worth speaking to someone at your school to see if they know of anything useful or relevant to you.
I don't know if this was of any help to you but at the very least I hope it shows you still have options to take control of your academic life even if it seems impossibly tough right now. I've got my fingers crossed for you and deeply wish you the best of luck.
(Also I sucked at maths in school so I really don't blame you for not enjoying it!)


Thankk you very much this helped more than you think

Reply 3

I’d try to get a job some funds to do the LNAT and for when you go to university won’t hurt and make sure you move out for university you don’t want to deal with your Mums antics while your there.

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